


To turn grey. To be good.

by EllieAird



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Identity Reveal, Lena Luthor Doesn't Know Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Post 4x06, Russian!Kara, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-09-13 06:37:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 58,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16887483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieAird/pseuds/EllieAird
Summary: When a blonde woman goes to Lena for help claiming to be Supergirl's twin sister, Lena's life becomes a tangled mess of truths and lies.After all her failures trying to get people to like her, Lena tries one more time to be good doing what she knows best.This time, she will have to come face to face with the realization that some secrets should be kept buried and not all blondes are who they say they are.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine, English is not my native language.

Lena went over the text message one more time.

“Hey, boss. Dinner tonight?”

It is not like Lena didn’t want to see Kara. She always wanted to be near her favourite blonde reporter, but since the break up and everything she had been through with L-Corp she really didn’t have time.

“No, Kara. I can’t make it. As soon as I have time, I will let you know.”

She replied and immediately turned off her phone. She didn’t want to be bothered, especially by Kara, who she knew had all the power to distract her. She would love to have a reason to leave work behind and focus on her, but she just couldn’t.

Just like her 4-year-old self, Lena felt the entire weight of the world in her shoulders. When Ben Lockwood was captured, no more than 2 days went by before the press reached him to get his word on everything. He delivered, as expected.

He talked about how his father business had gone bankrupt after the company stopped providing steel to Luthor Corp. How he had asked Lena for help and she had rejected him and how he had asked Catco’s CEO for a voice when the problems had intensified because of the aliens and he had learned that Catco was now owned by Lena.

There was enough fuel for the “nativists” to despise her.

Yet, on the other side, her ex-boyfriend and employee had gone out as Guardian to publicly support the Children of Liberty while Mercy Graves, known for her ties to the Luthor family, was the one who financed Agent of Liberty’s creation.

That was enough for alien supporters to dislike her.

There was something that linked both parties. And that was the hate they felt for Lena Luthor.

 

She silently cried for the 30th time that week. She wasn’t guilty of being brought to the Luthor family but she was responsible of all her stupid choices. Everything was her fault and everybody seemed to agree with her. It didn’t matter how hard she tried, she didn’t know how to do good… how to be good. She was just another unnecessary Luthor in the world.

She drank more whiskey straight from the bottle and laid down on her couch with a cushion on her face. She felt like she was sinking.

Lena remembered when she was little and she used to lay in her big bed with a pillow on her face. Her tiny hands didn’t have much strength, but they were strong enough to push the pillow down until there was no air flow and all she saw was black. She always forced herself to keep her eyes open and not to blink when they burned. Her vision always became blurry and when the darkness and the lack of oxygen mixed, it felt like she was no longer present in the room.  Everything around her was darkness, she was nobody for a moment, she was mixing herself with a surreal sensation of complete emptiness. She craved being invisible so she could escape her hideous family but, at the same time, she always found herself waiting for her adoptive mother’s arms.

Lillian used to hear the silent whimpers and debated between letting the girl suffocate as she seemed to want it or going through the same battle again with her husband’s love child. Lena couldn’t count with one hand how many times she did her escape ritual and how many times Lillian had yelled at her and told her how much she hated her. Lena always had a little victory smile at the end because every time she did that, it didn’t matter if it was a slap, a spank or an insult… she got the attention she so craved.

She remembered the day Lillian had enough. She had taken the pillow from her and slapped Lena in the face so hard she went dizzy for a moment. Her mother took her by the arm to the bathroom and forcefully grabbed her chin making her stare the water in the bathtub. 20 years later she could still hear her whispers.

_“I’m sick. Sick of you and your stupid games, Lena. I’m sick of going by your room and listening to your quiet whimpers, because I know… God, I know you’re there trying to suffocate or whatever is it that you’re trying to do._

_Weren’t you there next to your stupid mother?  That’s a more efficient way to die”_

Lillian had grabbed her by the hair and without warning she had pushed Lena’s face in the water. Lillian knew she had seen her real mother drown in front of her, Lillian knew that she was scared of being surrounded by water and that’s why she always took showers. And for the first time in her life Lena was absolutely terrified. She knew better than to scream and although she positively thought she was going to die, Lena chose to zone out while her tears mixed with the water.

When Lena was passing out, Lillian yanked her head away from the bathtub and continued her speech:

 _“It will be a cold day in hell if a girl dies when I’m around.  Who could handle Lionel’s madness if he thinks I’m responsible of his little parasite dying? Not me, for sure.”_ Lillian gave Lena a wicked smile before she decided it was time to keep on talking _“But I’ll be gone for the day and you know how lazy the nanny is. She wouldn’t find you until it is too late, Lena. So why don’t you do all of us a favour and get your face in the water? Pretend that it is your beloved pillow.”_

Even though 6-year-old Lena knew that what Lillian said made sense, her mom failed to understand the reason behind her odd routine. Little Lena didn’t want to die. She just wanted someone to take her away from the darkness.

 

A cold breeze reminded Lena of her own existence and took her away from her memories. She didn’t know how long she had been there but if the soreness of her eyes were an indicator, she would say several minutes had passed. After all these years, Lena still felt a twisted comfort in making herself suffer like that. Deprive herself of her senses until it seemed like she was dead.

The only difference was that this time she didn’t look for anyone to save her. She truly wanted to feel like she was dying but her pride stopped her from killing herself. She would do anything she could to prove herself she was good. Perhaps, society would then think she was worthy of love.

 

Lena heard the riot being covered in the news and turned on the volume.

“ _If Superman goes rogue, who will protect us? We need heroes. Human vigilantes. Someone that can vouch for us, humans, in a world that is becoming more like them and less like us. We’re paying for their home planets sins and we should have rights too.”_

Lena gained interest in the protesters. If no one addressed this situation, a civil war would ensue. She could understand both sides perfectly. Aliens had the right to seek for shelter and live a normal life, but, at the same time, humans should be able to feel safe in their own planet. Supergirl and Superman protected them from threats, but what if they became the threat?

She had been in Metropolis when Supergirl’s Red-K polemic surfaced and she was more than glad she was away from that madness. But, she lived in the city with the strongest man alive. What if Superman ever faced the same rock and went crazy? She shivered when she realized that although Lex’s ways were completely wrong…. his fear was actually justified.

She then thought of Batman. Batman was obviously a rich man that could afford his expensive toys, but what if more humans could access the type of technology he possessed? Or what if humans could actually become Super and help aliens fight crimes? National City could have people working alongside Supergirl, like Gotham’s famous ally.

Lena got up and went straight to her desk. She looked through the documents until she found what she was looking for.

_“Project ADAM”_

Not only Adam had a better sound than Project 135, but it was perfect considering the fact that she was trying to create another type of life. She wasn’t a Christian, but if she could have some ironic bible references, she sure would.

 Her potential test subject was named Adam. Adam Johnston. From thousands, that boy was the only one that gave her the answer she was looking for. A true neutral, some would say. One of a kind was what she thought.

She heard a thud in the balcony and through the corner of her eye saw the long blonde hair that she had seen so many times before. Lena cursed herself. Why? Of any people that could come here and bother her, it was Supergirl.

The girl of steel. Truth, justice, hope, compassion for all. Lena smiled sarcastically while waiting for Supergirl’s knock on her balcony door. If she had been mad with kryptonite, she didn’t want to imagine what she would do when she found out about what she wanted to do.

She would never understand. Probably would throw her under some naive speech about how wrong she was. Lena didn’t need someone to force her out of her ideas, she needed someone to push her forward. Lena made a mental note to call Eve as soon as Supergirl left to discuss the final details of the project with her.

She was growing hesitant waiting for Supergirl to knock so she could send her away. She turned her chair to acknowledge the hero’s presence when she came face to face with a standing figure right behind her.

“Jesus— fuck! What the hell is wrong with you?”

Lena tried to compose herself after that death scare. She didn’t think she could be more annoyed by the blonde, but, after this? She was completely sure she never wanted to ever see her again. She would have a heart attack before even coming close to reach whatever result with the Harun-El.

She passed her hands through her skirt and fixed her shirt, which had moved a little from her quick movement. She was now more calmed and took her time to detail the woman in front of her.

The moonlight was hitting her body directly and what usually was an “S” covered chest, now was all grey. The woman was wrapped in a grey and red bodysuit. Strong legs were holding her while she stood proudly. Like a true… _goddess._ No fear or remorse for interrupting her whatsoever. Just pure raw power. Confidence. One had to see Supergirl in action to understand that underneath her bright smile and bubbly voice, she was an amazingly strong creature, but this woman… this woman was the definition of steel.

The girl looked at her intensely and Lena felt naked when the blonde woman stared at her from head to toes like she was examining her. This wasn’t Supergirl.

Well, she was. But Lena felt like she really wasn’t. Lena took her time to study her features. Long blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, sharp cheekbones and a strong jaw. She had seen that face multiple times. She was National City’s hero, everyone knew how she looked like but Lena knew something was off.

Her usually warm eyes were cold, she hadn’t taken her eyes off of Lena and while Supergirl always had her hands in her hips, this girl had them crossed in front of her chest.

“Nothing.”

Lena blinked after being interrupted from staring at the woman. She felt embarrassed, but, overall she also felt scared.

There was something about her. Something she couldn’t recognize and Lena hated when she couldn’t read people. She damned herself for not having kryptonite around and realized that she needed to be as calm as possible. Not daring to piss off whoever was in front of her. She softly spoke.

“Pardon?”

“You asked what was wrong with me. My answer is nothing”

Lena got startled by her voice. A strong accent covering her usually perfect English was not the type of sound she was expecting Supergirl to produce. This woman’s voice was deeper, stronger and had a thick accent she wasn’t used to hearing.

“Who are you?”

The blonde raised an eyebrow

“Who do you think I am?”

“Not Supergirl”

“That is obvious”

The blonde walked through her office and started picking her books up and examining them. Lena decided it was better not to move or say anything, just stay where she was to get as much information as she should.

“Are you a Worldkiller?”

The woman laughed and Lena smiled dryly. At least someone seemed to be enjoying this encounter. She discarded the books throwing them to the couch and used her superspeed to get in front of Lena. The Luthor gasped for the sudden closeness.

She had been near Supergirl’s presence more than once and in no moment she had felt intimidated. Not like this. She could freely stand her ground and say what she needed to say but with this person… alien, thing. She just wanted to disappear.

The blonde leaned closer until Lena could feel her breath in her ear

 _“_ No. _But I could be”_

When Lena looked up, the blonde was already away from her. The woman walked like she was ready to kill someone. Straight back and hands together behind her. It was almost like she was looking for whatever imperfection she could find to set it on fire with laser beams and destroy it. Deadly. That was the perfect word to describe this stranger that looked so familiar.

Lena was used to being the most powerful woman in the room. Supergirl included. She had grown to understand people. Maybe that had been her survival skill. How people stood, how they walked, talked and even how they looked… everything gave something away from their personality.

Lena had grown to learn every little thing about anyone that was in front of her. It made her understand how to stand, talk and walk to intimidate and make them realize she was the one in control. It was more like a façade. Lena wasn’t really a strong woman, besides her knowledge, her physical strength was closer to null but that didn’t mean that everyone needed to know that. It was her power move to know how to get in people’s minds in order to make them believe what she wanted them to believe. But she didn’t know what to do with this intruder.

Lena decided to swallow hard and just talk

“What’s your name?”

The woman stopped and looked back at Lena. She was smiling.

“Starikov”

“That can’t be your real name”

“You don’t go around asking Supergirl her real name, now, do you?” Lena shivered realizing she had fucked up. She immediately answered, not wanting to piss her off.

 “No”

The woman stared threateningly into her eyes before speaking slower this time.

“Starikov”

“Well, Starikov. I would like to know some things. Is that ok?”

“You are the scientist. You have to ask questions”

“How do you—“

“Ask”

Lena wasn’t exactly sure where to start. She felt her hands sweating and her heart beat picking up, she was nervous. She hated this woman for the effect she was having on her. She couldn’t think thoroughly and she felt lost. Why did she look like Supergirl? Did she have all of her powers? Where was she from?

“Russia”

“What? How do you—”

“Lena Luthor. Is that everything you know how to say? For a scientist, you sure seem to be lacking words.”

Lena was offended by that. She was hurt by Starikov’s smirk and her amused eyes. She was having fun at her expense.

“What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you”

“Why?”

“Why were you crying?”

Lena quickly looked up at her with blushed cheeks. She felt like she had been busted.

“How do you know I was?”

Starikov rolled her eyes and turned her back while looking at the paintings that decorated Lena’s office, “I don’t know”, she touched the frames and studied them closer. “I’m not really sure if it was your constant sobbing, your tears or your little suicide attempt with the cushion. It’s funny because you would just pass out and wake up again. Same place. Same pity. For such a bright mind, I would have guessed you had more creativity.” Starikov looked at Lena with amusement.

“For such a bright mind, I would have guessed you’d realize that I wasn’t looking for an opinion and that if I truly wanted to die I would use other methods”

Starikov hardened her features because of the unexpected comeback and bit her lip. Lena hoped that she could somehow intimidate her visitor, because there was no way she could control the rage in her eyes after Starikov’s continuous teasing. The blonde smiled brightly with a hint of danger behind her gesture.

“She’s bitter. What a surprise” Starikov crossed her arms in front of her again and looked at Lena with all seriousness “I need earth’s best scientist to help me.”

“You need to answer my questions first”

“What?”

“Who are you?”

“I already told you I am Starikov”

“That’s just your name. Who are you? What are you doing here? How did you find me? Why the fuck do you look like Supergirl?”

Starikov grew impatient for all of the questions. She snorted and sat down on Lena’s white couch. She arranged the chess board pieces and gestured Lena to sit down in front of her. She moved a white pawn before answering.

“You’re famous in Russia, Lena Luthor. All over the world. Finding you was not hard. I need a scientist.”

Lena continued the game and made a countermove.

“You could have gone for anyone. There are amazingly good scientists out there, closer to your home as well.”

“They were not you.”

Lena smiled after killing Starikov’s knight

“Why were you looking for me?”

“I needed the best” Starikov moved her pieces skilfully and answered without taking her eyes from the board “You seem unbiased by this whole conflict here in National City. You’re not with God. You’re not with the Devil. You want equality. I need that.” She moved a piece. “Check”

“So it is not that I’m the best. It is that you want someone that understands the situation” Lena moved her Queen until it was facing Starikov’s King “Checkmate.”

“I never lose a chess game.” Starikov frowned and moved her head quickly towards Lena “You managed to keep Supergirl in the outside when air was filled with kryptonite. You managed to throw out the Daxamites when they invaded Earth. There are no other scientists that people need to thank besides you. You did it. I don’t want to settle for less than the best and you are who I need.”

“What do you need from me?”

“A cure”

“I’m still not an expert of Kryptonian’s biology.”

“It is my mother, not me” Starikov sighed while she arranged the pieces again. “I know you have the Harun-El”

“I-I don’t know… what… I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Starikov moved a pawn forcefully and spoke fiercely

“You rearranged Reign’s human body DNA. You turned her kryptonian host completely human again. I know you did. I know you have the Harun-El. So I will only ask for complete honesty once Lena Luthor. Don’t play dumb with me.”

“And what does that have to do with you?”

“My mother is dying. She has cancer. If you could stop kryptonian cells and make them human, I know you can turn human cells into something more powerful if you were given the chance”

 “Why do you look like Supergirl?”

“You won’t let that escape you, huh?” Starikov scoffed “Check”

“No.” Lena responded without hesitation “Checkmate”

Starikov sighed and put her head in her hands

 “She’s my sister.”

“Your— what?”

The Russian woman stood up forcefully, knocking the chess board off the table and raising her voice

“My sister, Luthor. Was my accent too strong for you to understand?” She had her hands in fists and Lena was growing scared again like she was when she saw Starikov for the first time. “I am here because of my mother. Not because of that… that traitor.”  

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“No one does. I don’t think she even knows I am alive”

Lena swallowed hard and tried to get a hold of herself. This stranger knew too much about her. She couldn’t risk it. She didn’t want to be more involved. She could already see another headline: Another Luthor betrays the country, Lena sells herself to Russia.  

“I don’t think I can help you.”

“Why?”

“I need trials. Your mother could die… I mean, she can’t. What would people say when they found out I experiment with humans and an alien stone? That’s unethical. I can’t. I need to lower the death risk rate and study more. I can’t let people down again.”

“When you give them power, they will forget about everything your family did. I came all across the world for you. I could have gone anywhere but I chose you. I know you can do it. Who cares about some people hating you when you can save millions?” Starikov grabbed Lena’s chin and made her look at her “They hate that you have the guts to cross the line they’re so scared to cross. They don’t hate Lena Luthor. They hate that Lena Luthor does what they can’t do. If it weren’t for those that defied expectations and battled the crowd, people would still be dying of common colds and we would be hunting animals to eat”

“I—“

“I was born powerful but you… You made yourself powerful. You challenged human limitations and exceeded in every way possible. You are marvellous, Lena. People should worship you for everything you have done, but humans can be so ungrateful. At least I’m certain that my sister has been thankful, I mean, I could guess. Bright intellect is an admired gift in Krypton, we’re raised to admire people like you.”

Lena couldn’t stop looking into Starikov’s eyes. She felt fire where her fingers were pressing her chin and a warm feeling inside her. A tear escaped Lena and the blonde was quick to clean it. This strong woman sought her, she was asking for Lena’s help. She could literally scare every scientist and make them do her will, but she had gone to Lena and asked for her help.

“Supergirl and I… we haven’t been really good lately. She doesn’t appreciate my approach on things”

Starikov scoffed

“She’s still an idiot then. Doesn’t appreciate brightness or beauty. Stupid.”

The blonde woman let Lena’s chin go and the brunette felt the immediate loss. Her skin ached for Starikov’s strong hands to hold her face like that, to make her stare into her eyes while she told her that she was needed. Important. Appreciated.

“If you don’t want to do it, I guess that I should go look for someone else. But it would be such a pity for you to cripple your talents just because you’re afraid of what people might think. Lena Luthor, gone to history under the shadow of her crazy brother. There are risks for these projects, but I’m sure the rewards are always greater”

“If I help you… would you tell me more about you? About the Harun-El?”

Starikov raised an eyebrow and tucked Lena’s hair behind her ear before caressing her cheek

“Is that what you want?”

“Y-yes.”

“If you ask nicely. I will be forever in your debt if whatever cure you create helps me with what I need”

“Your mother.”

“Yes, my mother.”

Lena held out her hand so Starikov could take it on her own

“I will help you. As long as you keep your part of the deal.”

Starikov shook her hand strongly and gave her a knowing smile.

“I guess we got ourselves a deal, Lena Luthor.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part 2. I hope you enjoy it and pardon my mistakes!

“Ok, so what you’re saying is that all Kryptonians eat like this?”

“Yes and no. Our powers consume most of our energy and we need these amounts of food to produce that energy, but only here on Earth.”

Lena was amazed with how easy Starikov could eat like her stomach was a black void. It had been a few weeks since she had arrived for the first time but Lena still liked to stare at her while she was eating. Lena was a scientist; she always needed to know the why’s and how’s and having someone physically look so much like a human while doing ‘not human’ things was amazing.

“Did you have pizzas on Krypton?”

Lena smiled brightly when Starikov ate another slice. She was always so strong but now it was like she had transformed into a little kid on a birthday party. The dominant way she sat was the same, her voice always kept neutral while she spoke and she never lost her composure but her features had softened and it almost seemed like she was happy. Truly enjoying the moment.

She seemed more dangerous than Supergirl but the latter had always kept a thick wall between them that had only grown bigger with all the past things that had happened. She had always admired the Super, but when she was with Starikov it felt like she was the only Super she had needed to admire. She was identical to her sister, but they were so different it reminded her of her and Lex.

After Starikov had eaten all the pizza she answered with her mouth full of the last slice.

“No.”

Lena laughed softly

“What a shame.”

“Indeed. Maybe that’s why I was sent to Earth.”

Starikov looked amused but Lena had no idea of what to do with that comment. She didn’t want to trigger bad memories of her planet’s destruction but she was so curious she needed to ask more. Lena didn’t smile or laugh, she just stared at Starikov’s face.

“What happened to you? Both of you.”

“I don’t think I want to talk about that.”

“You promised, Starikov. I have been working on something these weeks, like you asked, but you haven’t told me the things I want to know”

“I know, I-“

Jess’s voice filled the office before Starikov could continue

“Miss Luthor, Kara is coming up and if our beloved guard Jason is not lying, she’s here with your favourite burgers”

Lena cursed under her breath. She had completely forgotten about Kara’s lunch date. Luckily, although Kara had full access to her office, Jess was to give her a heads up whenever Kara would come. Her oldest guard Jason was used to letting Jess know when Kara entered the building unless Kara wanted to surprise her, because she always got away buying his silence with some ice cream and then apologizing to Lena in behalf of her own employees for making them do as she asked.

“Uh… Starikov? I need you to go. Now.”

“What?”

“It’s just- My best friend. She’s coming up right now and she can’t find you here.”

“Got it.”

Starikov went out the building flying and Lena was so busy trying to throw all the pizza boxes away she didn’t have time to think about where she had gone. She was grabbing the last box when Kara opened the door.

“Lena!”

Lena immediately turned back and only had time to blink before she felt her best friend’s arms around her. Kara did nothing to hide her excitement.

“Ugh. I missed you!”

Lena returned the tight hug and blushed a little bit when she felt Kara’s lips on her cheek before letting go.

“I missed you too, kiddo.”

“I wanted to make this lunch date memorable since we haven’t seen each other in a while, so instead of the usual I brought you your favourite”

Kara’s smile was so big that it made Lena smile as well. She remembered when Kara told her she used to be nicknamed Sunny Danvers and were these kind of moments that made Lena upset that everyone had stopped calling her like that.

“Big Belly Burger is in the house.”

“Yeah. But I mean, I brought your actual favourite: Big Cheese and Bacon!”

“You’re actually the best, you know that?”

“Oh yes. I have been told.”

Kara sat down with Lena on the couch and started taking lunch out of the bags.

“So… what have you been up to lately?”

Lena tensed. She hated lying to Kara. She didn’t deserve to be lied to, but she also couldn’t tell her anything. Not only was she scared of how her reaction might be if she found out she was working to enhance humans but also because of protection. She knew the risks she was taking and would continue to take and she knew that there was a possibility the DEO or the government would want to be involved if they found out what she was doing. She needed to protect Kara. If she didn’t know a thing, she wouldn’t be involved if anything went wrong.

“You know. Working on some stuff. Signing papers. I have been having loads of calls from Lockwood’s lawyers.”

“When you kept ditching and not returning my calls I got scared.” Kara looked like she was lost, deep in thought “First I thought it was because of, you know, _him._ And then I thought you wanted to keep distance from me because of our past relationship or something. But knowing that you haven’t gone far from work and are dealing with really important things eases my mind.”

It took Lena just a minute to realize that Kara was talking about James and not Ben. She didn’t understand how Kara’s mind could work like that. None of her problems had to do with her but she still was preoccupied that it did. She wished she could tell her how insignificant her relationship with James had truly been, but, that meant explaining to her how in love she was with her.

If she could measure pain, her break-up with James was nothing in comparison to Lena knowing that her feelings for Kara would never be returned. She was stuck being her best friend and, although she wished that things could be different, she had buried her hopes a long time ago. Moved on. Managed to focus her mind and heart on the fact that she was going to provide Kara all the happiness she deserved, as a best friend would and nothing more.

Lena smiled brightly because of the adoration she felt in the moment. She found herself squinting her eyes. The signature smile she had only ever dedicated to Kara… the same smile she had on her face when Starikov had been there an hour ago.

“Uh— Lena? Is everything ok?”

“Huh?”

“You just took two bites of your favourite burger.”

“Uh, yeah. I— I’m not really that hungry.”

Lena looked at the clock and felt guilty. Kara had interrupted one scary realization and she just wanted her to leave. Kara had taken the time to be thoughtful and buy her her favourite food and had insisted in visiting although Lena had been avoiding her for weeks. Kara was still trying to connect and Lena… Lena just wanted to have another woman near her again. Soon. Kara hadn’t spoken and Lena looked up to see her.

She seemed calmed but she knew that look, it was a look of disappointment.

“What’s wrong?”

“Maybe you would have been hungry if you hadn’t eaten before”

“What?”

Kara pointed to two pizza boxes that were on the floor. They probably had fallen. Lena must have missed those with all the rush.

“Kara, I’m sorry. I—“

“You don’t need to apologize. I guess I can be forgetful too sometimes. I mean with your schedule, it is easy to forget some things. Don’t worry. It is just that I wanted to make this day extra special and thought you would enjoy more what I bought for you.”

“ I’m sorry I forgot, Kara. But I promise that I will make it up to you, rather sooner than later!”

Kara smiled softly and rolled her eyes

“Yeah yeah, ok, boss. It better be with some of the best potstickers in town! I got to say I didn’t know you had it in you. Skipping all those breakfasts and lunches truly gave you the power to eat 2 pizzas by yourself? It must be a Luthor thing.”

Lena laughed at Kara’s silliness and the blonde joined in.

“You really think this tiny woman can down 2 pizzas by herself?” She scoffed teasing Kara “I wish”

Lena heard the exact moment Kara stopped laughing.

“Oh... so you had lunch with someone?”

As soon as Lena heard Kara, she felt her heart sinking. Lena’s comment had come out natural and she hadn’t realized what she had said until it was too late. Not only had Kara found out she had completely ignored the fact they were going to eat together after weeks without seeing each other, but she also found out that Lena had taken their scheduled time to eat with somebody else.

When Lena dared to look up she found bright eyes that were threatening to spill a tear. Kara was cleaning the table quickly and putting everything inside the bag. She was only leaving Lena’s food outside.

“Kara. Wait, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

Kara was so bad at hiding her emotions that her little attempt at playing cool was failing miserably. Lena could see how hurt she was but Kara started rambling before the brunette could speak.

“You can make plans with whoever you want. That’s ok. Hmm, maybe next time. Yes, next time we can schedule something better that doesn’t interfere with other plans or whatever. It’s ok. Really, don’t worry. And I’m free this evening, so, uh… you could come to my place. Yes, exactly. Come to my place and we can watch some movies and spend some quality time. You don’t come to L-Corp on Saturdays so… you could even stay there and—“

“Kara. I’m busy.”

Lena truly felt like a Luthor. She had never intentionally hurt Kara in her life and she had never wanted to but she knew no matter how she said it, Kara would be hurt.  If it had been a month ago, Lena wouldn’t have hesitated and would have gone to her place without second thoughts, but she really had stuff to do or at least that’s the excuse she wanted to give herself.

She wanted to be with Starikov again and she knew that as soon as Kara left she would be back. She didn’t love the Russian woman as much as she loved Kara. That would be impossible. She couldn’t rival all the years her best friend and her had been sharing but… these past few weeks had been, different.

Lena knew Kara would never return her feelings but… what about Starikov? She showed her the same support Kara had shown, the same admiration. She had made her value herself over everybody’s perceptions, it was like Kara and her all over again but this time… this time she could have an actual chance.

Lena didn’t realize she hadn’t moved and that Kara hadn’t said anything until she heard the reporter grabbing her purse.

“I’ll let you know when we can meet, Kara. Fine?”

Kara forcefully nodded.

“Sure.”

Lena went towards her desk while Kara went to the door and looked back when she heard a name she hadn’t heard in a long time.

“Lee?”

The term of endearment broke her heart a little bit more before answering.

“Yeah?”

Kara’s voice broke when she spoke

“Are you—? Hm. Is— Is everything ok? I mean, are we ok?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. Uh, have a nice day.”

Lena was going to return the goodbye but Kara had already closed the door behind her. She thought about going after her to give her a quick hug when she felt a hand on her shoulders that made her jump.

“Fuck. What the hell!?” Starikov was smirking “You think that’s funny, huh? If I freaking die because of you, you won’t have any of your precious cure. Fear can cause sudden heart attacks, you know? Goddamn.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.”

Starikov crossed her arms in front of her chest

“That woman is very rude.”

Lena didn’t know if Starikov was playing or not, so she decided to ask.

“Kara?”

“Yes.”

“She’s not. She just didn’t know someone was here.”

“Still. She interrupted us.”

“We weren’t really doing anything”

Starikov took the burger from the desk and gave it a bite while leaning towards Lena.  

“ _Yet”_

Lena didn’t know if it was Starikov’s bold look that always seemed to be studying each part of her carefully, the tone of her voice or just that cocky vibe she had but she felt herself blushing and flustered. She knew the blonde meant that they weren’t discussing the project yet but she couldn’t help herself from thinking about all the possibilities behind that word.

“So who’s him?”

“What?”

“Well, miss Kara said something about a certain _him_ and a relationship.”

“Uh, yes. He’s my ex.”

“He?”

Starikov scoffed

 “Yes. Is there a problem?”

“No. Not at all. I just would have guessed that you were, you know, better than to have something with some man.”

Lena raised an eyebrow

“Would you rather it be with a girl?”

“Not _any_ girl though.”

Lena just stood there. For the first time in her life she was actually speechless.

“Well. Apparently we have gotten to our first encounter again, Lena Luthor. For such a bright mind…” Starikov paused dramatically “you seem to be lacking words” she added with a teasing smirk.

“I haven’t forgotten about the information you owe me.”

“Yeah. But first, tell me all about your poor choices”

“Stop it. Nothing interesting. He was really hurtful ad broke up with me, that’s it. You know people telling you they love you and then proving you otherwise. The entire thing was a mistake from the beginning.”

“Get it. People can be idiots”

“Yes, I really thought I could trust him. Besides Kara I have only trusted him and Supergirl and we both know how that turned out”

Starikov sat on the couch

“Wrong. But not as wrong as it could have turned out. It’s in her blood to betray people.”

Lena stood silently. She had noticed the change in Starikov’s face, like she wanted to let something go and she didn’t want to interrupt her when she finally seemed to have gained the courage to tell her story.

“We weren’t that close while growing up. Our father always made us battle each other in every sense: strength, intelligence, any skill where one could be better than the other. We were identical twins and it was like he was trying to make one be better so he could choose which one he would love more, we were really competitive”

Lena looked at Starikov’s face. She was blank. She had regained the same look she had when they met. Dangerous while trying to remember her past. Emotionless eyes staring to the wall, like she had absolutely no feelings.

“We were three kids in the House of El. Us and our cousin, Kal-El. When Krypton’s self-destruction started our family looked for ways to save us, you know?” Starikov stopped and looked at Lena like waiting for an answer before continuing “We needed to live and protect the House of El. In another planet.”

“Starikov, I— I can’t imagine what that must have been.”

“My uncle only had two pods and since one had been made especially to protect Kal-El, he needed to be in it alone. There was no space for my sister and me in his tiny pod, so we had to be together in one. We cried but at least I knew I would have my sister and my cousin with me on Earth” Starikov squared her jaw and swallowed “Do you have some alcohol?”

“Uh, yes.”

Lena gave her a glass and invited her to pour herself whatever she wanted from her various bottles and watched as Starikov took the bottle in her hands. She looked so strong that it seemed like the bottle would break in a second. The Russian woman drank it all at once and continued.

“We were 13 when we left and got stuck in the Phantom Zone on our way here. We fell asleep for a long time, years. When we woke up… everything. Everything was chaos” Starikov dryly smiled and stared at her glass “I guess our parents wanted to try everything they had and hope for the best. Maybe everything would have turned out fine if that rock hadn’t knocked us off course but we soon realized that the pod we were being sent in wasn’t made for two.”

“Starikov, you don’t need to—“

“It’s my part of the deal, Lena Luthor.”

Starikov held Lena’s hand tightly and let it go when she scrunched her face in pain. The blonde continued her story.

“The pod had gained an abnormal speed and we were falling, not knowing where we were. I just saw darkness and a light beneath us that just became brighter and brighter. She was the smartest out of both of us so she told me that the pressure outside of the Phantom Zone had opened a hole where the rock had hit us.” Starikov was walking all over Lena’s office while the brunette got scared. She knew that the final revelation was soon to come but she didn’t know what to do to calm her or help her.

“I should have guessed when she told me that we were too heavy for the pod to carry us safely because of the hole, but I didn’t –, I wouldn’t have thought of that. But when I saw her eyes, I knew it. It wouldn’t carry us safely, but it could carry her.” Starikov broke the glass she was holding and Lena gasped not having time to recover before she heard her visitor’s loud voice “She threw me, Lena. She said that this is what Dad had been preparing us for and I needed to die.”

“I’m so—“

“She didn’t care. She threw me into space knowing I would suffocate but what she didn’t know was that that bright light beneath us that got closer and closer while we were falling was Earth. I expected to float away but we were too close to this new planet so I kept falling.” Starikov looked at her hands and closed them in fists “I wasn’t dying. We were already under the yellow Sun. While I fell, I was just getting sun-powered and when I landed I lost my consciousness but I was alive.” She opened her hands again “I was steel.”

Lena was mesmerized. She was steel. Everything in her screamed power and she couldn’t believe that a woman that showed herself to the world as a saviour could have such a dark past.

“She fell here but I was on Siberia when I was found. When my mother found me. I questioned so many things, I knew we weren’t that close but I thought that we still loved each other.” Starikov sighed “She is a traitor, a liar and she will always be.”

Lena was glad Starikov seemed calmer but it was her that was now full with rage and hatred. If she thought she had been betrayed, then she didn’t know what word to use to describe Starikov’s situation.

“Like I needed another reason to resent Supergirl.”

“ _Supergirl._ Can you imagine knowing you almost got murdered by your own blood and then having to hear the world calling her Supergirl? Maybe it is guilt what pushed her to _help_ people _._ But, for me, she’s still the same. My only family is my mother and I have learned to only love her. ” Starikov looked at Lena straight into her eyes “I can’t lose her, Lena.”

Lena was lost in Starikov’s blue eyes. It seemed like they were infinite, just like the ocean. No one know how deep it is or when it really ends, you can just keep swimming. Lena felt remorse because although the story was sad, she couldn’t stop staring at Starikov’s lips. They were full and seemed so soft. Maybe it was the only part of Starikov she could describe as being soft and that’s why she was so irrevocably attracted to them.

The girl was all strength and power but those lips, they were the opposite of everything Starikov represented. Maybe her failed attempts with relationships were meant to be. Maybe she wasn’t made for love, but this. She needed this. This woman that was so mysterious that made Lena want to uncover all her secrets, this woman that was so rough that she could give her the strength she needed, this woman that was so powerful that she knocked down all of Lena’s confidence until she was a mess. Lena knew it wasn’t love. It was curiosity. Perhaps lust. Wanting.

“You won’t lose her.”

That’s all Lena said before giving her a kiss. It wasn’t a passionate kiss but a reassuring one. Enough for Lena to feel the softness she knew would find and enough for Starikov to know that Lena would continue with the plan in order to help her. Enough to let her know that she was on her side.

Starikov didn’t seem angry. She was surprised.

“I didn’t expect that”

“I didn’t expect doing it either. I’m sorry.”

“No. It is— It is good. If you had kept staring, I could have done the same”

Lena saw her smirk and the security in her voice while she spoke and her chest filled with pride. She hadn’t been rejected. Starikov had liked it. She had wanted it. Her accent was stronger after the kiss and Lena wanted to think it had been her that had released Starikov from her usual restraints.

“I wish… I wish I knew who Supergirl really is. Behind what mask does she hide when she’s done washing her sins while being a hero.”

Starikov laughed softly

“Squint your eyes, Lena Luthor. She may be closer than you think”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All kind of criticism or encouragement is accepted. Let me know what you think, I really appreciate your comments :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3. This one is longer than the other two but it really felt necessary. Enjoy and pardon my mistakes!

Lena felt the intense gaze following her everywhere. She was in her element. This was her, moving around the lab, trying to solve issues and create new ones only to solve them as well. Lena was getting close, well, at least close enough to begin a round of trials with humans in the future.

She wasn’t crazy. She knew that everything had to be perfect to begin with that kind of experimentation. But she was confident that everything she wanted to accomplish was soon happening.  Lena looked up and met Starikov’s blue eyes in an instant. Lena spoke with a teasing voice.

“What are you looking at, miss Starikov?”

She kept her eyes fixed on hers long enough to see the blonde’s eyebrows raising.

“You.”

“My, my. What’s so interesting about me, huh?”

“Everything. The way you move and play with these powerful elements like they are nothing. It’s mesmerizing seeing you like this. No longer fearful Lena, just Lena Luthor as a whole.”

“I like it when you compliment me.”

Starikov smirked and went towards Lena. She could feel Starikov’s hot breath near her ear before she heard her speak softly

 _“I like it when you give me reasons to compliment you.”_ Starikov placed a kiss on her cheek “The powerful rock of Yuda-Kal, under the power of the best scientist in the world.”

Lena blushed but stared at her with curiosity

“Yuda-Kal?”

“Not worthy of explanation. Just a bunch of old witches that thought it was good to use it to create Worldkillers.”

“Reign.”

Starikov was eating an apple when she talked.

“Yes. If I could choose, I would always choose some food that’s high in everything that’s not healthy to humans” The blonde took another bite and continued to speak with her mouth full “but I got to admit that apples really are one of a kind.”

“How many have you eaten?”

“6, perhaps?”

“God.”

“You know what they say… An apple a day, keeps the doctors away.”

“You don’t get sick.”

Starikov looked at Lena with offended eyes before smiling and raising both of her hands

“You got me.”

Lena couldn’t help but smile with her. This relationship was strange. Not like she minded of course, but… what was so funny to Lena was that, unlike Supergirl, Starikov did seem alien-like. Physically they were the same so they both had a human appearance, but Starikov’s presence indicated that you were in front of something more. Unexplainable. She looked like someone who could actually have everything she wanted with a snap of her fingers and of all the things she could have gotten, she wanted her.

“You’re the worst assistant ever. You take my food, you distract me.” Starikov laughed while Lena spoke “You don’t even help me with the Harun-El.”

“I can’t touch it.”

Lena raised an eyebrow at that. She thought she was keeping distance because she didn’t want to interfere, not because she couldn’t. Did this have a painful effect on Kryptonians like green kryptonite would? If it did, Starikov hadn’t showed any sign of weakness or pain, although, it wasn’t like she was going to complain if it really did. It seemed like nothing could bother the Russian woman.

“Why? Does it hurt?”

“No. Not at all. But— although it is not lethal. I guarantee you, you want me as far from it as possible. It is dangerous.”

That had peaked her interest. If it was truly dangerous, it didn’t make sense that Starikov was with her in the lab.

“How?”

“Well… if we were on Krypton, the Harun-El wouldn’t actually affect me, but, on Earth, if a Kryptonian touches it, the rock could divide him into two personas. Good guy, bad guy.”

“So if you touched it, you would become a Worldkiller?”

“No. Worldkillers are two ‘personalities’ inside the same body, one takes over the other. But—with the Harun-El” Starikov paused, finding the words to explain Lena correctly “If you were Kryptonian and you touched it, there would be another Lena wandering around. That other Lena would be Lillian’s sidekick or something.”

Lena was amazed. Humanity had had to live with the ignorance of believing there were no aliens hundreds of years ago, now aliens were a reality on Earth but, after all these years, Lena was still surprised of all the things that she could learn. They were so different and these were only the Kryptonians. She couldn’t fathom all the knowledge that was waiting to be discovered.

“So two separate beings.”

“Exactly.”

“If Supergirl touched this—“

“Well, I guess I could finally have the sister I wanted. But, if I touched it, probably all hell would break loose.”

“We would immediately have a flying blonde destroying the world? Wanting to destroy me?”

Starikov smirked and looked away while walking around with one of Lena’s tools on her hands.

“I don’t know if immediately. She would be really smart so she would know the importance of patience. I think she would wait for the right opportunity to _destroy_ you.” Starikov went behind Lena and held her tight. Lena could feel her strong arms surrounding her. It was like a prison. She knew she couldn’t leave, but she wanted to be there. Trapped between her arms. She just wanted to feel her breath near her, her body against hers and those lips that she had already kissed on top of hers again.

The brunette was all flustered but she wanted to play Starikov’s game

“Who would protect me then?”

Lena felt Starikov getting closer to her, surprised that that was still a possibility. She heard the Russian accent that made her lose focus on anything else. Low, menacing. “If she came near you, I would kill her.”

Lena wiggled herself out and playfully pushed Starikov away. It’s not like she didn't want to do that, but, she needed to focus on the Harun-El. The experiments. The results she wanted to show Starikov.

 “As much as I like you, Starikov. You really are awfully distracting. And there’s something I want to show you.”

“Well, you’ve been distracting me with those glasses you’re wearing and that confident look in your face while you handle all these weird chemicals.” Starikov frowned “Why don’t you use them every day?”

“Old men get scared with my ‘don’t you fucking dare’ stare. Glasses get in the way of that. ” Lena smiled nonchalantly “I like to be comfortable in my lab. No one bothers me here, I can truly wear and do whatever I want.”

“You should be able to do that always.”

Lena felt like she was on school again. Giggling because the prettiest girl in the classroom had told her she was funny. Blushing because her crush was smiling at her. If Supergirl could see her now, she would probably be laughing because of Lena’s usually cold persona being crushed and burned to ashes.

“Quite the charmer. But if you want to see real progress, you need to focus and come here.”

“Sorry, ma’am.”

Lena took Starikov to one of the little boxes that had mice in it.

“So, have you ever wondered why all scientists use mice for their experiments?”

“Not really.”

Lena put on her lab coat and took the black liquid that was waiting on the table. A processed version of the Harun-El.

“Besides their size, their non-threatening bodies and the quick way they breed. They actually work like us in many ways.” Lena gave Starikov a detailed picture of a mouse “It may not seem like it but our genes share a 90% match. On top of that, their organs work pretty similar to ours”

Starikov focused on the box.

“Starikov, look at the screen.” The blonde quickly fixed her eyes on the screen that was on top of the box “What you see are the insides of that little guy right there” Lena excitedly continued her explanation after seeing Starikov’s fascinated face “It is just like an echography but it is constant. We can see everything that happens inside live.” Lena pointed towards a small dot near the mouse’s stomach “That little thing. That’s a cancer cell.”

“Okay. I’m following.”

“We have been talking about the possibility of using the Harun-El to cure humans of everything that can naturally affect us. Cancer and any other kind of diseases, from Alzheimer’s to common colds.” Lena couldn’t hide her smile. She had already tried this with several mice. It was about time that Starikov could see what she had done. “But… what if we could give humans the opportunity to also stand to everything that is _not_ human?”

Starikov looked confused.

“What do you mean?”

Lena spoke while injecting a tiny dosage of the black liquid into the biggest mouse.

“Watch”

Both women stared at the screen. The liquid took no time flowing all over its tiny body, the formula enveloped the dot and it looked like it was breaking it and mini explosions were happening. Lena spoke quietly.

“Get that piece of bread near one of the box’s holes.”

Starikov took the piece of bread and put it in front of the hole. She kept watching the screen and stared in awe “Is that—? It worked? Where’s the dot?”

“It’s gone.” Lena said and Starikov looked at the timer in front of her.

“30 seconds! It took 30 seconds to—“

“Shh. Watch the mouse, Starikov. The bread.”

The mice hadn’t noticed that food was near them. The portion of bread was not in their line of sight and it was too far for them to smell it. Some of the veins of the mouse that had the cancer cell had became dark but it seemed like with every millisecond another vein got black. Starikov got closer, interested in the way its body was changing when it happened.

As soon as the timer hit the 1 minute mark, she knew. The mouse had turned its head towards the direction of the food like someone was pulling it there. No other mouse had smelled a thing but this one, this one knew. Within a blink of an eye the mouse was already trying to get its nose through the tiny hole to eat the bread.

Its senses had been enhanced. Its speed was abnormally fast. And when Starikov couldn’t open her eyes wider, the mouse’s body looked like a canvas full of black strings before it collapsed.

“1 minute and 40 seconds.” Lena said and wrote the data down in her tablet, she took a voice recorder and started talking. “The mouse lasted 1m40s alive since its contact with the Harun-El. The cell took 30 seconds to disintegrate while the mouse’s body showed enlargement and painting on its veins. Showed abilities include the enhancing of the sense of smell and speed. Time of death: 3.45 pm”

“Can I— Uh, can I take it out?” Starikov didn’t look up from the mouse. Her mouth was slightly open and she was blinking faster than usual, it seemed like she had just witnessed a miracle.

“Go ahead.”

Starikov pulled out its body and started poking him. It was dead, but she had seen… she had seen everything. The way it had gone straight to the bread although it had been there for almost a minute without the mice noticing it. The speed it had had. “How?”

“I’m still figuring out the how’s, at the end of the day, that rock is something that we still don’t understand thoroughly but what I can tell you it is that, if I get to stabilize this formula… make it last longer inside the host without killing it… well, this will cure a whole lot more than cancer” Lena crossed her arms against her chest and her green eyes were shining bright. She had managed to render the powerful woman speechless and she was proud of herself. “I don’t want to only heal humans, I want them to be superior. Superior species. I don’t think it would make us as strong as aliens, but we would also not be as breakables as we are now.”

“So like, super strong humans?”

“Like all of us had gone to boot camp and suddenly became super soldiers. Stronger. Faster. Enhanced senses like sight, smell and taste. I could really use better vision and I know Kara would too” Lena chuckled and fidget with her own glasses “and your mother… You wouldn’t have to worry about her anymore”

Starikov got away from the box and looked at Lena. The green eyed woman couldn’t read the blonde. It looked like she had gotten a feet taller and Lena felt like she was being studied all over again. The deadly stare could’ve scared anyone but Lena knew better, she knew there was something… something that screamed desire.

Lena felt Starikov’s arms around her just for a second before another sensation took over and jeopardized all of her attention. Her lips were capturing her own, but, unlike their first kiss, this was full with feelings that Lena couldn’t explain. It wasn’t soft. It was rough and consuming and it felt like Lena was burning. All of her skin was fire and she was melting while the kiss got deeper. It seemed like she was getting lost in her own self.

 Starikov pulled away just a little. Enough for Lena to breathe and for her to get their foreheads together. She was looking at Lena’s eyes intensely as she grabbed both of her cheeks. Lena could feel Starikov’s breath on top of her lips when she spoke.

“You are a Goddess, Lena Luthor. A creator. This… this is new life.”

That was all she said before crashing her lips again with Lena’s and the brunette felt like she was burning. Burning alive. When Starikov went to kiss her neck, all rational thoughts ran out of Lena’s mind. She threaded her fingers on the blonde’s hair and thought of how much she wanted this. She didn’t care if it was in her lab, she didn’t care about anything but this.

As soon as Starikov took Lena’s glasses off and put them on the table, a tiny speaker in the lab interrupted both women and Starikov grunted loudly when she heard Jess’s voice.

_“Miss Luthor. Kara Danvers should be here in 40 minutes for the interview.”_

 

Lena pulled away quickly muttering a quiet “fuck” and stared at Starikov. Starikov’s hands had gone to fists and she was breathing hard. She spoke with venom in her voice.

“I told you she just interrupts us.”

“Be nice” Lena was speaking while fixing her hair and clothes “You know the deal. You can come back as soon as she goes.”

Starikov pulled Lena into a kiss again. It was like frenzy. Lena wanted it… god, how much she wanted it. But Kara, what excuse could she give Kara?  Starikov bit her earlobe and Lena moaned at the sudden boldness when she heard her speak “Cancel it.” She started nipping at her neck and giving light pecks “Cancel the meeting. I need you.”

“Starikov, I-I really… I really can’t.”

Starikov’s hands grounded on Lena’s hips, she was grabbing her with all the strength she could without hurting her. “Yes, you can. You can do everything, Lena. Don’t you see? You own this place. You can do anything you want.” Starikov didn’t pull her mouth away, trying to convince Lena.

_“Miss Luthor? Miss Luthor, are you there?”_

Lena pulled away one more time when Jess’s voice sounded throughout the lab.

“Starikov, I’m sorry.” Lena started again with her apologies, trying to explain why she couldn’t stay. “I am Catco’s owner and the public has been asking for an interview regarding Lockwood’s imprisonment. Kara is the most capable reporter in the entire team and you know she’s my best friend.”

Starikov backed off from Lena’s body while scoffing loudly

“ _Best friend.”_

“Is there a problem with that statement?”

“Plenty, actually.”

“Care to enlighten me?”

Starikov looked up at Lena and everything in her showed danger. She swallowed hard before speaking clearly.

“Fuck Kara Danvers.”

If there was something Lena couldn’t stand was anyone that dared to say anything bad about Kara. No one. No one had cared enough to pay attention to the young blonde until she arrived. Her potential as a reporter. Her constant smile. The way her heart seemed to have space for every living creature. A true angel.

“Kara— Kara is my best friend, Starikov. I get that you might be pissed because of the moments she has interrupted us” Lena took a pause and defied Starikov’s stare “but even though I like you, I will never, ever, let you disrespect her. Not now, not ever”

Starikov punched a nearby wall and made a hole in it before lashing out at Lena

“Disrespect her!?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Starikov raised her voice and for the first time since they had been seeing each other Lena was truly scared.

 “I can’t believe you’re so keen to details but you can’t come face to face with the obvious truth. It almost seems like you’re playing dumb on purpose.”

“What do you mean?”

“Glasses, Luthor. They’re just freaking glasses!” Starikov started cursing and Lena couldn’t understand if it was Russian or Kryptonian.  “I can’t keep quiet when you talk so highly about her and you worry so much for that woman and you don’t realize you’re being played. You just don’t want to see the truth.”

 

 “What fucking truth!?”

“That’s she’s a horrible being.” Starikov sentenced. She was looking at the floor, breathing hard and controlling herself from exploding again “I stayed quiet because I came for you and not her but I despise her, Lena. I hate h—”

“Starikov, I swear to God I’m this close to kick you out and cancel all the fucking research.” Lena said. Her fear had gone out the window, she was full with rage. She wanted Starikov, but she loved Kara and no matter what, that wouldn’t change. She needed to protect her, so when she stood up to Starikov and looked at her in the eyes she managed to say everything without flinching “You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t know her.”

“Oh, really?” Starikov started walking all over the place while pulling her hair up in a ponytail “ _Starikov knows nothing because Kara is my best friend._ You think I don’t know her better than you?” The blonde stopped dead on her tracks and looked back before shouting “You fucking think I don’t remember the same eyes I saw while I was being kicked out of the pod!?”

Lena looked up immediately

“What?”

Starikov used her speed to get to the table. “I need to help Kara, Kara is the most amazing human. But did you ever think that she’s NOT actually human? You can certainly be an idiot when you want to.” She grabbed the same glasses she had discarded while kissing Lena before putting them on quickly “THEY ARE FUCKING GLASSES, LENA!”

Lena felt her whole world crumbling down. This was… It wasn’t possible. Kara. She had always been nice with her, her best friend of almost 4 years. She couldn’t believe Starikov, but, at the same time she couldn’t stop staring at her face. There was nothing that could back up her wanting of all this being a lie. Starikov was there but the glasses, the ponytail… it was Kara. She was looking at Kara.

It was Kara with the body of her sister. Her twin sister. Lena felt her face wet with tears.

 “Get out.”

“I’m sorry for crushing your little fantasy. I thought you would appreciate honesty.” Starikov laughed before she started walking “I know you’ll be back.”

“Get the fuck out of my building.”

Lena only saw a blur of grey as Starikov left. She called Jess while she was gathering all her stuff. “Jess. Please, call Kara and tell her not to come here. I need to pick up some stuff near her house, we’ll meet there.” Lena hung up, not bothering to hear Jess’s confused affirmation.

Everything was boiling up inside Lena. Her stomach twisted, her vision was blurry because of the tears and it felt like the air had been knocked out of her. She felt the need to throw up and ran to the bathroom to let everything go.

She was a mess. Vomit and tears and the feeling of her heart breaking into a million pieces. Starikov’s show hadn’t only shown Lena that Kara was Supergirl, but it revealed a lot of other things. The problem wasn’t that Kara was Supergirl, the problem relied on everything that that implied. James breaking into her vault. Her accusations because of the Kryptonite. Starikov’s arrival to Earth.

All this time Lena had tried to protect Kara, but she didn’t know she needed to protect herself from her.

 

After getting down from the cab, Lena ran towards the building she knew like the palm of her hand. She had spent countless days and nights in that tiny apartment. She remembered cuddling up to Kara after a rough day at L-Corp while Kara caressed her hair and assured her everything would be fine.

Lena started crying again. She had stopped sobbing as soon as she exited her lab but these tears were silent. They were a mixture of anger, sadness and betrayal altogether. The situation made it seem like it had truly been ages since the last time she had gone there and she knew that whoever was waiting for her was not the woman she thought she knew.

She knocked on the door. Square jaw and piercing green eyes. Not a single trace of sadness.

“Lena!” She felt Kara’s arms around her as soon as she opened the door and Lena stiffened. “It was a strange call with Jess, but, I don’t complain having you finally here!”

Lena felt like she was going to throw up again. She wanted out.

“Let me go. Now.”

Kara didn’t hesitate taking her arms away of Lena and moving. Lena pushed Kara aside and entered the apartment.

“Lena?” Kara’s voice sounded worried. “Lena. What’s going on?”

Lena turned back to look at Kara as soon as she heard the door being closed. She crossed her arms across her chest and straightened her back.

“Take off your glasses.”

Kara’s face fell. Her eyes went wide with fear. She looked like she had been busted.

“What?”

“Did I stutter, Kara? Take. Off. Your. Glasses”

“Look, before you say anything, I want you to—“

“Off. Now.”

Kara took off her glasses quickly and stared at Lena’s face. Lena saw her eyes watery but besides that, she saw the same face she had been kissing this past month. She knew Starikov had told her the truth but now, seeing it from Kara… everything made sense, as much as Lena wanted it to be wrong.

Kara’s eyes had already begun spilling tears and her heavy breathing was becoming irregular. Lena could see that Kara was shaking and she chuckled.

“Care to explain why are you crying? Shouldn’t I be the one doing exactly that?”

“Lee, let me—“

Lena shivered at the term of endearment and interrupted her.

“If you ever call me like that again, I swear to God I will do everything in my power to destroy Supergirl and her image”

“Lena, I’m— I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

Lena felt her eyes burning. She wanted to cry. She hated seeing Kara cry but she had to remind herself that this was no longer Kara. The Kara she thought she knew had never existed. It was a façade. The glasses and the suit were really not a good costume, the real mask were her lies.

Of course hiding in plain sight would work. She was too good to have done what Supergirl did. She was too clumsy to know how to fly. She was too pure to have tried to kill someone at 13.  

“You’re a piece of shit. Playing sweet with me.” Lena fixed her hair and started counting with her fingers “You used me. You lied to me. You made me open up to you. For what? To keep a check on the youngest Luthor?”

Kara was now sobbing loudly. She didn’t know if she should reach out to Lena or stay where she was.

“I swear, it wasn’t—“

“Your words mean nothing. You’re a horrendous being. You betrayed me, you doubted me, you crossed my limits, and, on top of that, I get to find out you’re a monster.” Lena clenched her fists and raised her voice “Betraying me could be understandable, but betraying your family? I always knew you had a God complex but this is rich.”

“What? Lena, wait. Whatever… It’s— It’s not what you think”

Lena chuckled

“I loved you, Kara.”

Kara stood frozen. All her recent thoughts had gone away. Lena loved her. She did. In the past. Kara didn’t say anything but her eyes were pleading for mercy. Something that could make them stop crying but Lena threw another strike.

“Alex was so preoccupied of me playing God with my ideas, but does she know that her beloved adoptive sister has been playing God since the day she was born? You’re a murderer. You killed her. I hate you. I hate you so much!”

That’s everything the brunette said before throwing the door and storming out of the apartment. Lena hated her, Kara thought. Lena truly despised her. Whatever opportunity she had with her was now gone. The words love and hate were the only ones in her mind. Lena was no longer hers.

Kara saw the little flashing device near her couch and immediately grabbed it to go after Lena. This was Dr. Vose’s old artefact to contact Supergirl, she needed to at least be aware that, even if  she kept distance, Lena would still be able to reach her.

The brunette was already leaving the building when she felt an arm spinning her around.

“I know that you have every right to be mad at me. I fucked up real bad and I take full responsibility for my actions.” Kara gulped and quietly spoke “If it is what you want, I won’t bother to drop in on you or try to contact you, but you need to have this.” Kara took the small device from her pocket and put it on Lena’s hand. “If you’re ever in danger and you need me, just touch the button and I’ll be there.”

Lena pulled her arm away

“So you have no reason to look for me ever again, Kara Danvers. Don’t bother.”

 

Lena didn’t look back. She kept walking and didn’t want to see Kara’s face after her exit. Kara had been her present and she had hoped for her to be her future, but now… that was only in the past. Lena had erased Kara Danvers from her life. Another lie to her list.

Some hours had passed but Lena could still feel her anger. She was boiling but she liked to feel this hate running freely through her. She wasn’t used to the feeling but it was a high she didn’t want to get down from. At least not now.

The walk towards her apartment had gone quickly. Maybe because her mind was occupied on other things. She didn’t notice the distance she had walked, she only wanted to get home. When she opened the door she felt relief.

She let everything crash the floor and went to her room to get ready for bed when she saw the problem. A blonde haired woman was waiting for her on her bed. Lena hated her as well. It was irrational, because the liar had been her sister but Lena was resentful that Starikov had been the one that had made everything come out. She was responsible for killing her beliefs entirely.

Starikov got up from the bed to face Lena properly and smirked.

“I told you you’d be back”

Lena didn’t think. She needed to let out all of the things she was feeling so she crashed against Starikov’s body. She didn’t want the softness and the lies. She wanted Starikov. Her hard body. Her rough ministrations. Her raw honesty. Their lips were fighting for control but the Russian woman had the upper hand. She was extra-terrestrial after all.

She wanted her tongue full of truths on her and in her. She could feel Starikov’s strong hands roaming her body until they found their place under her thighs to pick her up. Lena was floating. But unlike Kara, Lena knew Starikov would keep her up.

Every trail of kisses Starikov gave her left a path of fire on Lena’s skin. Starikov threw her in the bed and continued her attacks on Lena. The brunette would be fooling herself if she said she could form a coherent thought when she really couldn’t. Not when Starikov was claiming her the way she did. Not when she was submitting to what could possibly be the strongest being alive on Earth.

Starikov seemed to want to take and take everything Lena gave her and the brunette just wanted to be taken. Every bite made her come back to reality. The pain she felt when Starikov scratched her made her feel alive. The blonde woman got naked in a second and Lena stared marvelled. This was the kind of beauty, books described. Perfect toned body, wide back, strong arms and luscious soft lips that were driving her crazy. Starikov got Lena naked with the same speed she had undressed herself.

Lena was trying to tell Starikov to stop the teasing but the only things that came out of her were embarrassing whimpers. She needed more. She just didn’t know how to ask but it didn’t take long before she finally felt Starikov’s fingers inside her.

Lena gasped for air. The brunette got her arms around Starikov’s neck while she kissed her. She could feel the blonde everywhere and it seemed like she was going to explode.  This is exactly what she wanted. Getting lost. Being trapped by Starikov. Knowing how it would feel when Starikov made her die and come back to life again.

Lena was lit like a cigarette, she was all fire and she felt herself burning. She wanted to be consumed by this special creature, consumed by Starikov’s warmth and Starikov… Starikov planned to make the most of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments feed the soul, so help this poor little one out! :) (And please don't kill me. We still have more chapters to read!)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from my writing vacation. Hope you enjoy this!

The blonde grunted in discomfort as she shifted on the bed.

 Kara had always been easy to please. No problem was big enough for it not to be solved with some pizza or potstickers. No day had been so tiring she couldn’t sleep it off and wake up feeling new again. But, right now... it seemed like those 12 hours of sleep had done nothing.

Kara was scared. Her body was in pain and her eyes stung like she had kept them open the entire night, but, besides that, she felt nothing. She had gotten herself ready for a lot of things. She thought she would feel despair and sorrow for a month at least, slowly feeling Lena fade away from her life with that little sting of painful hope in her chest while she wished for her to come back but none of that happened.

She doesn’t know what she was expecting when a clearly agitated Jess called her and informed her that Lena was going to her apartment, but it certainly wasn’t that. She knew that Lena would find out one day. She had imagined all the different scenarios and chickened out every time she felt that she had had enough of lying to her best friend. But she had never expected it to go down like that.

Lena had found out by herself. Lena had taken away her mask and had spat on Kara’s face telling her all the things she knew she deserved. The woman she loved confessing the love she felt for her, _felt._ Only to be followed by one big “I hate you” that still made Kara’s blood freeze and her entire body go numb.

Maybe that was the reason why she didn’t feel any of the emotions she was supposed to be feeling. She had stayed there, stuck. Not knowing what to say after watching Lena leave the building. She had gone to her room and cried herself to sleep but nothing she was feeling made her get up and go after Lena. There was nothing to go after.

She would have gone and apologize to her, she would have thrown herself at her feet and begged for mercy if she had seen any bit of hesitation on Lena’s eyes. But when she stared at her and looked at her eyes, they flashed anger and disappointment and that spike of pure hate that let her know that she was no longer welcomed in her life. Kara had lost her. Truly lost her so she filled herself with the only things she could feel: resignation and guilt.

Kara got up. Her body was rigid and all of her limbs weighed too damn much. She looked at her bed and saw all the dust covering the sheets. Her body was stained with a thin layer of what she presumed to be coal. She remembered the building consuming itself in flames and how she had put it out.

It had become a routine.  Every night she would arrive home after a long day of Supergirl only to collapse on her bed and wait for the next day. She didn’t take her uniform off until the morning after, she didn’t bother taking a shower before sleeping. She loved the feeling of her dirty skin and hair when the sun woke her up. She loved waking up feeling disgusted by her state. Loathing herself. Hating herself for what she had become. She rejoiced falling down in a spiral of mocking insults within her own brain. She loved to call herself all the hideous things she thought Lena should be calling her.

She got to the bathroom, ready for her morning shower like every day since the reveal. Her life could be narrowed down to the same actions on repeat, although this time, she didn’t remember having arrived home.

She turned on the shower and got under it. The stream of water was falling on top of her while she got lost in her own pity again.

Supergirl was a duty.

She used to enjoy flying around the city helping people. Everyone cheering for her. She loved it. She felt free using her powers, something Kara Danvers could never do. But now, she just did it for the sake of responsibility. She couldn’t not do something when she knew she could save at least one person each day. She couldn’t also deny Alex of her help, besides everything that had happened, Kara still felt deep love for her sister. However, she wondered how many days would be needed for that love to not be enough for her to keep the “hero of the city” alive.

Hero. Alien. Not... not human.

Kara frowned and stared at the droplets of water sticking on her skin. She had chosen the hottest temperature for a reason.  She wanted to feel something. Steam was filling the bathroom and clouding her vision. Anyone would have second-degree burns if they were to touch this water, but she didn’t feel a thing.

Her skin wasn’t human either. She couldn’t feel the burning temperature even if she wanted to. She was a monster on Earth. She didn’t want to feel empty. She didn’t want to feel numb. She just wanted to feel something. To truly feel again.

Lena Luthor had gone and she had taken Kara Danvers with her. She had left an empty double behind. A robot. One that knew and said and felt nothing. Kara started crying.

She started scrubbing her back with the bath brush. Short strong movements. For the first time in her life she wanted to bleed and look at the blood fading away in the bathroom floor. Like she was cleansing herself from the inside. She wanted the pain that reminded her she was alive.

Nothing happened.

She used her super speed, moving the brush across her back as fast as she could and growled in frustration before sobbing loudly and crouching on the floor. The brush broken in her hand. Her skin perfect. Perfection she wanted to erase.

“Kara!?”

The blonde raised her face as soon as she heard Alex’s voice. She didn’t know what she was doing there but she knew she wanted nothing to do with it.

“Leave me alone!”

Kara heard the door open and saw her sister entering the bathroom.

“You know that’s not going to happen.” Alex looked everywhere trying to figure out the objects in the room through the fog. “Jesus. Are you trying to boil yourself in there?”

Kara laughed unenthusiastically while she turned off the shower.

“Yes.”

“No.” Alex looked sad and preoccupied. She was worried for her little sister. “C’mon. Up”

Kara looked at Alex’s extended hands willing to help her up.

“Go away.”

Alex sighed and took of her shoes.

“Well, since you don’t want to come out and I refuse to leave you alone, I guess I have to stay here with you, naked lady.” Alex got in the shower and pat on Kara’s shoulder “Scoot.”

“Why are you here anyway?”

“It is not common finding my baby sister drunk as hell in the alien bar.” Alex hugged her knees to her chest while speaking “I know you’ve been… distant this past 2 weeks but I have never seen you like this.”

“Broken?”

“If that’s the word that describes your feelings right now.”

“I don’t feel.”

Kara whimpered quietly and started crying again. Few seconds passed before she felt Alex’s arms around her and her hands caressing her hair. “Shhh. Shhh. It’s ok.” She kissed her forehead and grabbed Kara gently by the chin forcing her to look up “What happened Kara?”

“Lena.”

Alex soon remembered all those nights that Kara had spent planning how to confess her feelings to Lena. Her rambling about needing to tell her in a safe and private environment so she didn’t feel forced to acknowledge her feelings if they weren’t reciprocal, then rambling about waiting because of James and Lena’s breakup, then asking for permission to reveal her secret, then worrying about ruining their friendship and Alex reassuring her that Lena loved her far too much for that to happen. She realized she was dealing with rejection at its finest. The purest heart she knew, broken once again.

“I’m sorry, Kara. But, you know, the same thing happened with Maggie and me, remember? But we made it work afterwards.” Alex was playing with Kara’s hair. “If not, then you can still be friends. Whatever makes her happy, that’s how loving works.”

“What?” Kara looked confused “No, Alex. It has nothing to do with that.”

“Uh… then, what happened with Lena?”

“Supergirl happened.”

“Hm. Right. She didn’t take the news well?”

“She hates me, Alex.” Kara shrugged Alex’s arms off her and grabbed her head like she was trying to focus on her words “She found out. She hates me.”

“She’ll come around, Kara. She’ll understand. She’s smart.”

“She won’t! I know it. I fucking know it!” Kara snapped and got up while grabbing a towel to cover her naked body “I-“ Kara gulped and pointed at herself slowly “I saw her. I saw her hate. I saw how she looked at me.”

 “You should try to explain. Hell, I’d prove her that the D.E.O made you stay quiet.” Alex got up and looked at Kara with remorse. She knew just how much Kara had wanted to explain everything before and now she was coming face to face with the results of forcing Kara to not speak about it.

“There’s nothing for me to explain.” Kara said with a broken voice “I’m done being the source of her pain.”

/

 

Lena went backwards after the fist connected with her face. The brunette got startled but, as soon as she felt it, she went straight to her attacker. Lena had always been the brains, never the brawn so when Starikov’s eyes went to her leg discovering the kick Lena was about to throw, she knew she wouldn’t even get close to her body.

Starikov’s face changed from a pleased smile everytime she managed to hit Lena full-force to a smirk of satisfaction each time she guessed the scientist’s next move. For her it was child’s play, but for Lena it was hell.

Lena saw Starikov’s hand grab her leg and twist it before blasting a punch to her shoulder blade. Lena fell to her knees and raised her hands after touching the ground.

“I surrender! Stop.”

Starikov relaxed her body while laughing and went straight to Lena. She kneeled next to her and took off the helmet protecting her head. Lena’s hair was glued to her face mixed because of the sweat. Her cheeks were red and her lips were parted while trying to grab some air. She caressed her cheekbones.

“You’re getting better.”

“That was a beatdown.”

“You could have used the Kryptonite.”

Lena whimpered while getting up and Starikov helped her up. Although she wasn’t really hurt, she felt sore. It was like a truck had ran her over, left her alive and then ran over her again to kill her.

“What’s the point of having a fighting suit if I don’t know how to fight?”

“I know. The entire point is to look for the weaknesses of the Lexosuit in combat and to train you. But you could have done it, if it was too much.” Starikov smiled “I still can’t believe this thing can resist a Kryptonian full force” She looked at the disengaged arm, exactly where her fist had connected with Lena’s shoulder blade. “Well, _almost.”_

“It held its ground for longer this time though.”

“It did.”

Lena stripped off the Lexosuit and left it on the table.

“So… we still need to reinforce the arms. Prevent them from unlocking from the main structure.”

 “Other than that, it is fine. It really hit hard, and, although the force knocked you backwards, the suit seems perfect.” Starikov checked it out “No holes. No real damage.”

“I could take out a less powerful alien. You fight like you were part of the military and that’s not fair” Lena scoffed and Starikov laughed loudly “With this. Humans could defend themselves. Have humans fighting alongside heroes.”

“It would stop the protests. Wouldn’t it?”

“Yes. It definitely would.”

“Are you always this fascinatingly brilliant?”

“Just wait until I can finally beat your ass with my super suit.” Lena smiled faintly and looked at the floor “Did you know this isn’t my first super suit?”

Starikov sat down on the table and gestured Lena to sit on her lap.

Lena went to her and tried to get up, failing miserably in her intent of using her strength to sit on top of Starikov’s thighs. The blonde was amused because of Lena’s clumsiness and took pity on the smaller woman, taking her by the hips and lifting her of the ground until she was secured between her arms. She softly spoke, hiding her face in the crook of Lena’s neck.

“Really?”

“Yes.” Lena answered while looking lost in thought. Her eyes were distant. “This Lexosuit was my brother’s creation before going to prison. I like to think of it as a war machine. He used it to fight Superman but failed.”  Starikov looked up waiting for Lena to continue. “When I took over L-Corp, everything that was his became mine and after my mom used to kill Morgan Edge, I realized just how important this could be. They looked like they were gods in it. Exactly what everyone is asking for _— Power._ ”

Lena felt a tear escape her eye

“But this isn’t me. This is Lex with some Lena in the modifications.” Lena sighed when she felt Starikov’s hand in her hair. Soft caresses that reminded her that she wasn’t alone. “Your sister told me how bad Kryptonite is for her. _Like skin being seared of her bones_ , she said. That night I went straight to my lab and started working on something. It’s true that she had doubted me but… I guess I understood why Supergirl could doubt a Luthor handling Kryptonite.”

“So you made her a suit?”

“I couldn’t bear the thought of her writhing because of the pain that rock could cause her. So I wanted to protect her. That suit is me.” Lena stopped Starikov’s hand and took it on hers “It worked. I protected her from the Kryptonite when the air was filled with it. And now, after all this time, I realize I was keeping Kara alive.” Her grip on Starikov was stronger “While she was lying to me.”

“You have me, Lena.”

“I know.”

“Why don’t we fix this suit, huh?” Starikov smiled “Make it stronger. Maybe that way you could help me beat her up someday.”

Lena scoffed

“How the tables have turned.”

 

Both women lost track of time after that talk. After the reveal, everything hurt inside of Lena. There was no easy way to cope with the fact that the person she loved the most had been playing her for years and had hurt her the way she had, but Lena had been successful locking her pain inside of her and keeping it there.

The way Kara looked at her when they confronted. Her manipulating tears. How her world changed in a matter of seconds. Only two weeks had passed but it seemed like Kara Danvers was nothing more than a ghost. Someone that never existed. She was alive, of course, but the person she portrayed in front of Lena was non-existent.

The only thing left from the reporter was the little device she had given her. Hidden in her office. It would be stupid denying herself of having something for emergencies and emergencies only. She was no stranger to assassination attempts and she had Starikov, but the girl hadn’t shown any signs of wanting to become a superhero anytime soon. Kara was her only option if a tragedy was to occur.

 _Starikov._ She really was something else. Lena hated to admit that that cocky vibe of hers and the power she exuded drew her in. It didn’t help that she was physically just like Kara, the woman she wanted in her life, it made it easier to want her, but she was not her. This woman was honesty and strength. She supported her, never treated her like a damsel in distress. She treated her like an equal. With admiration. With respect.

She blushed a little bit remembering her first night with her. The way she had been taken by her. Her rough kisses and the way her skin reddened after her touches. Her heart was in pain and her body was also hurt because of Starikov’s might, but after the sting of her bites and her hard caresses, she managed to sooth her skin and take her pain away. All of it.

No one had kissed her like that. No one had consumed her body like the world was going to end soon. She had the most powerful being clinging onto her for dear life and Lena took all of it. Her mind soon forgot what had happened earlier and all she could think of was Starikov. All of the things she was making her feel.

She had that command over her. She made her forget. She absorbed all of her attention and made Lena focus on her. She didn’t have problems to solve, cures to create or people to hate… she only had her.  When she laughed again, few hours after the suit talk, she confirmed it.

She was happy because of her company and any sadness she could have felt before had gone away. “Stay still.” Lena said amused looking at Starikov.

“I am trying not to move!” She grinned while moving the piece with all of her intentions, trying to make it look ‘accidental’.

“Well, try harder!”

Starikov held the arm of the suit still while Lena adjusted it to the main structure. Her new lab partner was amazing carrying the heavy stuff but she loved messing with Lena from time to time.

Lena hadn’t had so much fun in her lab before Starikov. Although everything was as serious as before, now they could sneak in a couple laughs just for the sake of it, to enjoy each other’s presence and to make the weird chemicals and complicated suits less scary

“Done. Gladly you’re better holding stuff than being subtle with your tiny accidents.”

“I still get the job done.” Starikov winked at Lena before asking “Do we still have apples left?”

Lena nodded and pointed at the mini fridge, not bothering again to remind Starikov of how many apples she had eaten. She begun taking notes of the modifications she was doing to the suit.

“You really like your apples, huh?”

“And you.”

Lena laughed and raised an eyebrow before going for a peck on her lips.

“We had already established that.”

Lena stopped writing and excitedly squealed.

“Yes! Done for the day.”

Starikov offered her hand after pretending to be some kind of knight in shiny armor.

“Would you let me walk you home, miss? I wouldn’t like you walking around alone at 4 am in the morning. It’s dangerous.”

“I would very much like that.”

The walk home was fast. In no time they were lying on Lena’s bed. The brunette heard the blonde’s rapid heartbeat and steady breaths. They both were tired so Lena’s yawning started as soon as her back touched the mattress. She was caressing Starikov’s arm while her head was on her chest. She kept staring at her companion’s face. Eyelids closed while she tried to sleep.  Lena didn’t want to sleep but her eyes were betraying her.

“What will happen?”

Starikov opened her eyes with Lena’s question

“What?”

“I give you the cure, then what?” Starikov looked lost in thought, trying to figure out what to say. “We’re friends and yes, we sleep together, but— I know you stay here because I ask you to. We aren’t dating. So, when I give you what you want and you no longer need to be here in National City, what will happen?”

“I don’t know. I could travel back and forth, I guess. I—I mean, if—if you want me to.”  Starikov smiled Lena reassuringly “We don’t have to stop being friends and also, we’re doing so many things in your lab besides the Harun-El project! I still need to teach you how to fight so you can modify the Lexosuit accordingly.”

“You need to tell me where you learnt to fight like that”

“Top secret, Lena Luthor.”

“Hm” Lena started caressing Starikov’s arm again “I talked to Eve before you arrived today.”

“You did?”

“I managed to lower the death risk to a 5%.” Lena took a deep breath “I told her to call Adam Johnston” The brunette looked at Starikov with a raised eyebrow and focused on her surprised look.

“Aaand?”

“He’s coming tomorrow for blood samples. The formula is not ready yet but— I think I can handle it just fine. Couple days from tomorrow, we could start the trials.”

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

Lena closed her eyes and turned her back to her. She had never been a ‘spooning’ kind of person, but Starikov made her feel protected when she hugged her like that. She muttered a quiet _“no”_ and tried to sleep. She could only hear a quiet “ _You’re a goddess Lena Luthor”_ and feel a tiny kiss on the back of her head before she passed out.

/

She fucking hated the weather in Russia. It’s not like she could really be affected by the cold but she really hated how Siberia was always so cloudy and cold. Not even the moon managed to light up that tiny region that she called home and since it was a rural area, there weren’t any tall buildings, everything was so different from National City’s bright lights.

She knew daytime could be a little bit more enjoyable. The sun illuminated the town, but it wasn’t like she was experiencing days there a lot, since she had been spending her days with Lena for months. She only returned at nights, after Lena fell asleep and if she didn’t wake up next to her then she was in L-Corp few hours after Lena’s arrival with something to drink.

She hated the weather but she loved arriving there and going to her house. Free to use her powers and without the risk of having any of the Super cousins encountering her by mistake. She didn’t hate Kal-El. She wasn’t particularly fond of him but she didn’t actually hate him. Kara took all of her worse feelings.

She opened the door of her home and went inside. She saw Rez first and he greeted her. She had grown to like Rez. She thought of him like a brother, and Mother always said that he was like her son.

“Where’s mother, Rez?”

“Downstairs.” Rez had a straight face but excitement was flashing on his eyes “Anything new?”

Starikov handed him a paper and spoke “I’m going to my room and I really don’t want to be bothered. Tell Mother to find me there.”

“Okay.”

Starikov’s home was big. It didn’t seem like it from the outside, but beneath the surface there were floors and floors to be discovered. Claustrophobia had been hard at first, however, now she enjoyed the fact that her room was on the lowest floor. No one could annoy her. It was only herself and her thoughts. And Mother, she used to go to her when she needed of her assistance or to let her know it’s time for training.

The tiny room in front of her door gave her enough space to exercise and do whatever she wanted in her spare time. But another thing she hated was the men that stayed there and used the space like it was some kind of bar sometimes. Mother had told them to leave her alone, but since no one got down there, they used it to sneak in the alcohol and pass the bottle around for a bit before going back to work.

She saw them and just nodded, acknowledging their presence and going to open her door when she felt a hand on her butt and the laughs behind her.

“I can’t believe he actually did it. Oh man” one said and another followed right after “Dude got balls of steel. For real.”

The four guys standing there seemed to be having fun, especially the one that had the hand on her. Apparently refusing to let her go until she reacted somehow. Starikov threw her hand backwards gently and lightly went down through the length of his arm with her fingertip until she arrived to his hand and put hers on top of his.

The man was smirking like he had won the world. He was probably thinking she wanted him. She finally had chosen one and it was him. Cold Starikov needed a big strong guy to fuck her senseless perhaps. She knew it had become a challenge between all the men to see who could get in her pants first and she smiled. Men could be so stupid sometimes.

She squeezed his hand softly while speaking “Oh my— Grankin.” She felt the first crack and his howl of pain because of the broken finger. She secured his hand preventing him from going away and turned to face him. With every word she spoke, another finger broken “That. Wasn’t. Really. Smart.” She threw him to the wall beside her and heard his arm break because of the force.

The sound really pleased her. The pain she knew he was feeling was comforting her. Something always ignited inside of her when she managed to hurt someone without restraints. She knew the men would be too scared to move so she used her super speed to get to Grankin.

“Should I rip off your arm to make you learn you can’t touch a woman without her permission?”

“It was him! He challenged me.” Grankin was pointing frantically towards one of the tallest men of the room.

“So it was you?”

The man was pale as snow. He gulped and raised his hands up.

“Starikov, I’m sorry. It was a prank. A joke. That’s it.” He kneeled in front of her “Please, don’t hurt me.”

Pathetic, she thought. Humans could be so— egocentric sometimes. Stupid. Thinking actions can’t have consequences.

“Now. If I let you walk freely, how would your friends learn the lesson?”

He didn’t have time to answer before Starikov directed her heat vision straight through his brain. She smiled sadistically while she saw him burn and become nothing. There was something really powerful about seeing life fade away in front of her. It was like she could actually see his soul leaving his body. She felt a pleasing shiver down her spine, he was dying because of her. Screams had drawn the attention of everyone else, she had heard the footsteps but she knew they wouldn’t come down until she was finished.

Until the guy was dead. No one would dare to defy her in the middle of a rage outburst. She didn’t stop until she was certain that fucker was fried. When the screams stopped and the heat vision retreated, she cleaned her uniform and heard the sound of heels going down the stairs. A strong voice spoke.

“Reznikov. Take Grankin and his friends upstairs and please, clean this up.”

“Yes. Commander Zuyev.”

Starikov saw Rez take all of them to the upper floors, leaving the corpse behind.

“I have told you. You can’t start killing people everytime they get on your nerves, Starikov.”

“I’m sorry, Zuyev.” Starikov soon retracted “I mean, Mother.”

“Have you learned nothing, child?” Zuyev laughed “I’m going to let it pass, only because Reznikov said you had good news.”

“I do, Mother.”

Starikov felt the soft hand on her shoulder.

“So suits that can be used as weapons and finally the scientist has turned her back on the Super, huh? Anything else?”

“Oh, Mother.” Starikov smiled wickedly “There’s just so much more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Universe can take two gorgeous, smart and also nice blondes at the same time. Someone needed to be evil. Starikov legion of fans, please don't kill me, I would really like to finish the story.
> 
> Share your thoughts! I need comments like Kara needs her potstickers.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay but between the holidays and my birthday. I just didn't have time. Enjoy all the stuff that came to my mind during the break and also pardon my mistakes.

“Is it difficult?”

Starikov looked up to see Rez while he cured her shoulder. A massive burn was there and she winced a little bit because of the pain. She hated being punished, but she had to keep a straight face for her _Mother_ to feel like she was submitting to her. _“I should make you clean the blood”_ she had said. She scoffed, the man she killed was a piece of shit anyway.

“Is it difficult?” she heard again.

“What?”

“Well. Having to lie and all that.”

Starikov smiled. Reznikov had been the only guy that she had liked since she arrived, or was born. Whatever thing someone could call what had happened to her.

“I need to do it if I want to live. While Supergirl exists, I cannot be someone.”

Starikov’s existence was strange. She knew she had woken up naked and alone in Siberia, she could also remember her life as Kara Danvers. Fighting Reign, until she touched that stone. But her existence was… _weird._ She was a person. She could move and had thoughts of her own, but she had been part of another person before.

She was part of Kara Danvers until Kara Danvers split herself when she touched the Harun-El. Every little ragged breath Supergirl exhaled while helping Sam was responsible of Starikov’s creation. Little by little, a mind, a body, a purpose.

She liked to think of themselves as twins. Kara’s body had been the host of multiple personalities throughout her life. Zor-El, Danvers, Supergirl but they were all essentially the same. All of them were good. The first carried abandonment issues and a never ending guilt that crushed her for surviving Krypton which caused her to try to redeem herself. The second one tried so hard to be human that Starikov felt like throwing up every time she thought about it, coward about her feelings, allowing to be bossed around by anyone, again, to try to redeem herself. And Supergirl… that was her favourite, an alien that helps those who force her not be herself and traps aliens that don’t want to lock away their nature, while, at the same time, having a no-kill policy that could make any Kryptonian warrior laugh. Oh, she really was an idiot.

Starikov could be described as those malicious thoughts that came only when Kara was exposed to Red Kryptonite and made her lose her inhibitions. She remembered that night. Flying around causing havoc. “Evil” Kara, she had been called. Starikov was Kara. Her bad side finally unleashed completely and made into an actual person. Kara, but separated from any feeling that could be considered _nice._ Kara, but this time she was the twin with the dark mind and dark plans. _Kara._ She hated that name. If Zuyev had done something right was renaming her as Starikov. Something powerful. Something strong.

 But Kara? She despised having been associated with someone as weak as her before.

Supergirl wouldn’t been able to know that while she was touching the Harun-El, Starikov was detaching herself from her. Supergirl had no way to grasp what was happening, but Starikov could feel the lightness while she was being created, the first breath she took while finally being free and then darkness, until she opened her eyes and saw everything for the first time. As her. With her own eyes.

Kara’s complete knowledge. Starikov’s complete power. Trapped in a new body.

Psychology was interesting. All humans and aliens and living conscious beings had divided minds. Ying and yang was a simple way to put it. Lena Luthor was an interesting one. All the stories she had told her about her brother Lex when both women were laying on her bed after spending the night together. Lex, the psychopath.  Lex, the one that had had no second thoughts about killing people.

Yet, Lena told her about having gone to Edge’s office and pointing a gun to his head out of anger. Also about that incident when she shot the man that was holding Alex Danvers. It seemed ironic that Lena had said multiple times that she was different from her brother because she’d never kill. But, her actions had proven different.

Starikov was certain everyone could kill, but they just needed to have been triggered with the right things before. Edge used his words and managed to dissuade Lena, but when Lena saw Alex trapped she had no second thoughts about shooting the guy. She could murder, just like any other being… she just hadn’t been ticked enough on some occasions to actually go for it.

Everyone checks on their impulses, most people are raised in good environments with nice little families and would never face hard decisions that would require them to take someone’s life… until maybe they did and, in that moment, Starikov was certain that no one would hesitate to murder anyone that dared to hurt them or those they love.

_Those they love._

Starikov doesn’t know what excited her the most. The sheer terror she knew Kara would feel when they meet for the first time, probably wondering what the hell had happened. Or Lena’s teary eyes when she realized she had been helping the wrong person and that her beloved Kara was a weak and pathetic woman who had never dared to speak up.

Would that be Kara’s trigger? Would Kara finally try to kill her when she found out that the evil version of herself had fucked the woman she loved the most? Had done what she so craved to do? Oh, she’d have fun with that.

And Lena.

She almost felt sorry for her. A poor pawn in a game that shouldn’t involve her. But wrecking Supergirl started with the brunette. She also hated her. Starikov despised her guts. She felt disgusted by that woman and she hated herself for doing so. Lena was the definition of human excellence. Lena was the perfect example of what humans should aspire to be.

Beautiful like no one else. Smarter than billions. With the perfect balance between having all the means to be evil but choosing not to because she doesn’t want to. Perfect control of her impulses. With the ability to create life and prototypes that gave her what aliens had because of fortune, using her brain. Lena could conquer the world if she wanted, but she didn’t want that power. Maybe that was her mistake, _that_ and her naivety.

If Starikov could feel love, she was sure she’d love Lena. The closest thing to love she could feel was admiration and, even though, she hated her… she admired Lena Luthor. When they met, Starikov felt sick at all the hatred she felt towards the scientist. If she was someone different, she wouldn’t be feeling those things towards someone as intelligent as her. But she was Kara’s other half, the bad half, the opposite of who Kara was. Two sides of a coin. The same material, but carved differently.

If Kara felt this infinite and undying love for Lena, what could Starikov do but settle with the infinite amount of hate that caused her? She couldn’t help it. Everything Kara hated seemed like the only things Starikov could enjoy. The feeling of fulfilment when she managed to take a soul out of a body, the power her lies had on people to the point she could manipulate everyone, this wanting to use her powers freely and embrace her most powerful side… that was Starikov.

And as soon as Kara loved someone or something, Starikov just felt repulsion and hate. Perhaps that’s why she found comfort in eating apples, undoubtedly why she felt her stomach turn when she was near Lena.

Sex was the only cool part of her relationship. At least, she could rub that on the little blonde’s face.

Her nights with Lena were nice. She enjoyed being with her but mostly because she could conquer what Kara Danvers couldn’t and that was the biggest satisfaction she would ever get. Taking from her. Destroying them both at the same time without them knowing. She loved feeling Lena beneath her and sometimes holding her a little bit too strong. She sometimes thought about squeezing her a little harder. Would she crush under her? Would she scream for help? Did she know her tiny hands didn’t cause scratches on her back like she wanted to? Did she know that her life only depended on Starikov’s control and what she wanted? She liked to hold her by the neck in some occasions. Softly but firm. She loved having Lena’s life in her hands.  And when she saw her enjoying herself every time, she couldn’t help but think that Lena just needed a little bit of pressure and she’d be gone. Gone not knowing what happened.  And that usually was the thought that pushed her over the edge every single night. 

“Starikov?”

Starikov blinked quickly after Reznikov’s voice and grunted.

“Reznikov. I tolerate you, but I was having nice thoughts and you just interrupted me. Don’t push your luck”

Rez looked at her with big eyes, like he was about to piss himself. Starikov didn’t see herself ever hurting him. He had proven being loyal and she needed loyal people to fulfil her plans. Zuyev thought she was smart, but what would happen when Starikov equipped some soldiers with amazing suits and gave them superpowered serum? They would end her if Starikov ordered them. She’d be unstoppable. She would have a legion of people. And if Kara Danvers was dead, she could be whole for once. She could be the master of the fucking planet. Until she got bored and destroyed it or she felt like doing something else.

“It’s just, I was wondering why you let Mother do these things to you?” He genuinely looked confused. “You could do her what you did to Grankin’s friend. Why do you let yourself be hurt with Kryptonite?”

“Because I told you she needs to feel like she’s in control.”

Starikov lowered her voice and stood up shaking him away from her. Everything she did screamed danger.

“I know, but… _You don’t need her._ You have the power to make your plans happen. No?”

“To destroy her, yes. To fulfil my plans, no.” Starikov crossed her arms “When I became me I only had recollection of Supergirl’s knowledge. Her training with that organization. But everything was so controlled, all of it except one single memory where I felt free in the night, shooting red. Alive.” Starikov started getting ready to leave while speaking “Zuyev has given me the knowledge Supergirl doesn’t have. I have been able to explore that unleashed power and rage and anger that Kara doesn’t know she can have. Lena has managed to give me everything I need because that old woman taught me how to lie.”

“Ok.”

“If I have to patiently wait for revenge on Zuyev for hurting me with Kryptonite in order to gain more knowledge and abilities for my plan to be perfect, I will. I have time.” Starikov grabbed the man’s shoulder “I patiently waited for a punishment I knew was coming for days. She doesn’t forgive the mess. It’s stupid. But I’m not the only one that needs patience. _We_ have time, Reznikov. We’ll take over this place and you will help me control everything else. You’ll know when the time comes.”

“What about the girl? She seems nice.”

Starikov looked at Reznikov in the eyes.

“Do you think if Supergirl is dead I won’t have her feelings wandering around making me hate Lena?”

“I don’t know. That could happen, I guess.”

 “Good.”

“Why?”

“I could use some company, when the world bows to my feet. I need the best. _She is the best.”_

“You know she’ll find out inevitably. Right?”

“Yes.”

“What’s going to happen when she hates you for what you did?”

“If she’s stupid enough to rebel against me after I kill Kara. I guess that I have enough power to show her that everyone is disposable. She’d be happy going with her _best friend_ wherever hell I send her to _._ ”

\--

Lena was used to waking up alone, but when Starikov arrived, she started loving her mornings. Sometimes they met in her lab when Starikov was needed in Russia longer, but days like this one, she could wake up feeling her warmth next to her and, for the first time in many years, she wanted to stay on her bed a little longer.

“You need to wake up, miss Luthor”

She heard and felt a kiss on her forehead

“Why are you dressed?” Lena mumbled tiredly and turned around to face Starikov and placed a tiny peck on her lips. “Good morn— Shit!”

Lena got up quickly with a startled look while Starikov laughed “What time is it!?”

“Shhh. It’s only 7 am. Your meeting with Adam is at 9.” Starikov caressed her hair and showed her a bag with her other hand while smiling “And I brought breakfast.”

“I thought for a moment that Adam was already waiting for me at L-Corp” Lena said, grabbed the bag and opened it “Breakfast in bed? You sure all full of surprises.”

“You bet. They’re Syrnikis.” She scratched her head and Lena smiled at her sudden display of embarrassment “Uh— my mother made them for you. To thank you for your help”

“So Russian breakfast in bed with my favourite Russian woman from your lovely Russian mother?” Lena started eating rapidly “Hm, I don’t know what could be better than that.”

“Sharing it with me, maybe?”

Lena stopped chewing

“Oh God, sorry. It’s just— Ugh, they’re— excellent. They’re too good!”

She offered Starikov the meal and started sharing breakfast. Starikov became another person when she was eating, she looked almost innocent, if that was possible. Absent minded, just enjoying her food.

She offered her a tiny bottle of juice, everything was in another language but when Lena saw the images of the apples, she chuckled. Starikov was truly a fan and she found that endearing.

When they finished, Lena got on top of her and rested her head on Starikov’s shoulder. The blonde hugged her.

“Thanks, this was lovely.”

“You’re welcome, Lena.”

 “I really mean it. I haven’t had breakfast in bed in a long time. My mother used to do it all the time. My _real_ mother.” The hold of the brunette got tighter and she looked up at those beautiful blue eyes “Would you shower with me?”

“Uh— I don’t think there’s time for—“

Lena kissed her cheek softly

“Just a shower. I promise.”

Lena felt Starikov lift her up and take her to her bathroom, before gently putting her down and turning the shower on. The water was warm and she decided to get under it while the blonde undressed herself.

She looked amazing as always. She scanned her body while Starikov was getting on the shower with her until she saw her shoulder and a little red mark there. She grazed her fingers on it and Starikov glanced down.

“Oh— that. I might have had a shoulder to shoulder encounter with the Kryptonite some people leave for Supergirl all over the world. Nothing serious, I promise.”

“But you winced a little just now.”

“Just reflex. It’s ok. It’s healing now.”

 “Did it hurt a lot?” Lena looked at the mark with a frown, inspecting it. She was worried. “Did it hurt you like Kara said?”

“Just in the moment.”

“It is dangerous. It could’ve been more. Kara has the D.E.O to look after her, but what do you have Starikov?”

“I have myself, Lena. That’s all I need. I really am fine. Trust me?”

“Ok.”

“Now, let’s get you cleaned up. You have an important meeting today.”

Lena couldn’t help but laugh and Starikov showered her with tiny kisses on her face. She could really get used to this.

-

Lena decided to walk to L-Corp that morning. It was a sunny day with just the perfect amount of clouds on top of her. Not enough to cover the sun, but enough to let her walk without feeling her skin burning. She had dismissed her driver for the day. She knew Starikov would walk home with her after her day was over. Few days ago they had walked hand in hand at 4 am in the morning, just the two of them and Lena felt as safe as she felt when Supergirl was by her side. No one could hurt her, but no one was watching. They had privacy, they could be themselves. They could be what she wanted for her and Kara to be for such a long time.

She took out her phone and checked Adam’s blood samples. The ones Eve had taken with her two days ago. He was the perfect candidate. Luckily, she had managed to lower the death risk. Today was the day. She’d finally find out the results of her hard work and investigations. She was scared it failed and it hurt Adam, although she was confident of all the tests she had done prior to this day. She was also scared for getting it right and finally give Starikov what she had come to look for, the first time they met.

The woman had promised her not to leave, but her sister had also promised quite a few things before the whole truth came out. Lena shook her head and tried to focus again on the samples she was supposed to be studying. Starikov wasn’t like Kara, she had proven to be different. Honest. Supportive.

And beautiful. God, so beautiful. Her broad shoulders and her wide smile, the crinkle on her nose when she focused on a project. Her long blonde hair and those piercing blue eyes that seems to study her with every movement, trying to absorb everything they saw. She was so perfect. She was just like Kara.

_Kara._

She had kept her promise intact. Her ex best friend hadn’t come find her and had respected her boundaries. She knew all these terrible things about her now. She had lied to her. She had invaded her privacy and made her ex-boyfriend break into her vault. She had used the Luthor name against her and she had tried to kill the only family she knew she had left when she was young. It seemed like they were two different people. The Kara she met and the real Kara.   

Lena got fearful goosebumps every time she thought of her. She had pretended to be strong and she had kept her act intact, but, it was scary for her to know that deep down, even after all the new knowledge she had about her, Lena loved her. It was a sick kind of love. But it was those kind of feelings you can’t just take away from your chest. It was constantly there. In her mind, in her heart.

Kara Danvers didn’t exist for her. But the feelings she had were still present. Not for the person she was now, but for the person Lena thought she was. She felt a sudden emptiness in her stomach and that known sense of guilt wash over her. Starikov.

They hadn’t put a name to what they had. Probably lab-buddies who resolve their issues sleeping together, but it was sickening how much she enjoyed the fact that she looked just like Kara. It was unfair, but probably it was what she wanted. Kara telling her she was a goddess, Kara making love to her, Kara being honest and understanding and supportive. She knew they were different and she also appreciated the fact that Starikov was the woman she was, but, there would always be that little bit of hidden guilty-pleasure knowing that she could have the woman she had loved with all the qualities she so desperately needed.

Lena got into the elevator, palms sweating and heavy breaths knowing that Adam would be there waiting for her. Starikov had promised to wait for her in the lab so when she had to go down with the boy, she would already be there to help her. She actually didn’t need her help but, it would calm her knowing she was there to keep her company.

“Hey! Dr. L” Lena heard a masculine voice say before she felt Adam’s arms surround her with such easiness and confidence, Lena had to double check he wasn’t a long lost friend. “I thought you were never going to call me for the” He got closer to her ear “ _the thing.”_

“Eve is one of the most capable employees of this building, Adam. She knows everything about it. Don’t worry.” She opened the doors to her office and Adam followed while she picked up everything she’d need. “You ready?” Adam nodded obediently “Ok then, follow me.”

The two of them went towards Lena’s private elevator, the one that she was only allowed to use and that took her straight to the lowest floor where her prototypes were kept.

“Whatever you see here falls into the non-disclosure agreement.” She opened the door “I don’t think you’re the kind of person to sell information to the newspaper but, only for mere formality, if you open your mouth, L-Corp sues.”

“Got it.” Adam response was automatic but his face showed excitement and concentration. He really felt special after having been picked from thousands of participants. He hadn’t been able to save his brother after he gave him his kidney, but, if he could be helpful to science in order to save millions, he would gladly do so.

Dr. L, as he liked to call Lena, had been really clear with him. She had explained every risk and also mentioned the death risk rate he would be facing. Mostly, he didn’t care. He had little expectations from life and if his death could be beneficial, then maybe that would count as succeeding.

When Adam looked up beyond the tiny room prepared for him that could be seen from the distance, a tall blonde woman caught his attention. He hoped he didn’t look as pathetic as he think he looked, but after that vision he could only stutter. Not every day there’s a chance to meet the hero in person.

“Su—Supergirl?”

Lena’s head quickly glanced up and caught a glimpse of Starikov. Of course he would think she was Supergirl. They were freaking twins, for God’s sake. But could she reveal Starikov’s identity? She thought not.  What would Adam think now. She needed to let him know.

“She’s— uh. She’s not, she’s not—“Lena felt Starikov’s hands on her shoulders making her shut up and let her handle the situation.

“I’m not hard to remember when you can see my face everywhere, huh?”

Adam was sweating without any clue of where to look and what to say. He just stood there, mouth opened for seconds after he stopped.

“I— I didn’t know Dr. L would call you. I had no idea you’d be here” Adam quickly offered her his hand for a handshake and Starikov soon grabbed his hand firmly. “Thank you for what you do for this city. I am a big fan.”

“This is an experiment that can help us improve, to be better. So yes, that’s kind of what I stand for. Hope for all. And since you’re going to help us, I think you’re the real hero this city needs.”

Lena understood that Starikov was just trying to give her experiments more credibility. It would certainly ease Adam’s worries, so she could work with that perfectly.

“Lay down over there, Adam.” Lena waited for him to get in the bed and give her his arm. “I’m going to put the IV in, ok?”

The boy breathed and squeezed his eyes shut when he felt the needle touch his skin. It was fast and also bearable, but it hurt a little bit like it always does.

“You’re not allowed to leave this room until late night. We will be watching everything from a far and I might talk to you through this speakers right here” Lena pointed at the corners of the roof. “You see? If I need a certain action from you, I’ll let you know and you do it.”

“Ok, boss.”

“Feel like home. The dark substance you see there is the synthesized product. You need to promise me that if something feels wrong, you’ll tell me and I’ll do my best to stop it.”

“Sure.”

“I don’t want you to suffer or do something—“

“Lena. I trust you, ok? I really want to do this.”

Lena sighed and shook his hand.

“Get comfortable. The formula will feel like it’s done nothing for the first thirty minutes until gradually getting stronger. I want to let your body get ready.”

“Ok, Dr. L. I’m ready.”

Lena walked towards the door and when she turned back she saw the black liquid slowly coming down. She got out and closed the door, watching everything with Starikov from the special window she had designed.

When the entire formula entered his body, Adam closed his eyes for a bit before giving Lena a thumbs up that calmed her entire body. Starikov spoke:

“Ok, so assimilation has a check. He seemed fine.”

“He is fine, I know it.”

“So what happens now?”

She held Starikov’s hand tightly

“We wait, Starikov. 30 minutes while the Harun-El works its magic.” Lena massaged her own shoulderto relieve some of the stress of the experiment while keeping her eyes on the boy before remembering something “Actually, wait. I need you to come over here.”

“But Adam?”

“There are cameras recording. I just need to show you something.”

Starikov was following Lena through her lab. She was truly fascinating when she was on her element.

“There it is!”

Lena mentioned before crouching and opening a little case. Starikov could feel it on her bones. There was something wrong with that.

“Is that— Is it Kryptonite?”

Lena looked straight into her eyes and showed her the tiny case with the substance.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

The brunette grabbed Starikov by the hand and guided her to the table where they had rebuilt the Lexosuit, asking her to sit down.

“When Kryptonite was all over the air and your sister almost died, I made her a suit. Remember that story?”

Starikov rolled her eyes at the comment.

“Yes. I know.”

“Good. There was a problem though. We didn’t know how to clear the air and her suit meant indefinite confinement. Something that would mean that Supergirl wouldn’t be able to help the city.”

“I’m following.”

Lena glanced at Adam and when she checked that he was doing fine, she turned back at Starikov.

“Well. There were two options. One, we cleared the air and take her out of the suit. But, I had to be ready for option number two, the one where we can’t clear the air.” Lena took a dramatic pause before continuing. She loved the look on Starikov’s face every time she teased her with a science secret. “If that happened, then I guess that we would have to make Supergirl immune to the toxic air.”

“No way.” Starikov jumped out of the table “Is that—?”

“Well, human vaccines do have a tiny bit of the disease for us to build the antibodies necessary to defeat it.” Lena looked when Starikov’s hand went straight for the little case, but she was quick to move it before she grabbed it. “Hold on, hold on. I have never tried it. It might not work.” She shrugged “It was made for Kara but, as you know, we didn’t need it.”

“I don’t care. I trust you. I trust your brain.”

“You do?” Lena brightly smiled “There is still the possibility it won’t work. I didn’t actually remember I had this until I saw you this morning.” The brunette caressed Starikov’s neck and shoulders “The encounter you had with Kryptonite wasn’t serious, but it could have been worse.”

Starikov hugged Lena to reassure her she was fine

“I’m ok. Nothing happened.”

“But it could have! I can’t fly or fight side by side with you, but I can try to protect you minimizing the danger you can encounter. I want to help you.”

“You’re already helping me. And now you’re trying to adapt my body so I’m safe from the only thing that can kill me? Can you be more perfect? I’m all yours. Bring the science, come on.”

Lena laughed taking the syringe out of the case and filling it with the substance she had worked on for so many weeks since Kara told her how much it hurt. She cursed herself for thinking about her so she looked at Starikov and her bright eyes filled with excitement. Starikov could see the tip of the syringe shining green because of the Kryptonite Lena had to use to break her skin.

“So, miss Starikov” Lena got closer to her arm “I hope you aren’t afraid of needles.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? I promise I read them all and they inspire me to keep on writing :) Hope you liked it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy :)

“Where to, Alex?”

 “Down the 6th Avenue. Near Wallwood Park.”

“On it.”

Kara grunted annoyingly and started to fly as fast as she could towards the place. Alex must have sensed her bad humor because she immediately responded with an apologetic voice.

“Look, I know you’re not in your best mood and-“

Kara interrupted her, not wanting to hear more of it.

“Cut it out, Alex.”

“No. Listen to me. I’m sorry. I know you asked for a free week to clear your mind. But I need your help. After this, the DEO will handle it. You can go back to rest, you need it. You deserve it.”

Kara felt her blood boiling up and just muttered a stern _“fine”_ while she closed her fists angrily. She didn’t want to be rude to Alex. None of it was her fault and, as a big sister, she was concerned and was trying to do as much as she could to try to help and understand Kara. To be near her in these “difficult times”, like Alex said, but the problem specifically relied on the fact that Kara didn’t want anyone near her, didn’t want anyone prying on her situation and trying to help her. Kara wanted to be left alone.

That’s exactly why she had asked for a week of vacations. She had never stopped her Supergirl duties before so she assumed National City would be fine with a 3-day notice that she’d be taking the week off. But, as always, things never happened the way she intended. It was almost like a curse.

Catco hadn’t cared. Of course, James had a suspicious look when Kara asked him to notify Lena about her request. She knew he thought it was weird having her reporting to him when, most of the time, Lena was the one to notify him about anything Kara was supposed to do. Kara had the bad habit of always reporting to her best friend and not to her immediate boss, who was James, but, although it bothered him the first few times, he had just gotten used to. The relationship between the two women was too close and complex for him to try to change something, so he just laid back and reminded Kara to do her job as she was used to do.

He had told her Lena had responded with just an _ok._ More than Kara was hoping for. More than Kara deserved.

She shook her head to let her thoughts wander somewhere else while she flew. The soft breeze caressed her skin and the moon lit up the streets. She loved nights like this one. Especially when she didn’t need to beat up an alien at 11 pm. Why would an alien steal an old man’s convenience store when everything was so tense between humans and aliens? The logic was beyond her. It seemed so stupid. Just adding fuel for people to be upset with her kind. She felt detached.  Since the fight with Lena, Kara Danvers no longer represented her, but, at the same time, she felt more and more away from Kara Zor-El each day that passed.

Kara landed loudly and used her super speed to get to the woman. She had her face covered but, she had open up the locked door with her bare hands and that had given her away. Alien. The woman didn’t have time to leave when Kara already had her arms locked behind her back.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I-I didn’t know you’d come.” Kara could hear the woman sobbing “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I expected the police only… not you, I didn’t mean— I—”

“Shouldn’t have used your powers if you didn’t want to see me.” Kara responded harshly interrupting the woman and tightening her grip with disgust, before handing her to Alex, who had just arrived.

“Nice job, Supergirl.” She patted Kara’s back.

“I’m going to talk to the owner.” She rolled her eyes when she saw the woman being taken away “It should be the police’s work, Alex. Now we’re chasing aliens with DEO weaponry because they’ve decided to start robbing. How fun. “

Alex just shrugged her shoulders and spoke quietly

“I’ll meet you in the DEO.”

Kara nodded and went towards the man. He was bruised and had a little cut on his forehead, which one of the agents was beginning to take care of. At least, he wasn’t yelling at her and throwing horrible names at her face like some did. He seemed respectful.

“Hello, are you ok?”

The man smiled politely and nodded.

“Sorry to bother your busy schedule, Supergirl.”

Kara faintly smiled

“It is my job, sir. I’m sorry this happened to you. I can assure you, not all aliens are like this one.”

“Oh, I know” The man started talking “My wife Nadia was in the first plane you saved. I could never hate aliens or think badly of them when I can see you doing everything in your power to help people like us.”

“I have to repay this planet for taking me when I didn’t have a home. That’s my duty, sir.”  Kara looked around and saw all the mess the woman had caused and cleaned everything in seconds. “I’m really sorry about all the glasses and the door. I wish I could fix it.”

“That’s ok. I’m alive. A little effort and I will have everything back in its place.” The guy took one chocolate bar and put it on Kara’s hand “Thank you, I won’t take more of your time.”

Kara shook his hand and started flying. At least she had a reward for being forced to work on her free week. A small yelp got caught in her throat when saw L-Corp on her way to the DEO. She fought the urge to go there and see if Lena was in her office, the moment she saw that her lights were on.

She would never change. Sleeping was overrated when you were Lena Luthor and had a multibillion dollar company on your command or, at least, that’s what she always said. _Could she be thinking of me this late at night like I’m thinking of her?_ Kara thought sadly, although she knew the answer was no.

Lena. Her Lena. She felt a tear escape her eye and wet her cheek, a reminder that, no matter how much she wanted to disappear, she was still here. She still had feelings. Feelings that refused to die even though she had no place in Lena’s life again. She remembered her last patrol. The last one she did near Lena’s penthouse. The one where she swore to herself she’d never seek Lena again, not when she finally seemed happy.

 

Alex had immediately gotten up that night when she heard someone entering her living room . She was quick and had grabbed her gun, ready to shoot whoever had entered her home, but within seconds she felt the heavy weight of a Kryptonian mess landing on top of her. Sobbing uncontrollably, wetting her night shirt with her tears.

Kara remembered how much it reminded her of Midvale, when she used to crawl into Alex’s bed when thunders made their appearance on a rainy night and caused her the sensory-overload she so hated, where she felt her brain would explode. Although, this time, there were no thunders and the only overload she felt on her body was infinite sadness that left no space for anything else. Kara had felt Alex’s hand caressing her hair and holding her tight, like she was a baby again and she was shushing her softly to try to stop her desperate cries.

“Oh Kara, what happened?” Alex strengthened her grip on her baby sister “I can’t stand seeing you like this”

Alex didn’t care it was almost 5 am. Alex wasn’t angry because Kara had woken her up like this. Alex was worried. Kara had seemed better, she was getting her life together again after her problem with Lena. She was more isolated but she was making it.

“Le— Lena. I saw her.”

“What did she say?”

“She didn’t— I saw her.” Kara started and curled like a little girl, holding her legs in her arms and crying her heart out. “I lost her, Alex. I really did.”

Alex didn’t know what to say, so she just muttered little _I love you’s,_ while cuddling her sister. She hoped the blonde would fall asleep and they could talk more calmly when the sun appeared on the sky, she made a mental note about calling J’onn and taking the day off, but Kara seemed to not want to sleep. She continued talking while trying to recover her breath and keep it steady.

“She was happy, Alex. Laughing, while I’m here being miserable. But she deserves it, you know? She deserves the world but—“ Kara swallowed and her voice broke “I hoped I could be the one. Not anyone else.”

“What happened?”

“They kissed.” Kara sighed “There was a blonde woman with her. Holding her hands and I could see Lena so happy. I didn’t see the other girl’s face, but she also seemed happy. They kissed and I just couldn’t— I—“

“Shhh. It’s okay, Kara. Calm down, please.” Alex kissed Kara’s head and started soothing her, caressing her arm from her shoulder to her wrist, like she used to do when they were young.

“She’s gone. She’s gone”

 

 She had stopped patrolling near her area to avoid seeing her again with her new girlfriend. She kept thinking of reasons why she should go and confront her. Perhaps tell her that it was dangerous for two women to walk alone down the street at 4 am and beat her new partner for making Lena go through that risk.

Maybe she could go down there and remind her that she should always use a coat when it was that late because, knowing how little effort Lena did to take care of her health, she was prone to get sick easily. Then she could hit the other woman for letting Lena walk home without something to protect her from the cold.

She tried to draw her companion’s face in her mind. How did she look like? Was she pretty? Was she happy? How could she not? She was privileged enough to walk hand in hand with Lena. She probably was ecstatic, she probably went to bed with Lena every night and got to wake up next to her. Kara had done that in the past, when Lena used to stay in her apartment for a movie night, although she didn’t have rights to kiss her like she wanted to. Sometimes Kara watched her sleep before falling asleep herself. It was silly, but those were Lena’s most peaceful moments. The only ones where she didn’t worry about anything and Kara enjoyed watching her finally be at ease with herself.

Did her new girlfriend cherish those moments? She thought about giving her the shovel talk and punching her if she found out she didn’t value Lena.

Kara exhaled while trying to control her tears before getting to the DEO.

She felt guilty for thinking about hurting the person who seemed to be Lena’s source of happiness. What right did she have to destroy her life and hurt her again? She was envious and jealous of not being able to be on that girl’s place. She was hurt because of the knowledge that all chances to get Lena back were inexistent.

When she got there, the DEO agents greeted her politely before J’onn went towards her and pulled her by the arm.

“We need to talk.” His tone was severe and it seemed like he was angry.

“What happened, J’onn?” Kara was surprised that the Martian had taken her to an empty room by the arm like that. He had never touched her that way and he had never seen J’onn like this.

“What’s going on with you, Kara?” He crossed his arms in front of him facing Kara. She felt intimidated by him but she refused to tell him anything, not wanting to go thought the stupid story again.

“Nothing.”

“Alex’s thoughts have been pretty loud lately. I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but it is almost impossible not to, Kara.”  The Kryptonian was ready to answer but J’onn didn’t let her “I don’t want you to tell me about your problems. But you can’t let them interfere with your job.” He started walking “Now, I know you asked for a week off and I congratulate you for taking care of yourself. I know you should be at home resting, but, you have to know that if we hadn’t needed you all day today, we wouldn’t have bothered you.”

“I know, but—“

“I understand that you’re going through a difficult time, but that doesn’t mean you can act poorly while on Supergirl duty.”

“What do you mean? I’ve done—“

“Bruises, Kara. The robber told our agents about some bruises that you left on her arm because of the hold you had on her. They brought me the news along with a few complaints of their own.”

Kara lowered her face

“Showing up late. Ignoring requests. Mistreating them or plainly ignoring them.” J’onn grabbed Kara’s shoulder “Don’t think they do it because they’re evil. We are worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“No” J’onn grunted “No, you’re not.” He took a step back before adding “You will go to the lady’s cell and apologize to her on behalf of the entire agency.”

“Ok”

Kara said quietly and turned her heels to go to the cells.

“And Kara.”

“Yes?”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

Kara continued to walk down the halls of the building she knew like the palm of her hand. She had learned so much inside these walls, this had been her second home for quite a long time. She felt useful when she was here with people that were trustworthy enough for her not to need to hide from them.

When she got to the cells, it wasn’t hard finding the newest resident. She could clearly see the bruises J’onn was talking about.

“Well, look who’s here! The woman of the hour.”

Kara opened the door with an apologetic look and closed it behind her.

“I didn’t know I had done that to you.” Kara looked up at her face “I apologize.”

“I don’t take your apologies.”

“Look, I really am sorry. I was so tired and it had been like the 20th call of the day for a robbery. I didn’t measure my strength but I should have.” Kara whispered before muttering to herself “Sometimes I forget some aliens are not as strong as Kryptonians.”

“Well, I’m sorry but I don’t take your apologies.”

“Really? You go and rob an innocent man but I’m the one that’s bad and doesn’t deserve forgiveness? How brave. You’re a criminal.”

“Huh, _criminal._ I like that word. But you know what word I like the most, Supergirl?” The woman stood up strongly in front of her “Privilege.”

“What?”

“Why do I have to stay here being hated by most humans, while you and your cousin fly around getting praise for merely existing? Aren’t we equals, Supergirl?” Kara shifted uncomfortably while listening to the woman “Why did those masked men kick me out of my house for being _alien scum_ and you get to live your double-life perfectly, without people trying to kill you or hurt you because of who you are?”

“Look, that’s not my fault. I—“

“Tell me. Why am I a criminal for robbing once when I was trying to feed myself and people like Morgan Edge are called heroes for stealing from other people to maintain his company? He gets to walk freely and I don’t. Why? Is because he’s a man, because he’s human or because he’s rich?”

“You committed a mistake and I did too, it happens some—“

“Or Lena Luthor.”

Kara held her breath when she heard her name and the woman noticed.

“Oh, does it bother you because she’s “your friend”?” The woman inquired “Well, being an inside source, tell me why are people praising that capitalistic bastard who makes profit out of our situation? She settles one pocket with humans while giving them an alien detection device” The girl laughed dryly “And then she settles her other pocket with aliens giving them an image inducer. Clever, right?”

Kara was getting pissed off.

“Stop.”

“I won’t stop. Not until I get out of here. Why does she have the privilege to live freely while sitting inside a company responsible for the death of thousands?” The alien raised her voice “She’s an asshole, a criminal, a Luthor that’s just waiting for the perfect chance to finally live up to her name”

Kara had never felt this chaotic impulse before, without Red Kryptonite in her system. The urge to knock the lights out of this person for talking about Lena like that, so she didn’t hesitate to throw a punch straight to her face while screaming

“Why do you talk like you know her, huh!?”

The woman defended herself this time punching Kara in the arm, but Supergirl was fast enough to respond with a blow to her stomach. Kara saw the dishevelled blonde hair of the woman, that reminded her so much of another woman she had seen not so long ago holding the hands of the person she loved the most.

Kara didn’t know if her rage outburst was because of the words or because of the memories this woman was igniting, but she just wanted to let it all out.

“Why do you take away what’s not yours!?” She landed a fist on her hip “Why do you rob people what they worked so hard to get!?”

Kara continued her movements without realizing the woman was no longer defending herself.

“SUPERGIRL!”

Kara snapped back to reality and turned her head to see her sister, seconds before she felt her strong arms pinning her against the wall. She looked down on the woman who seemed to be passed out, but she was relieved that she could still hear her breathing. Alex’s eyes were teary but had so much anger and sadness in them that Kara just realized what she had done.

Kara felt tears flowing freely that were burning her skin while they fell. She was disgusted with herself.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Alex. Let me go, please.”

Kara felt Alex yanking her by the suit, while she was zoning out. She heard footsteps approaching quickly and going straight towards the prisoner, who was just regaining consciousness and was looking frantically all over the place trying to understand what had happened.

When she felt her muscles aching a little bit, she knew Alex was taking her to the Red Lamp room to weaken her powers. Kara could hear people shouting on the distance, but she felt like she was fading away after that episode.

“What is wrong with you, Kara Danvers?” She heard her sister say. She felt her rage concentrating again, but this time, everything was aiming at herself. She hated herself. She hated what she had become. Or was this the person she always had been and was too afraid to let out?

She suddenly felt the weight of the world on her shoulders and she couldn’t breathe properly. She could’ve murdered that woman. She could’ve hurt her sister. She could’ve done something that would haunt her for the rest of her life.

She felt her stomach twisting like she was about to throw up. What a mess, Kara Zor-El. What a piece of trash you are. She felt it at the tip of her toes, the burning sensation that started going up with a steady rhythm throughout her body, threatening to make her explode when she heard Alex scream again.

“You almost killed her!”

That triggered her and tipped her over the edge. The feeling of burn so strong that she needed to drain everything that was consuming her like she had never done before. Her eyes felt like they were going to melt from the heat and when she opened her mouth to scream while shooting her heat vision with all her power to a side of the room, she surprised herself when she couldn’t hear the noises she was making.

She felt her throat getting soar so she knew she was screaming but her mind just repeated Alex’s words on a loop while she felt herself wearing out her powers, her body and her soul. All at the same time.

You almost killed her.

You almost killed her.

You almost killed her.

You _almost_ killed her.

Alex’s voice distorted and was now a little lower. With a distinctive accent. The sentence changing a little bit:

_You killed her._

She saw Lena’s face in her apartment and remembered the words she had forgotten, when she was too busy trying to settle the fact that Lena had declared she hated her. She kept hearing her voice on a loop.

You’re a murderer. You killed her.

You’re a murderer. You killed her.

Kara felt like she was going to die. She smiled with the sick thought that, even though Lena was telling her what she deserved, she was still hearing her voice. She could, at least, see her green eyes one very last time before embracing the darkness that was waiting for her.

-

At exactly 1:30 am, Lena Luthor woke up when she heard a loud thud in her bedroom. She instinctively reached out for Starikov to wake her up in case she needed her help to fight intruders, but, when her hand touched a still-warm sheet because of the person that used to be laying there, she rapidly got up and ran to the other side.

“Starikov?!”

The blonde was completely out and her nose was bleeding. Lena could still hear her slow breathing, so she knew she was alive but, for how long? Lena tried to make her sit and kept her head up supporting her with her chest, while she held her body and shook her, trying to wake her up.

Could Kryptonians seizure or pass out? They were supposed to be invincible. Kara had never told her what to do. Starikov was going to die in her arms, she was certain. But she couldn’t call anyone. She couldn’t carry her anywhere. She started crying out of fear. She cursed being so weak. So human. So useless.

 “Please, wake up.” Her tears were wetting the blonde’s face “Please, I need you here.”

She took the hair out of Starikov’s face

“We’re so close. Come on, don’t leave me now that we almost have everything ready for your mother” Lena felt Starikov shifting slowly in her arms, about 10 minutes from her fall. _Yes_. Lena thought.

“Don’t you want to see her again healthy? Come on. Up, up.”

Starikov slowly opened her eyes but it looked like she was using all her strength to try to do so. She seemed to regain her energy all of a sudden and looked up scared.

“L-Lena?”

“Yes. I’m here with you. I’m here.”

The brunette held her tight to try to calm her down, while kissing the top of her head.

“Lena.”

Starikov held her hands strongly before breathing regularly again.

“It’s ok, darling. I’m not going anywhere.”

-

When her sister moved her feet faintly, Alex looked up to the room’s clock and checked it was 1:45 am. 15 minutes since Kara had passed out flatly.  Alex sighed relieved with the first signs of Kara waking up. She had never seen her little sister like this. Her eyes were bleeding, her nose was bleeding, her knees had given up on her and she had just fell on her back like she was dead. If she ever needed to share with the world what was the scariest experience in her life, she could safely say that watching Kara lose control like this and looking almost dead, definitely took the first place.

Kara tried to open her eyes but still felt too weak to do so. Her body was slowly recovering and she felt how her energy started coming back again, along with her powers. She felt someone help her torso up and hug her tightly while holding her head so strongly, she was forced to just put her cheek on said person’s shoulder.

She smiled briefly, remembering the last thought she had before blacking out and shot her opportunity, wishing that, whatever had happened, had taken her to the place she wanted to be in.

“Lena?”

“It’s Alex, Kara.”

“Oh, Alex.” She started crying again. This time, quietly. Soft whimpers escaped her while she hugged her sister and kept her near her “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just—“

“Shhh. Don’t worry Kara. You’re fine and that’s what matters.”

“And the—?”

“She’s also fine. J’onn erased quite a few memories today though.”

“This wasn’t me, Alex. My body felt… I needed to let everything out of me. I was boiling up.”

“That’s why you need to drain and accept when the people that love you try to help you, Kara.” She teared up a little bit “I can help you carry whatever weighs you down. I’m your sister.” She showered the blonde’s hair with tiny kisses and held her cheeks “Your big sister who will always look after you. I thought you were dead for a second.”

 _Death._ She could still go back to the sensation of fading to black with Lena’s voice on a loop in her mind. A little focus was all she needed.

“Alex?”

“Huh?”

“You wouldn’t hide things from me just because you’re my sister, right?”

Alex stopped hugging her and held her hand tightly, while looking at her straight in the eyes.

“Of course not, Kara.”

“Alex. Have I— Have I killed?”

“I just told you that woman is fine.”

Lena’s insistent voice kept playing on her mind, bringing her back to the last moment they saw each other’s faces. She had locked down everything but Lena’s I love you and I hate you. The only two things that seemed important in that moment, but the _killing_ part was now refusing to leave her brain. Why had Lena said it? What had she done?

“Alex. Have I _ever_ killed?”

“Kara, no. I have never seen you— You’re not a murderer.”

Kara frowned and stood up.

“Not me, as me, but— what about Red K?”

“What?”

“I broke your arm without remorse. Did I kill anyone?”

“No. I don’t think— I don’t remember. No.”

Kara started walking throughout the room while talking to herself “I remember correctly. She said it. She said— she wouldn’t lie. She’s not a liar. She wouldn’t accuse me of something I didn’t do, right? Alex doesn’t remember, but—”

“Kara. You’re scaring me. First, you almost die and now you ask— What kind of sick joke is this? Stop.”

“But she wouldn’t lie. If she said it, it is because she truly believes it.” Kara was talking loudly this time, her rambles noticed by Alex “She knows it. Or no. Maybe she think she knows it. But how did she get the information?”

“Who’s she? Who knows what?” Alex followed her all over the room “Kara, speak up. Is it Lena? What lies?”

“Alex. Are you sure?”

“You wouldn’t kill anyone, you _haven’t_ killed anyone and you won’t do it ever.” Alex’s eyes had grown wide and her lips were trembling.

“So you’re not lying.” Kara stopped walking “But I’m sure she’s not lying either. We—“

Kara turned back quickly to face her sister.

“Alex.”

“Yes?”

The brunette returned the same worried look

“I need to talk to Lena.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potstickers with the shape of comments for this humble server?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I need to clear some things up before you pick up this chapter and read it. First of all, sorry for taking almost a month, I've been really busy and this chapter was crucial for me... lots of things going on and lots of angst as well. That's why it's almost 10k long, and I hope you enjoy it and don't mind it's that long. I put great effort into it.
> 
> Second of all, this chapter has some nice things and yes, it has the Supercorp confrontation you were all waiting for, but, besides that, it's dark. At least it was for me. Lena will go through some stuff at the end of the chapter but I felt it necessary to go on with this specific story. It says a lot about Starikov's nature and relationship with power and about Lena's tribulation. I tried to not make anything too explicit and you know shit will go down because i made the start of it pretty obvious, but although it isn't violent or explicit, i still refuse to make anyone uncomfortable or upset. 
> 
> So trigger warning for this specific chapter, it involves non consensual sex. Feel free to read it and skip that part. 
> 
> This is an emotional ride.

“You’ll get it right next time, Lena. Don’t worry too much, I am fine.”

Lena felt Starikov’s strong hand gripping her shoulder.

“I won’t try again. There’s no next time, Starikov.”

“But—“

“No. I saw you bleeding down your nose. You were completely gone.” Lena took Starikov’s hands into her own  “Yet, you convinced me to expose you to Kryptonite again today and mere seconds passed before you fell to your knees and started screaming in pain. I should’ve listened to myself.” Lena hardened her features hoping she’d look menacing, the same way the old men from the board rooms told her she looked when she didn’t want to negotiate “I won’t risk it again. I won’t risk you.”

“So you have the chance to save me from almost anything but you refuse to try again because of what? Side effects?”

“Side effects? I could’ve killed you!” She crossed her arms while speaking and thanked God she was wearing heels that made her look as tall as her counterpart “Then what, huh? The Kryptonian I’m doing this for dies and I manage to create a serum that would’ve protected her from Kryptonite. Sorry, I rather think that it is impossible to create said serum and not try again.”  

“Fine.”

“I knew you were smart.”

“I need to go.”

“You’ll be back for Adam, right?”

“Yes. I’ll be here.”

“Take care.”

Starikov rolled her eyes and smiled before stepping out of Lena’s apartment.

“Sure thing”

Lena saw her blonde hair disappear and just sighed after she left. She never thought she’d find someone more stubborn that she already was but, as always, life had many ways to prove her wrong. She opened her laptop to go through her files, while she was waiting for the coffee to brew before heading to L-Corp.

STAR and Project ADAM were taking almost all of her space, but these probably were her biggest projects since she started running her company. She remembered when she opposed to Jack’s idea of experimenting on himself to prove the nanobots, so opposed she had broken up with what she believed to be the best man she’d ever been with. Now, she was the one experimenting in not one, but two people at the same time. Ironic.

She compared both pictures and smiled because of how different they were. The word that stood out the most in one document was Kryptonian, the other one just said Cancer.

Adam was sick and he’d agreed to all the terms presented to him. Lena felt nothing but respect for the kid, he reminded her of herself when she was his age. Strong minded, opinionated, willing to sacrifice everything except what they believed in. He knew the risks but, if he died being helpful to society and, in the process, there was a slight chance he could heal, he would be happy to do it. That’s what he had told her, over and over again. Long before Starikov arrived and Kara had gone.  Of course she was extra careful and minimized every danger as much as she could to prevent something bad from happening but it was like playing Russian Roulette. There were more probabilities to be safe from that one bullet waiting to come out, but, even if you did, the bullet would still be waiting for another shot. She had already internalized Adam dying was a possibility, he had as well.

Starikov, on the other hand, was a different story. Lena knew how much Starikov wanted to be free from Kryptonite, Lena also silently recognized that her ego was yelling at her to keep trying, but why would she endanger a healthy being to try, without any proof of success, to save her from one substance that’s not even native to Earth? It was immoral and she couldn’t bear sentencing Starikov to death just to satisfy her ego and the blonde’s eagerness to be safe from the green rock.

She gathered everything and called her driver. Today would be an important one.

The ride to L-Corp was longer that she expected. Traffic was worse than usual but surprisingly she wasn’t mad. Lena had never been the kind of person that freaked out and got nervous, but that feeling of uneasiness hadn’t left her the entire morning. She wasn’t completely sure why she felt this way, she had done multiple experiments in the past that hadn’t been as intensively researched as this one, but perhaps the importance and the implications this experiment could have for people were the reasons behind the tight knot in her belly, the same one she had when she was sitting in the court room while Lex was being interrogated. She felt like she was on trial.

She had texted Eve to get her a double espresso and have it on her desk when she arrived, she really needed caffeine again so when she opened the doors to her office and saw the cup waiting for her, she triumphantly smiled, before grabbing it and giving a long sip. She took out her phone while looking out the glass door through the balcony. It really gave her an amazing view of National City.

It was almost like she was on top of the world, she wondered if this was what Starikov and Kara saw when they flew. Tiny humans looking like ants trying to live their lives, cars going fast in every direction. Lena always liked to try to guess where people were going. To visit their parents? In their way to a funeral? Speeding to see their partners give birth to a baby?

Her problems always seemed small when she was this high. It made her realize how tiny everyone, including her, was in this big world. Lena took out her phone and opened her contact list looking for Adam Johnston. She knew Eve could and surely had handled everything already, but she wanted this experiment to be a tad more personal. She wanted Adam to feel safe and to let him know she was there with him, as excited as he was. To let him know that if he wanted out, he could just tell her and she’d stop, no questions asked.  She felt really strongly about the kid, she thought he was the embodiment of what a true superhero should be like.

She decided against the phone call and opened her email account to start writing one for Adam with the reminder for today. It still was personal, since she wasn’t using the generic L-Corp account, but her personal CEO account, and it wasn’t as invasive as a call would have been. She was almost done when she heard a knock on her door.

“Miss Luthor?”

Lena looked behind her and saw Eve at the door with all the folders for the day.

“Eve, good morning! Come on in.”

Eve entered the office and started arranging everything for Lena.

“Did you email Mr. Johnston about the day?”

“Yes, miss Luthor. He confirmed his assistance and he’ll be arriving at 2 pm. I specifically cleared your morning, as you asked me, so you could make all the preparations needed.” She handed Lena a piece of paper looking hesitant “Here’s your schedule.”

Lena absentmindedly grabbed the paper and, after sending the email to Adam expressing that she’d be waiting for him, she looked at it. Her time on the lab was highlighted in green as usual but a thin line highlighted in blue took her attention. That’s the color she had chosen to identify the free time she had once in a while. When Kara had started coming, dashes of blue always painted her day, showing the times when Kara would arrive and this thin line looking back at her was suspiciously highlighting noon.

“Since when do you clear my day for an hour so I can have lunch, Eve? Mostly I just eat a snack while working and you know it.”

The hesitant look on Eve’s face hadn’t left her and she frowned her brow while chewing on her lip. She seemed a little scared.

“About that…”

Lena put the paper on the table

“The answer is no. I’m surprised you’d actually spare time for...”

Eve immediately jumped in

“No. Miss Luthor, I told her I’d ask you first and since you had no one to meet up with today, I thought I could just separate an hour in case you’d say yes.” Lena looked at her with annoyance and Eve seemed more worried by the second “I’m sorry I even tried miss Luthor, nevermind, I’ll tell her you said no. I just.—“  Eve swallowed and gasped out quickly “Miss Danvers has been good to me and I thought I could try do her a favour.”

“I’m not mad at you, Eve.” Lena tried to look as calm and non-threatening as possible although she was just cursing Kara’s name on her mind “I know you’d never tell her _yes_ behind my back. But still, I’m not interested in meeting Kara Danvers until I explicitly tell you to. So I’d appreciate you tell her that if she ever insists.”

“Of course. No problem.”

Lena distracted herself for a little while after watching Eve leave. She was shuffling the little device Kara had given her when she had last seen her. It seemed like a pager, but this one only had one button on the center. Lena grazed her thumb on it. A little pressure and, according to Kara, she’d be right there next to her in seconds, because it meant that Lena needed her help. Could she trust her about that or was it another one of her schemes?

 She didn’t want to be hopeful that Kara, even after all she’d done, actually cared about her in her own wicked way. She didn’t want to think that, for Kara, lying and doing all that horrible stuff meant keeping her safe somehow. She wanted to think she gave her the device out of remorse and guilt, but that still made Lena angry. It didn’t fit her persona, the one Lena had recently discovered, so what she really wanted to believe is that Kara was a ruthless woman without shame or remorse that was really good at pretending. She had managed to trick her for years.

She didn’t want to feel worried about Kara. She shouldn’t be, but after months without contact, what could Kara possibly want with her? It was true that she didn’t want anything to do with the blonde, her pride wouldn’t let her, her respect towards Starikov couldn’t let her be friends with the woman that could have killed her by throwing her into space all those years ago, but, at the same time, she was curious. Nervously curious.

Kara had respected her boundaries. She had never tried to reach to her after that hideous evening and, even after figuring out the truth, she was still hurt that Kara had stopped looking for her instantly. She didn’t want to deal with Kara but her selfish self wanted Kara to look for her and show a tiny bit of interest. To confess and beg for forgiveness. To turn back time and never find out anything and have her best friend back. The woman she hadn’t stop loving back.

Lena felt a rush of wind behind her and some strong steps.

“Really? You get your assistant to call me because you can’t bother to do it yourself?’”

Lena rolled her eyes before turning her chair and facing Kara. Did she have some sort of psychic powers to make her appear after thinking of her for at least an hour?

“Hello, Kara.” Lena got up and went to her mini bar “Feel free to leave.”

“Don’t be petty, Lena. We both know you’re not like that.”

“We?” Lena scoffed incredulously “I know absolutely nothing. I never did. So what do I know about you or me?”

“You knew me.” Kara looked at her sternly “You _know_ me.”

Lena swallowed the strong liquid at once.

“Oh Kara, but I don’t.” She crossed her arms “ _I won’t bother to drop in on you._ ” Lena mimicked her with disdain “Live up to your words and leave.”

“I’ve been nothing but respectful towards you these past months.”  Kara paced slowly towards Lena “I even made a stupid appointment to ask to see you when I could appear like I just did, because I promised to respect your wishes and your happiness.” Kara didn’t want to look menacing, she didn’t want to make Lena uncomfortable but she winced when she saw Lena take a step back “Lena, I wouldn’t bother you if I didn’t really need to talk to you.”

“What you think you need is not above what I need, Kara. Can you understand that?” Lena straightened her back and took some hair out of her face “We could have saved ourselves a nasty fight if you had bothered to comprehend that and know that I needed honesty, not protection.”

“I already said I’m sorry.”

“And I said I don’t care, but what I do care about is watching you leave because I have nothing to talk to you.”

“But I do.”

“I’m going to call security on you, Kara. Do you want that or would you rather leave politely?”

 “You wouldn’t do that.”

Lena raised a challenging eyebrow and moved her hand as fast as she could to her office phone, but a strong grip prevented her and stopped her on her tracks.

“Get your hands off me. Now!”

“No. You’ll call security.”

“Danvers.” Kara smirked and let out a silent little laugh at the way Lena pronounced her last name. It was silly that Lena was trying to fight her back. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Or what?

“Wh— what do you mean by what?” Kara could see Lena was offended and also frustrated that her efforts of freeing herself were rather useless “Let me go!”

“If I let you go, will we talk?”

“No!”

“Then I can´t do that.”

Lena stopped fighting and faced Kara. She had never seen Lena like this, squared jaw, exuding all this power and strength, even when she was trapped. Her eyes were staring boldly at her, they were as green as she remembered but the soulless void that stared back at her all those nights ago out of sadness, was now sparkling with rage. Her eyes were bright and Kara couldn’t help but be mesmerized and let her own vision become blurry with the tears that were threatening to spill.

“I won’t talk to you. Period.” Kara stopped a sigh midthroat, startled by Lena’s low voice taking her out of her mind’s labyrinth “What are you going to do about that, huh? Kidnap me?”

The blonde looked straight into her hands gripping Lena’s wrist and gave the brunette a conceited smile before recognizing the alert in Lena’s eyes.

“Kara, no.”

Lena barely had time to react when she felt herself in the air, wrapped by two strong arms while being taken out of her office. She wasn’t screaming. She wanted to, but the air in her lungs was long gone. Her arms had immediately gone towards Kara’s neck and she was gripping her as tight as she could, knowing that, if Kara was human, she’d be dead by now.

Lena fought against the blood rushing to her cheeks and blushing her face, but she couldn’t help getting flustered with the way Kara was holding her. It wasn’t a bridal carry, she supposed that Kara’s original plan didn’t involve this and that’s why she hadn’t bothered to choose the “right” position. The truth was that Lena was facing Kara, in sort of a diagonal position, her face was on the crook of her neck and her knees were trapped together pushing on Kara’s hipbone while her legs hanged from the side.

It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but she could feel Kara completely and she sheepishly smiled into Kara’s shoulder, hoping she wouldn’t notice, because of the way one of her hands had its fingers on Lena’s scalp, trying to keep her head held tight. Firm but so soft at the same time. The other hand was on the back of Lena’s knees, also in a protective grip. Even with her mind worried about something else, Kara always seemed to want to keep Lena as safe as she could. Lena looked behind Kara and saw the clouds staring back at her, she was hovering above the city and she didn’t feel terrified, she could only focus on the woman that was holding her. 

Kara just wanted to hug Lena. To feel Lena’s heartbeat near her own and for a second she had forgotten the reason she had gone to L-Corp’s boss in the first place. She knew she should have put Lena in a most comfortable position, like she always did, but this time, she just wanted to feel Lena near, so she held her as tight towards her body as she could. Not wanting to ever let her go.

This was as happy as she had been since they parted ways. She suddenly understood Alex. It seemed to her that she was picking up her broken pieces and fixing herself, she had wanted to think she was ok, even when all the passing out episode had proven otherwise but, in this moment, she understood that, even though the brunette hated her, as soon as she saw her eyes and touched her skin and had her close, it seemed like everything had gone back to their original place. It was like she had been fixed entirely in merely seconds. That’s the power Lena had in her.

What was stopping her from flying away and leave everything behind? To take Lena and show her that she was willing to bury Supergirl if it meant having her back in her life? It seemed like nothing could make—

“Kara, put me down!”

Lena had suddenly squirmed in her arms and tightened her grip. Her heart had started to beat faster and she was sweating cold. Kara also strengthened her grip to make Lena feel safe while looking down and seeing what had scared the brunette. She saw the blue ocean beneath her while the waves crashing in the shore made a steady sound.

“You’re going to kill me!”

 _Kill me._ Kara sighed after realizing the reason she couldn’t escape with Lena, the reason she had gone to visit her. _Killing._

Kara slowed down and landed on the abandoned lighthouse near the shore. She put Lena on the ground softly, not taking her hands off her hips until Lena found balance and moved a few inches back.

“What’s wrong with you!?”

“I told you I wanted to talk!”

“So you flew me to the middle of fucking nowhere!?”

Kara cleared her throat and scratched the back of her neck

“I’m sorry, Lena. But, if I hadn’t done it, you wouldn’t have listened to me.”

“I don’t want to listen to you.” Lena snapped and started breathing fast, head hurting because of everything she was feeling “Are you going to lie to my face again? Are your friends here waiting to investigate me? Are you going to kill me here?”

“No, Lena. Stop, please, hear me out.”

Kara was surprised when she felt a fist on her chest trying to push her back and then another. She could sense Lena wasn’t using her entire force on her, she just wanted to let everything go and make her back off “I said—“ Lena kept trying to lash out on her and Kara was unmovable, trying to hold her breath to not let a whimper that would give away the sadness and guilt she felt seeing Lena this broken. “I s-said, I don’t want to listen” She started moving her arms faster and sobbing louder while trying to breathe properly “I don’t, I don’t, I don’t.” Lena cracked and started crying. She moved her hands to Kara’s back and hugged her tight while crying on her chest “ _I don’t”_

Kara felt her tears clouding her eyes and falling freely as she felt Lena falling slowly to her knees while sinking her nails into her cape, pulling her. Lena felt the memories flooding her mind and her anger and love pouring out of her. She wanted to make Kara come back, her Kara.

“I’m so sorry, Lena.”

Lena’s voice was muffled by her tears

“ _No, you’re not.”_

Kara lowered herself until she was in front of Lena, she held her face and looked straight into her eyes.

“I’m sorry I kept my secret from you.” She threaded her fingers in Lena’s hair “I’m sorry for being such an idiot, Lena.”  Kara bit her lip “The thing I regret the most is losing you for hiding myself from you.”

“You should have known better.”

“I should.”

Lena got away from Kara and slowly pulled her legs through the lighthouse’s railing, staring at the sea while trying to stop crying. Kara did the same and quietly stayed next to her. Thinking about what to say, what to do.

“I thought I knew you, Kara. I thought—“  Lena sighed “Nevermind.”

“You keep saying you don’t know me, but you do, Lena. I’ve never been more myself than when I’m with you.” Kara gulped with her words “Look, I know it is hard to believe when you think about the lies I said to prevent you from truly knowing my story, you might be completely sure I betrayed you or something like that. But I had reasons that kept me from telling you and even though that side of me was hidden, I can assure you, I have never pretended to be someone I’m not. Not with you, Lena, I wouldn’t be able to.”

“I can’t believe you.”

Lena frowned and Kara breathed out heavily.

“I can’t force you to trust me but I do trust you with my life. That’s why I brought you here.”

Lena had no intentions of answering so she just waited for Kara to start talking. She encouraged her with a simple nod and eyes filled with expectations.

“I always imagined all the possibilities that could happen when I finally revealed my secret to you. I had planned so many different scenarios, I had scheduled dates for the reveal to happen and I never had the courage to do it.” Kara spoke softly but with determination “I was too busy enjoying your company and not wanting to damage what we had. At the same time, when the DEO gave its approval for me to tell you, there was already a year of friendship between us. Too far down the road for it to be a _little_ secret.”

Kara looked back at the sea, trying to find the right words to make the brunette believe in her.

“I never intentionally stopped myself from telling you because I didn’t trust you, Lena. I was selfish and I was also scared I’d put another target on your back, but I never mistrusted you.” She scoffed and rolled her eyes “It seems stupid telling you this after knowing I willingly sent James to search your vault, but that was fear talking. Not me.”

Kara looked at Lena and saw that she had never stopped looking at her. She seemed intrigued but calmed, not daring any feelings to show in her face.

“I wish I could accurately describe what Kryptonite feels like. It is unexplainable and whenever I encounter it, in any of its forms, I’m never rational.”

Kara started crying quietly and looked down to her hands. She was nervously fiddling her fingers, while trying to control herself. She couldn’t afford to break when she had already broken Lena, she deserved looking at her strong and ready to apologize and explain. This could be the last chance she had.

“I’m a liar. I’m selfish. I’m stupid. And I didn’t need you to tell me that to figure it out.” She stopped playing with her fingers, already wet from the tears falling from her face “But I’m not a monster, Lena.  Well, at least I thought I wasn’t.”

“You _betrayed_ me, Kara.” Lena grimaced “You did other unspeakable things and you truly expect me to believe that you’re not evil?”

“ _Unspeakable._ This is why you’re here. To help me understand.” Kara lightly moved her fingers up and down her own thigh, trying to sooth herself “Not you. To understand myself.”

“How could I do that?”

“I know you, Lena, and I know you’re not a liar. You would never lie to me and you’d never judge me unfairly for something I didn’t do, unless you had reasons to believe I had.” Kara stopped the movement of her hand on her thigh and rested her arms on the railing in front of her “You would never throw things to my face to piss me off if they didn’t have truths in them. That’s why when you said you had loved me and then told me you hated me, I could only think that the woman I love the most had officially walked out of my life to never return. I love you, Lena. So much that—“

“You don’t love me.” Lena murmured quietly.

“I do.” She didn’t move her eyes from Lena’s “I really do and that’s why everything hurt like hell, because I knew your feelings were real. You had truly loved me and you really despised me now.” Kara whimpered “For a while I could only focus on those two statements, love and hate making me forget everything else you had ever said.” Kara dried her tears with the back of her hand before continuing “Then I started thinking about you, all day and everyday and my mind just revolved around you. Obsessed with the last time I had heard you talk to me, your voice was constantly replaying your last words in my head and that’s when I found something strange.”

Lena looked back at the sea and Kara took a deep breath, hoping that whatever answer coming next to what she was about to say, wasn’t as painful as she knew it would be.

“I can understand you calling me a traitor or a liar, Lena. But you called me a killer and I can’t understand why you’d ever call me that. Why would you believe I’m a killer unless you knew something I didn’t?” She grabbed Lena’s hand strongly, so she was forced to look back at her. To see her. “Lena, what did I do? I’ve been having these black outs and these rage outbursts from time to time and I’m scared that I’m keeping things from myself to protect me and my body is trying to tell me something.”

Lena didn’t move her hand away so Kara just focused on those eyes she so loved. Wanting information, trying to decipher the truth hiding in them.

“I don’t remember anything. I don’t see how could I have tried to kill anyone ever and I need your help to cope with myself and understand who I am.

I keep telling myself I haven’t done anything wrong and everyone I’ve asked has reassured me I have never murdered or tried to murder anyone. But, if I hadn’t, then why would you say that? I know you would never lie to me.”

Lena’s heart was aching, because even if Kara was acting, she seemed so sincere and apologetic. She genuinely seemed scared of herself. Was it possible that she had blocked out her memories? That she didn’t remember?

She didn’t remember some things from year 13th year, but she had obviously never killed somebody. She had seen Lex’s madness and how it had taken over his mind, deleting psychotic incidents and thinking everything was fine until paranoia attacked him and he got aggressive again. Could this also be Kara’s case?

“Your— your sister.” Lena stuttered her words, still not completely calm. She was trying to arrange her thoughts so she could properly speak.

“Alex?” Kara looked up at Lena, still crying, but without making a sound. Just tears. “Are you saying she lied to me? Lena, I talked to her. She said I had never tried to hurt her intentionally.”

“Your real sister.”

Kara immediately frowned as soon as the words came out. She looked confused.

 **“** My sister? What? I don’t have a sister **.”**

“You were there, Kara.” Lena raised an eyebrow and started raising up her voice again “The pod was damaged. It couldn’t hold you both, and you— you threw her, Kara. You threw her out to save yourself and never looked for her again. You were 13.”

“I just said I don’t have a sister. What on earth are you talking about!?”

“Could you stop lying!?” Kara was startled with Lena’s scream. She saw her get up and she hurried to do the same. She didn’t want to be sitting down, she needed to face her. Lena thought about Starikov and the Russian girl filled her mind. They had the same eyes, the same face, she knew they had to be twins or at least sisters. Hadn’t Starikov told her that Astra and Alura were also twins? It must have ran in the family.  Kara was lying again and she was getting pissed off again. Couldn’t Kara understand she just needed honesty. “Can’t you be honest for one time in your life?”

 

“I’m not lying, Lena! What is that supposed to mean?” Kara didn’t know what to say. The conversation taking a route she never even imagined happening. Was Lena brainwashed? Had she fell to her head? “Have you ever seen my pod? Do you even know how those work!?”

“No, but, I was told—“

 “Huh, you were told.” Kara crossed her arms and looked at her with disdain “So now we let ourselves get misguided by whom? Whoever? I was told Luthors were maniac murderers and I still wanted to be your friend and swore to protect you. I still loved you. Should I have believed them then? I didn’t because you deserved to be judged by who you are, I couldn’t pretend I knew everything about you… So how— how can you assume you do?”

“Because the same person that told me knew stuff about you. Private information. That person told me that you were Supergirl. More honesty than you ever gave me.”

 _And she also looks exactly like you, Kara._ Lena thought to herself. She wouldn’t betray Starikov like that so she decided to keep that information.

“Honesty!? That person is a liar, Lena.” Kara also started to lose her patience and raised her voice “If they knew everything, they would have told you that it is impossible for two people to be in a pod made for a kid. There’s not enough oxygen to keep two people alive and they would have told you that House of El had two kids only, me and my cousin Kal. No one else.”

“She’s not a liar!”

Lena yelled at Kara with exasperation. Frenzied for all the buried feelings that were coming alive again.

“She? Is that what that new girlfriend of yours is putting inside your head!?” Kara taunted Lena with her words, but she was baffled. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Girlfriend?”

Lena looked like she had been caught and Kara noticed how her eyes had opened up out of surprise.

“I saw you, Lena. I saw you kissing a girl in the middle of the street at 4 am. That’s when I decided to stop patrolling near your place.” Kara tried to keep her mouth shut but the words kept coming out “Is she the one making you believe Rao knows what? Telling you I have a sister and I tried to freaking throw her where?”

“She has nothing to do with this”

“I’m sure she has everything to do with this.”

 **“** Even if it was my girlfriend the one doing it, why would she lie after telling me various truths about you?”

“I don’t know, Lena. Why would she do that?”

“You’re the one that has experience with dishonesty.”

“Really? So you say you love me and a month after you’re going home with a woman I had never seen?”

“That’s none of your business, Kara! It’s not my problem if you feel jealous.”

Kara laughed dryly

“Jealous? No way, I’m thrilled. Ecstatic even. I came here and took you out of your office. I’ve been dying inside for months trying to figure out why you had said the things you told me, I’ve been having physical reactions to the guilt I felt because I had killed someone” Kara felt herself heated up with anger “I freaking love you, Lena. And you said you loved me, but you threw everything away for a lie? I could understand you being angry about Supergirl, I even expected it. But you actually thinking I killed my _sister…_ whoever the fuck that is. Murder… hell, a lie you decided to believe in, trusting a woman you barely know when we could have—“

Kara stopped herself from saying something she would regret forever. This wasn’t her plan, she still wanted Lena to come to her senses. That wasn’t her, someone was manipulating her. Someone was making her believe things and if it really was her new girlfriend, that woman must have had some serious proofs to make Lena fall for it. She had never heard such a ridiculous story. Her and a sister in a pod. Kara being so evil and thirsty of blood she had thrown her in outer space? It was too much.

Kara felt the rage boiling up and her eyes were probably red, because her laser vision was burning her again. It wasn’t for Lena, she genuinely wanted to live up to Lena’s notions of her and kill that woman she had seen. Just make her disappear. She actually thought she had murdered someone and had suffered accordingly, only to find out that it was only a woman feeding Lena lies to make them drift apart and take advantage of the situation and what? Lock Lena in a relationship? Kara was crying and although she couldn’t sense temperature changes like a human would, she felt her tears burning her cheeks, she could also feel her ears burning because of Lena shouting nonsense she couldn’t focus on.

She was cying out of frustration, her fists clenched while she felt herself crumble watching Lena cry with so much desperation she feared for her. The fact that Lena was so certain she had killed somebody made her knees weak, at the same time, it angered her more. She couldn’t grasp the amount of suffering Lena was also enduring when she falsely thought her best friend of years had kept a murder hidden. She could understand how Lena could think of her as a monster.

She focused on Lena’s lips, while they moved, trying to convince her of all the so-called information she had. She wanted to explode while listening to her. The red lipstick making her words seem stronger and more serious, like she was lecturing Kara regarding the facts she single handedly had investigated and proven to be true.

Kara didn’t notice herself approaching Lena and the lack of reaction told her Lena was too worried about shouting that she hadn’t noticed either. It was like her body was taking over her mind all of the sudden. She didn’t want to hear her any more, she wanted to show her that she was wrong. Prove to her that she actually loved her and she had never stopped doing so.  Milliseconds passed as she reached out to Lena and made her go abruptly quiet, Kara forced her lips on top of hers.

Red had consumed her mind and now her senses were coming back to life. She kissed her for dear life and surprisingly Lena returned the movement with more fervour, trying to condense all these months and all those years into one single moment. Both of their lips were salty because of the tears, but, at the same time, Kara had never felt something so sweet. This was what she had always wanted, what she had always dreamed of, passion just clouding her thoughts and burning whatever argument they were having before. It was so easy losing focus and forgetting the world. It was too late when Kara realized what she had done and felt Lena trying to push her aside with all the strength she could gather. She backed off and held Lena by the shoulders, away from her. Kara could see the frightened look she had on the reflection of Lena’s eyes. Still glassy from the tears that hadn’t dried and kept running.

“I’m sorry, Lena. I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me. I didn’t mean to. I don’t know what went over me, please—“

 “Take me to L-Corp, Kara.” Lena said with a broken voice

“Lena, please, just let me—“

“Kara— shut up.  Just… Just” Lena looked defeated. Humiliated probably as she motioned one hand to point West, while she tried to fix her face with the other one “Now, please.”

Kara didn’t know how she got the strength to not collapse when she held Lena again and carried her on her way to L-Corp. The wind on her face was bothering her and even though she wanted to enjoy this last time with her, her body just took maximum speed to drop her off and escape as soon as possible.

When they arrived to her balcony, Kara landed as softly as she could. She lightened up her grip but didn’t let her go “I’m sorry, Lena.”

The brunette shrugged her arms off and forcefully nodded. Not wanting to cry again and preparing her façade to Starikov and Adam who surely were already waiting for her somewhere inside the building.

“Have a good day, Kara.”

The blonde saw her turn her back and enter the office without looking back at her. She went up to arrange the folders on her desk and went to the bathroom. She forced herself to take away her eyes from the office and look up to the sky to take off. She had really messed up everything, but she promised herself she would find out who this person was. She wouldn’t let anyone break Lena again. Not if she could prevent it.

 

Lena saw herself in the mirror and took self-pity on how pathetic she looked. Messed up hair, smudged lipstick and a reminiscent of Kara’s lips on her after, again, being forcefully fed a bunch of lies. She hated that in that moment she could only think about having Kara’s lips back on hers.

Had Starikov ever made her ground crumble with just a touch? She didn’t think so. She felt the need to cry again but her eyes didn’t have more tears. They were actually nothing, but she still felt sort of bounded to respect her, yet she had been locking lips with the sister that had tried to kill her.

Because she had… Right? She had to. There wasn’t any other explanation to why Kara and Starikov looked the same. Even if she hadn’t actually tried to kill her, the twin thing was something real and Kara had denied it, so that proved her again that she was lying. Why did she have the need to do that?

She fixed her hair and makeup after splashing her face with cold water. She needed to focus so everything turned out alright with Adam today. She went out of her office and saw Eve was speaking with Adam.

“There she is, mr Johnston! I told you she was probably dealing with ain important call.”

Lena looked at Adam embarrassedly

“I’m sorry, Adam. Had an important call from L-Corp Metropolis, I needed to take it.”

Adam instantly cheered up when he saw her

“Oh, that’s ok, Dr. L. For a moment I thought you had given up” He said jokingly.

“Do I look like a quitter?”

“Nope. I take that back.”

“C’mon, let’s go.”

Adam and Lena both quietly went to her private elevator and as soon as the doors started to close he started rambling like he usually do.

“Is Supergirl going to be there today again?” He asked and didn’t let Lena answer “I’m so excited. Today could finally be the day we do something amazing officially. Do you think that, if I can heal, Supergirl would be able to fly me around National City? Man, I’d love to be up there flying around.”

“You could always ask her after everything.”

“Oh yes, I will. Do you know she saved my little brother of an accident once? She’s amazing. And so beautiful.”

The elevator opened its doors to her lab and she didn’t need to look for Starikov as she heard Adam yell “Supergirl” at the top of his lungs and run excitedly to talk to her. Lena mouthed hi and walked behind Adam.

“Adam, the same procedure. Please, go lay over there.”

She saw the boy go to the glass room and Starikov took the opportunity to walk up to Lena and quietly talk to her so he didn’t hear anything.

“Where were you? I was expecting you.”

Starikov’s voice sounded tired and annoyed at the same time. Lena could sense she was in a bad mood.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Lena tried to sound secure so Starikov didn’t catch her lies “I had to go to a last minute meeting with one executive from L-Corp’s branch in Metropolis. Some materials lacking, but it’s luckily fixed already.”

If Starikov wasn’t convinced, it didn’t show. She just shrugged her shoulders and started walking towards Adam’s room. Both women started strapping Adam and Lena softly spoke

“We’re going to strap you again, because, although last time everything worked perfectly, remember we’re working with a more concentrated serum and we’re giving you a higher dosage.” Lena explained and Adam nodded, making clear he understood.

“When we’re sure you’ve been stabilized, we’re going to free you so you can follow a series of commands to prove the effectiveness. Ok?”

“Sure thing, Dr. L”

Starikov was looking at Adam deeply, examining his features and his movements. Lena noticed that, she seemed lost in the moment, studying everything there was to study in the room.

“We’re going to be outside, checking everything but I will hear you, so remember, if anything hurts or you want to stop. Just say it”

“Yes, ma’am.” Adam closed his eyes and winced when he felt the needle rupturing his skin but he relaxed quickly. “I’m sure you’ll do the right thing, Lee.”

Lena shot her eyes straight up until she saw Adam. He had never called her by her name, let alone Lee but he seemed unbothered, not noticing what he had said and smiling with his eyes closed.

Starikov had already left the room and was staring at them through the glass door.

“What did you call me?”

Adam opened up his eyes startled

“Uh— Lee? I’m sorry if I stepped out of line, it just felt natural.”

“It’s ok, I’m just surprised, that’s it. Close your eyes.”

Adam did what he was told and didn’t notice Lena had left until he heard her voice through the speakers.

“It’s going to feel cold, Adam” Lena spoke and she heard a loud _ok._ She smiled.

Starikov went up next to her and Lena handed her the tablet.

“You’re going to control the percentage of concentration we’re going to inject into Adam. I need to focus in the change of the cells in this screen. When I tell you, go up 5%.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

When Starikov was holding the tablet tightly, Lena pressed the button controlling the liquid and saw how the black substance went down the tube into Adam’s skin. Adam shivered, understanding Lena when she said it’d be cold.

“Are you ok, Adam?”

“Yes! I’m fine.”

Lena could see the liquid shining bright in Adam’s body in the screen. She motioned Starikov to go up and saw more liquid coming down, this time, a little bit thicker.

Lena saw how the substance moved towards certain parts of his body, most of it concentrated near his stomach, where the tumor was located. She could see the Harun-El shining brighter and moving like it was alive. “It’s working” Lena muttered to herself.

“Lena, I’m feeling pressure on my belly.” Adam looked uncomfortable

“Adam! Adam, it’s working!”

Both Adam and Starikov smiled widely, but Adam’s eyes lit up.

“Is it?”

“Yes! Is it bearable?”

“Yes. Yes, Dr. L! I can handle it. Oh my god” Adam couldn’t keep his eyes closed anymore “My mom will not believe this.”

Starikov’s voice sounded loudly

“Adam, can you try to break the left arm of the chair? Press hard on it.”

Both Lena and Starikov focused on the chair until they heard a light cracking sound. The chair hadn’t broken, but it had deteriorated under Adam’s touch. Lena instructed Starikov to go up and all happened at once. She saw the substance go into his brain steadily and she heard the chair breaking.

Starikov yelped and looked mesmerized. The Harun-El was healing his tumor while, at the same time, it was changing the chemicals in his brain to give him heightened senses and strength. Adam was also excited until he frowned.

“Lena, I’m feeling pressure on my head.  Like I want to pass out.”

“Do you want to stop?”

Starikov stopped smiling and looked right at Lena after hearing her say those words.

“No, I mean— It doesn’t hurt that much. I can take a little bit more.”

Both Lena and Starikov saw how the liquid was going rapidly to his brain.

“I think we have to stop, Starikov” Lena whispered to not upset Adam.

“What? No. Are you crazy? It is working.”

“Yes, but the substance is moving towards the brain and leaving the tumor behind.”

Starikov looked straight into Lena’s eyes and gave her a stern look

“It is working, Lena. He just needs more so the substance can properly divide between the stomach and the brain.”

“Starikov, we need to—“

“Uh, Dr L. It is starting to really hurt, I can feel the pressure in my head.”

Lena tried to take the tablet away from Starikov, but the blonde didn’t let go. Focusing on Adam instead of the screen.

“Adam, grab the plastic cup next to you and squeeze it.”

“Supergirl, I don’t think I—“

“Do it.”

Lena saw Adam’s hand go to the plastic cup while she was frantically trying to get Starikov’s hand off the tablet

 “Adam, I’m going to stop it! Hang on a second.” Lena said and tried to tug one more time only to see Starikov’s finger make the Harun-El go up by 10%.

“What are you doing!? Give me that!” Adam’s body was shining bright through the screen, everything being lit up at once, like the substance didn’t know what to do. It was invading his body. She saw Adam’s nose start bleeding.

“Please, Lena. Please, it hurts so much!”

Adam started screaming for help inside the glass door and Lena tried one more time to take the tablet away from Starikov. Her hands were shaking and she felt sweat and tears cover her face. This time she managed to grab it and Starikov let it go. Too focused on what was going on to care about holding it tight.

It happened in milliseconds, Lena lowered the Harun-El concentration but, at the same time, the screen illuminated the brain section of Adam’s body, reaching its peak. She knew it before she heard the screams. It was too late.

Adam’s body started seizuring and he went rigid while screaming in pain. Black heat vision blasting out of his eyes and Lena could only stay there pushing the button fast to lower it more, but it was already at 0% and there was nothing she could do.

Suddenly everything stopped. Lena hadn’t realized she was on her knees, gasping for air while holding her chest.

 “He—“

Starikov kneeled next to her and started hugging her while caressing her back.

“Shh, shhh. Everything is—”

“No. He’s— he’s dead.” Lena got up quickly “He’s dead! You killed him!”

Lena started walking fast towards her desk to check Adam’s vitals.

“I didn’t know, Lena. I thought we could eradicate the cancer once and for all.”

Lena saw that there wasn’t a heartbeat and his brain, seemed melted somehow. Like it had turned liquid and it was now part of the Harun-El. She felt the need to throw up. Adam, the kid she so admired and respected. They were so close, so close to healing him and Starikov had— She hadn’t stopped when she told her to. She didn’t when Adam was screaming for help.

“Why didn’t you stop when I ordered you to?” Lena looked up at Starikov “WHY!?”

“I thought it’d be better if—“

“I’m the scientist. I specifically told you to stop and you killed him!”

Starikov looked scared like she was trying to figure something out.

“I’ll fix it, Don’t worry.”

“You’ll fix it? Can you turn back time and make him not die!?”

Starikov held Lena’s arms to calm her down

“No, but— I’ll take his body. I’ll bury him in Russia or something.”

“What!? NO. You can’t just dispose his body like he didn’t have a family or like I didn’t care about him! You’re not touching him, you’re not doing anything.” Lena tried to calm down, but she felt like she was going to pass out. “He’ll stay there until I figure something out tomorrow. I need to give him a proper goodbye, something—”

Lena thought of all the implications behind his death. She couldn’t bury him in god knows where like he was an animal. She couldn’t call the police without that meaning the closure of L-Corp and the dismissal of hundreds of workers. She would go to jail if the government found out and she knew they would take the Harun-El and make it a military weapon.

She had made contracts and the patient had agreed but that wasn’t enough when there was a dead body in her lab. She needed to go home and think. She needed to not look at Starikov.

Who was that? She looked sadistic when watching Adam break the stuff. She was more focused on his power than the cancer. It seemed like she had enjoyed watching Adam like that, writhing. Even now, she was cold and immediately thought about disposing the body, like the shit she had seen hadn’t happened. Like it was a regular day for her.

She needed to be left alone. She thought about Kara and her words: _“I don’t know, Lena. Why would she do that?”_ Why would she do that? Why would Starikov look for her in the first place? Why did she refuse to give out her name but had no issues revealing Kara’s identity? Why did she seem so mesmerized by Adam’s suffering? How had she found out about the Harun-El when she arrived to her office all those nights ago?

What have you gotten yourself into, Lena? She thought. She now realized how little she knew her. She seemed dangerous. Her senses were tingling and her gut told her to run and scream, but she knew that Starikov would then kill her or do something worse. This wasn’t the woman she had been seeing all this time. Caring and understanding. Or maybe she was and everything before this was a lie. Could it be?

But it didn’t add up. She still looked like Kara, so they were still sisters. How much had Starikov really lied to her?

“Lena?”

Lena blinked rapidly and looked at the blonde woman who was staring at her with concern.

“I need to go home.”

Starikov quickly picked her up and started flying back to Lena’s place. Lena was startled to say the least. She refused to let Starikov stay with her, but she had already carried her, including herself on Lena’s plans. Lena felt dizzy and just wanted to contact someone without Starikov noticing so she could fix everything.

Lena felt her chest about to explode, she couldn’t take so much in a day. It seemed like 5 seconds ago she was kissing Kara by the lighthouse and now she could see the moon shining bright, now she had a dead kid to take care of. Starikov landed roughly in Lena’s room and immediately let go of her, which Lena appreciated and she heard the blonde’s voice

“So what are we going to do?”

“You are going home. I’m going to think.”

Starikov walked towards Lena and tried to reach her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear but Lena flinched and turn her head to a side. She touched her cheek to dry off the tears that hadn’t stopped falling since they left the building.

“Why?”

Lena turned her head again with an incredulous look

“Why?” She took a deep breath “Do I need to remind you about what we just left in L-Corp!?”

“I know, but I didn’t mean to.”

“Yes, you did!”

Starikov looked at her angrily and punched her fist to a wall. Lena jumped at the sound.

“No. I did not!” Starikov glared at Lena “We were so close, Lena. So close to making it work and I thought I would heal him, I didn’t know”

“Ok.” Lena said with a scared look, not knowing what to say to try not to upset her. She clearly seemed unstable but Starikov recognized the terror in Lena’s eyes and relaxed her features.

She cornered Lena and caressed her face again

“I would never hurt you, darling.” Starikov gave Lena a light peck on her forehead “You know that, right?”

Lena had closed her eyes, not wanting to see Starikov so close to her.

“Y-yes.”

Starikov gave her a pleased smile and took her to bed, getting on top of her. Lena was frozen in the spot. Feeling the blonde’s light kisses all over her cheek and her neck. She breathed loudly and whispered “Please, no. I don’t want to.” trying to not make Starikov go ballistic but letting her know she just wanted her to go.

“But I just want to make you feel good again.”

Lena felt like she was dying all over again. There was no way she could escape Starikov’s strength. At the same time, her life could be in danger if she did something stupid that threw her off and made her go mad. She felt disgusted and didn’t want to be kissed, but Starikov had other things in mind.

She tried to push Starikov off but she put her hands over her head and then she felt her. Enough to make her go into survival mode and just shut off her brain. Like she used to do when Lillian pushed her head on the tub until she was coughing when she misbehaved. Like she did when she put those pillows on her face until her lungs were burning and she managed to escape her house in her mind.

This pain was different.  It didn’t hurt her, but feeling so powerless and seeing her wishes being thrown out of the window broke her. The fact that this woman seemingly had enjoyed watching Adam go and was now enjoying taking her even though she had explicitly said no, hurt her. But she couldn’t do anything, so she stayed there and tried to disengage mentally until she stopped.

She cried thinking of these months. She whimpered thinking of Kara’s words. She didn’t understand how her eyes kept producing tears. She thought of Kara’s kiss and the way she held her when they were flying. She thought about her nights cuddling in her couch after a funny movie. She thought about how she had protected her and she yearned to just turn back time to the moment she was clueless. And Starikov didn’t exist. And Kara was hers.

She put her mind in blank and disappeared for a while, so she wasn’t sure how long she was just lying there. She just sensed Starikov lying down in her side of the bed and turning her back to Lena.

Had that really just happened or was her mind playing tricks on her to try to make her forget about everything that had happened with Kara and Adam? Had Starikov really done that? She looked down on her and saw she was uncovered. That was all the confirmation she needed and then looked up at Starikov with her eyes closed trying to sleep like that hadn’t just happened, like she hadn’t done something horrendous. Like she hadn’t abused Adam and her in a day.

Lena went to the floor and sat down holding her knees to her chest. Her heart was beating wildly after realizing everything that had went on these past 20 hours. She tried to take deep breaths and muffle her cries to not disturb the woman lying there with her.

She knew that if she tried to go somewhere, she would wake up. She also knew that Starikov had no plans of leaving her alone. Maybe she was scared about Lena’s solution to Adam’s death and didn’t want her to commit an act of stupidity that could spoil her past actions.

She crawled to the kitchen making as little sound as she could make, searching for her phone. She couldn’t call anyone now, the pager Kara had given her was long forgotten in her office. She couldn’t call 911, she couldn’t report what had happened but she could try to reach to someone she knew would help her.

She went through her contact list until she found the name she was looking for. Her hands were trembling and she couldn’t type the words properly. Did she tell her what had happened? Did she tell her that this woman was right now in her place? No. She needed to do it somewhere Starikov couldn’t get away with it. Somewhere less private. She was glad that Kryptonite hadn’t adapted properly, she still had a chance to do something.

She needed to let her friend now that they needed to talk so she could say everything and she’d help her deal with Starikov and help her fix the situation with Adam. She knew she would.

So when she managed to calm down, she just typed five words and sent one quick text, praying to God she’d see it soon.

“It’s Lena. Can we talk?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really really appreciate your thoughts on this one. It really took time to write it and I was hesitant to add that part but as I stated above, it kinda felt necessary for what I was trying to do about both character's personalities. It will go up from here and this is as dark as this fic is going to get, so don't worry, there won't be another scene like this one. 
> 
> I hope you liked it and I will try to update as soon as possible.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about taking so long. I've been through a rough month and it's been hard for me to keep up writing, but no worries, I always come back to it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it :)

 “ _It’s Lena, can we talk?”_

She felt the vibration of her phone, waking her up from her slumber and the light burning her eyes when she opened the text. She didn’t even process anything, cursing Lena under her breath for waking her up over a wrong text. _“Wrong number, Lena. Glad you’re working things out with Kara.”_

The brunette closed her eyes and turned the vibration off, putting her phone next to her again. She really needed to rest, Haley’s presence everyday was truly exhausting. Even though she didn’t feel any vibrations, she sensed brightness in front of her and decided to ignore it, pretty sure Lena had answered with an apology but when she was already falling asleep, she sensed brightness again and then one more time.

Alex grunted. She was ready to tell Lena to let her sleep, and call Kara to make her deal with her stuff, but when she opened up her phone she immediately worried.

_“I need to talk to you, Alex.”_

_“Tell Kara I’m sorry.”_

_“I don’t know what to do.”_

_“I need help.”_

_“Don’t call me, I can’t answer.”_

She had never received a text from Lena so close to dawn, let alone six in a row with one of them urging her not to call her because she couldn’t answer. Alex felt the anxiety rise up when she read Lena’s plead not to make a phone call when the only thing she wanted was to clear everything up and instantly figure out what the hell was going on and why was Lena not letting her sleep like she was supposed to do. Was she drunk? Was she in danger? Did she need her to pick her up somewhere?

She couldn’t remember the last time Lena Luthor took the time to contact her. Was it the time she wanted her to help her organize Kara’s surprise birthday party? Or when she needed to go into the DEO when Reign was doing her best to destroy Earth? It didn’t even matter, she could count them with one hand.

It wasn’t like she didn’t like the youngest Luthor, because she actually found her amazing and, when they were together, she loved to talk to her about science and other things, but she was always Kara’s best friend. That meant that they only met when her little sister brought them together for an improvised karaoke evening or a board game meeting.

Lena would never text her like this, ever. Unless something serious was going on. Had she hurt Kara and she couldn’t tell her she was sorry? Alex got up of bed and washed her face so she could coherently answer, not wanting to sound drunk because of how sleepy she was.

She grabbed her phone and replied, seeing how it instantly marked “read”. Lena was waiting for her.

_“Are you alright?”_

_“Yes._

_I mean, no._

_I’m not ok, but I’m not hurt. If that’s what you’re asking.”_

_“Drunk? Do you need me to pick you up?”_

_“No.”_

_“Ok.”_

_“I know it seems odd. But I need to talk to you in person about something that I cannot talk to you about through here.”_

_“Are you in danger, Lena? Is someone monitoring you or something?”_

Alex saw the dots appear on the screen and disappear again. Lena was writing, but then she wasn’t. It happened at least three times until she saw the two letters on her screen.

_“No.”_

Why did she take so long to answer? Especially to type one word. She considered her answer, when it should have been a simple one. Was she being forced to write? Was this a trap? Was someone passing as Lena to set her up? Then again, why her? It didn’t make sense when Lena had other people closer to her like Kara, James or Eve.

_“How do I know you’re Lena?”_

_“People underestimate me, but I care. I really do.”_

She felt a shiver go down her spine reading the words she had heard Lena said when Kara was almost dying because of the kryptonite in her body. She felt sick reliving those moments when she genuinely thought Kara would die, before Lena had brought her the suit that would contain her while keeping her alive. Lena had said those exact same words to her and her only. No one else had heard. This was Lena Luthor.

“ _Is Kara ok?”_

_“Yes. Don’t tell Kara I texted you.”_

_“How would I tell her you’re sorry?”_

_“After you and I talk, tomorrow.”_

Alex stared at her clock. They were a few hours away from sunrise

“ _Tomorrow or today?”_

_“Today, 9 am. I’ll send an e-mail to Eve right now. Just go to L-Corp.”_

_“Can’t. DEO stuff._

_Later?_

_You’re worrying me.”_

Alex saw Lena typing. She was growing impatient after every second that passed, then minutes.

_“Lena?”_

Lena didn’t answer. Alex fought the urge to call her, reminding herself about Lena’s specific command not to. She lived alone, didn’t she? Well, Kara had said she had a girlfriend or at least a friend with benefits, so perhaps she was with someone else.

_“Lena? Are you there?”_

_“9 am. I need to go now. ”_

How on Earth could she help the scientist? What could she bring to the table that Lena with her intellect or Kara with her unlimited strength couldn’t already do? She felt bad about keeping things from Kara, especially regarding Lena when she had seen the hero waiting all those days to finally get news from Lena, so she could talk to her.

It also made her feel angry. Why should she help Lena after seeing how broken her sister was? She knew she was overreacting, she’d never deny Lena help, they were friends and she had every right to be pissed off at Kara for her secret. She couldn’t be mad at her for having a girlfriend either, but still she felt that little sting near her heart. She had seen and taken care of Kara when she was hurting. However, this wasn’t the time for silly grudges. Alex could sense something was wrong, but, even though she was worried, the only thing she had left was wait.

“ _Don’t text me back.”_

Alex looked away from the chat and tossed her phone on the bed, before getting to the bathroom and turning the water on. She really wanted a hot shower that would help her relax her muscles and hopefully make her go back to sleep, but the constant thudding on her chest, reminding her the weird conversation she had just had with Lena made her decide against it.

She didn’t feel sleepy anymore, probably because of the mini adrenaline rush she was experiencing and, although she knew that this tiredness will come back twice as hard later, probably in the evening, she felt the urge to stay awake. Like she should keep herself alert. Near her phone, in case her sister’s best friend decided to call her or answer. She took a cold shower to fully wake up.

She needed to go to L-Corp, but she also needed to go to the DEO. Although she could easily use Lena’s name as an excuse to Haley to tell her she had information regarding an important matter on whatever she could make up. She needed to wait at least until 5 am to call Haley and let her know about the change of plans. One hour away wasn’t that bad.

What really worried her were the 5 hours that were separating her from Lena’s explanation. She arranged the clothes she was going to wear focusing on looking intimidating but still civil, not to cause any suspicion when she entered L-Corp. She took her handgun and put it on the table. Wanting to be ready for whatever was waiting for her, still having that hideous thought that something scary was going on with Lena.

Gathering all her stuff took her an hour, so she sent Haley a message to let her know she would arrive a little after 11 am because of an important meeting with Lena Luthor about her brother Lex. It took less than 5 minutes to receive the dry, “ok”. She rolled her eyes and prepared herself a cup of coffee, getting ready for her appointment at 9 and praying to God that whatever Lena had to tell her wasn’t as bad as she was imagining it was.

\--

_“Don’t text me back.”_

Lena stopped typing when she felt Starikov move and grumble on her sleep. She immediately deleted her conversation with Alex and the e-mail sent to Eve, before turning off her phone and drying the screen from the tears that had slipped while talking to Kara’s sister

She knew she could trust the older Danvers. She knew she’d find a way to be punctual. She was glad that Starikov had recently felt the need to visit her mother every morning before heading back to National City at noon to help her with her experiments. She was there for the Lexosuit, the first trials of the Harun-El with mice, Adam’s first encounters. She had more knowledge about Lena’s lab than anyone else besides herself. Something that marvelled her before, something that terrified her now.

She set the alarm at 7 am, thirty minutes before the time Starikov flew away to Russia. She could pretend everything was ok, make her breakfast and watch her take off until she was sure she was alone. Then she could get everything ready and practice exactly what she was going to tell Alex.

_Hey Alex, I kind of dated your sister’s twin and she turned out to be kind of morally dubious._

Or maybe she could start with something like.

_Before you judge me, I’m sorry I have a dead body in my lab._

She felt pathetic.

She needed Alex’s help to figure out what to do.

She had cameras in her lab, cameras that she only had access to. She could prove that Starikov had been the one that killed him, her being an alien also fell under the DEO’s jurisdiction so Alex had to have knowledge about what to do in these cases.

If they tried to take her to prison she could show her Adam’s agreement, Adam’s blood tests proving how advanced his cancer was, she could show her previous experiments with animals and how she kept everything as safe as she could. She owned a hospital and a pharmaceutical company, it’s not like she didn’t have the rights to do clinical trials, but still, everything was scary and it hurt like hell because it was never supposed to happen.

She wouldn’t care if she was also found guilty of murder. She would gladly go to jail to see Adam get his justice. It’s what he deserved.

She’d have to disclose to Alex, Starikov and Kara’s relationship as well. Why was she in her lab and what they were doing together. She’d have to reveal to Alex her conversation with Kara and even though she didn’t want to, there was no one else that could help her.

She could have called Kara and she knew she’d come to her rescue, but Kara wouldn’t be able to think calmly before wanting to go chase Starikov and use her powers on her. That would only infuriate Starikov and, even though she knew Kara was powerful, she also knew that, unlike Kara, Starikov had no compass with her usage of force. It was all or nothing.

She had seen her show a side of her she had never shown before, she had looked into her eyes when they were shining for Adam’s veins turning black and his little show of unrestricted strength. She had seen her smile when Adam finally stopped moving before her lips turned into a straight line and she worried because of the results.

It wasn’t his death, it wasn’t the fact that she had killed him, the only thing that troubled Starikov was not knowing how to solve the issue she had created.

Lena felt ill.

Even after everything, Starikov had taken her home and had taken advantage of her. Even after she had said _no._ It hadn’t been one time, she had said it multiple times and Starikov hadn’t stopped. Did she enjoy making her suffer like that? Had she felt nice about herself after throwing her to a side before going to sleep? Hadn’t Starikov cared about her multiple tears? She felt like she was sharing her home with a monster. Incapable of knowing her boundaries, or even worse, uninterested on respecting them.

 _“That isn’t as important”_ Lena thought to herself.

Yes, her body felt used, but this wasn’t only about that. It was about Adam’s life. It was about her entire research tarnished by a murder that didn’t need to happen. It was about having Adam’s cancer almost removed entirely, it was about Adam’s joy screaming that his mother would be crying out of happiness when she found out, it was about the failure of giving Adam a chance to live.

Starikov wouldn’t let herself be captured if Lena threw this situation in the hands of the DEO. She was nearly invincible after all. They would come with big guns and cause havoc and she was sure Starikov would flee, after probably killing them all. Alex was her only choice, she was the only one she could reason with, and both of them could plan something. She’d understand about the Harun-El, she’s the only one she’d trust with such a powerful substance.

Alex’s sense of justice and her focused mind when it was time to make hard choices were the qualities she liked about her the most. She was like Kara in a way, always striving to save good people but, unlike Kara, Alex wasn’t afraid to make hard choices and she never let her emotions get the best of her. She had trained for that. Probably the result of taking care of her little alien sister for years.

 She would never do something to hurt Kara or her kind, so she knew that, if Alex took care of the Harun-El, the substance would never go to some corrupt hands that would sell it or use it for evil. She didn’t want her effort and knowledge to become a weapon for psychopaths, like it had been in the past.

She still had a stash of green kryptonite in the vault of her studio, the one she was synthetizing for Starikov’s kryptonite adaptation process. A process that luckily had been a failure. So she could just take a little bit with her to her office, give it to Alex and later take Starikov to the DEO. They could neutralize her and interrogate her. Starikov would hate her afterwards, but she couldn’t let Adam’s murder go unnoticed like that. Even if doing that meant she would also go to prison and all her evidence would be deemed unworthy of consideration, she’d go and serve her time, just like Lex had done in the past. She didn’t deserve an easy life when Adam, whom deserved everything, was no longer in this world because of her experiments.

Could Starikov be acting like this after all those Kryptonite injections? Maybe she had altered some parts of her mind, like red Kryptonite affected Kryptonians’ psyche. Was it her fault that Starikov had done what she did? _All these experiments, Lena. Playing with stuff you know nothing about._

Her mind started finding ways to remind her of her crime. The things she would have avoided if she hadn’t done some experiments or hadn’t gotten involved with the wrong people. The Daxamite invasion, the Kryptonite in the air after Mercy had used her device, the kids poisoning after messing with Morgan Edge. Could she have avoided Lex’s madness? Probably, like always, she figured she somehow had something to do with it.

And since that wasn’t enough, now she had been playing games with a Kryptonian she didn’t know much about and an alien rock she had no idea existed until one of her best friends turned out to be a Worldkiller, another thing she had no idea that existed, before finding out the woman she loved was the city’s superhero.

Lena chuckled at the irony. The world’s most intelligent woman, according to various magazines, proven dumb after finding out everything in her life was a lie and she was surrounded by things she didn’t even know could live in her planet. The one she had studied for years.

She had nothing else to think about until Alex’s meeting and she still had at least 2 hours of sleep she needed to take advantage of. Her head was hurting, her thoughts creating a horrible movie that never finished. Lena laid on her couch and closed her eyes, hoping everything could be solved soon.

 

_“Kieran. Kieran, she’s awake!”_

Lena blinked confused. She could hear her heart beating loudly, planning to escape her body with the loud thuds. The room was cold and so dark, it seemed like she was trapped in her own mind. Her thoughts were louder and she felt dizzy for the lack of sound, she felt alone in nowhere. Dying, maybe, or just waiting for it.

The only things grounding her to reality were the sweat running down her face, combined with a thicker liquid that she could only presume to be blood and the weight of the chains on her wrists. Forcing her arms to stay up and locked to the wall.

“Hello?” Lena asked.

A bright light started shining in the corner of a room. A TV, apparently. Lena could see every sign of chaos on the screen: police sirens in every block, helicopters illuminating their path and someone that looked just like Supergirl was laying on the floor, covered in blood. From the position of the body, Lena could easily see that various bones were broken and without even a second thought, she knew this wasn’t Starikov, this was— _Kara._

Lena sobbed quietly and turned her head away, not wanting to listen or see the inevitable. Kara was dead. She had been killed and someone that knew her was torturing her with the images.

“Who are you?” Lena shrieked while trying to keep her tears in “Just please, kill me already!”

Lena heard a low laugh coming from somewhere in the room, teasingly. Heels clacking on the floor as the person approached Lena. She sensed familiarity. She knew this person. She remembered the way her heels sounded on the porcelain floor when she was hiding in her room, covering her face with her pillow, all those years ago.

“Lillian” Lena stared at the shiny green heels in front of her while muttering the name, before slowly looking up and finally seeing the owner of the shoes, the woman who taught her all there was to know about hate and deception.

Lillian lowered herself until her face was in front of Lena’s, grabbing the younger woman by the chin and forcing her to look up.

 “Oh dear, I haven’t seen you in a while.” the oldest Luthor said and kissed her adoptive daughter on the forehead. “I missed you.”

Lena moved her face away from her, disgusted by her mere presence.

“What did you do to Kara?”

Lillian laughed.

“No, Lee. I did nothing. You did that to her.”

“What?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know.” Her mother put a strand of hair behind her ear and lightly patted her on the head. “We planned this together, remember? You and I. We’re sidekicks, or that’s what your friend told me.”

Lena looked dazed, tears clouding her eyes, her wrists battling a fight with the chains, she knew would lose.

“I have no friends. You killed the only one I had. Kara.”

“Oh, but I didn’t.”

Lillian smiled wickedly and Lena tried to decipher the truths that were laying behind her mouth, until she got startled by a strong voice coming from behind her mother.

“Would you cut the crap, Lillian?”

The blonde immediately stood up and passed her hands through her plaid skirt, trying to erase the wrinkles that were now decorating it.

“I’m sorry, Kieran.”

The TV got louder and Lena could gather every word the reporter said, starting with _Supergirl’s doppelganger_ and ending with _the hero of National City has sadly passed away._ She felt something hard hit her in her legs, while Kieran started unchaining her. She didn’t want to look up, so she focused on the black rock that had been thrown at her.

The person made her stand up and when Lena forced herself to look up and see her kidnapper she gasped. The green eyes staring back at her were familiar, but these were shining with something that made her feel uneasy. She recognized the glow. The same glow Starikov had on her eyes when she saw Adam die.

But these weren’t Starikov’s eyes. These were hers. She saw herself or someone that looked like herself. Brunette hair, square jaw, pale skin, green eyes and that hint of Irish accent that had been left by the woman who had raised her the first 5 years of her life. This was her, another version of her staring back. A version that even though looked like her, seemed more close to Lex that she had ever been.

“Lena, Lena.” The familiar stranger smiled “I told you what would happen if you touched that rock.”

 

Lena sat down on the couch panting and sweating cold. Feeling dizzy after abruptly getting up without letting her head get used to being conscious again. Her mouth felt dry and she was gasping for air. Scared.

She felt the strong hands holding her by her arms before she smelled the bacon being cooked on her kitchen. She instinctively got away from the cold touch and looked at the woman in front of her, straight into her eyes. Her brow was furrowed.

Her dream had felt too real and it seemed like she was trapped in it, even though she was awake. “I- I’m fine. Just a nightmare”

Starikov smiled.

“It’s not real, darling.” Lena felt a shiver go down her spine after hearing the term of endearment she had used the night before but forced herself to nod “I’m going to finish breakfast, fine?”

“Ok.” Lena got up “I’m going to freshen up and start gathering everything to go to the office.”

Starikov hummed in agreement but didn’t look back, while heading to the kitchen.

Lena got to the main bathroom in seconds. Not sure if she had ever walked that fast, and she turned on the water so Starikov didn’t bother to hear her having a panic attack. Her gut was telling her to run and escape as fast as she could, her subconscious had already done its part with the nightmare she had just had. A nightmare that resembled too much what was going on, portraying perfectly the situation she was trapped in.

 _“Stupid, Lena. How could you be this stupid!?”_ Lena thought to herself while getting beneath the water. She needed to play it cool, she was on disadvantage. She couldn’t call Kara, she couldn’t wait for Alex either. She had to do something. She had to take the Kryptonite in her office and do something.

The words she had heard and dismissed months ago were now taking every corner of her mind. _“But with the Harun-El… If you were Kryptonian and you touched it, there would be another Lena wandering around. That other Lena would be Lillian’s sidekick or something.”_

Starikov had been so cynical she had told her before. She had confessed who she was in front of Lena and Lena was busy not being able to wrap her mind around the fact that someone seemed to finally understand her and support her and make her strive to achieve everything while on her lab coat. This was her.

Lena’s tears were mixing up with the water. Her lungs burning and her rapid breaths were taking up all of her strength. There was no twin. No pod. There was only a rock and the result of Kara touching it by accident.

There was no Starikov. There was only the most corrupted, vicious and hateful version of Kara Danvers. Starikov had explained it to her.

_There was no mother._

“Breakfast ready!”

Lena barely heard Starikov’s voice over her own thoughts. Why was Kara’s double Russian? Why had she looked for Lena? Where was the information about her projects going? Who else knew about her situation? And Kara— Lena hated herself.

_You’re such a piece of shit, Lena Luthor. What’s fucking wrong with you!?_

Lena couldn’t stop her train of thoughts. Kara had been honest. Kara had no way of knowing she had a sister because there was no sister. Kara had never—  she had never meant to do her wrong. She had never done any of the things Lena had accused her of and yet Lena had avoided her and despised her for months. She had yelled at her. Kara had confessed through tears that Lena had made her doubt herself, she begged Lena for information, thinking that she was a murderer. Kara, her precious Kara, had genuinely thought she had hurt somebody. Somebody that did never exist.

Was Kara ok? What was Starikov’s plan? She hadn’t kept the hate she felt for Kara Danvers to herself. So, what was she doing? She needed to get out of the bathroom before Starikov got suspicious. Her mind was going 100 miles per hour, trying to gather as much information as possible and planning her next move.

Her Lexosuit was in L-Corp. Kara’s pager as well. Alex arrived at 9. She could wait for Starikov to leave and pretend nothing happened and when she came back she’d have the DEO and Kara waiting for her. She could do it, she just needed to stay calm. So she gathered herself and went out the bathroom, looking for an outfit that she would normally take to L-Corp and headed to the kitchen. She found Starikov eating.

“I’m sorry” She shrugged “I couldn’t wait.”

Lena chuckled

“Yeah, I figured.” She hesitated for a while not knowing whether to sit or not “Would you be offended if I didn’t eat it? I’m really not hungry. I want a cup of coffee and that’s it. I had a rough night, thinking about Adam last night.”

“Not at all.” Starikov didn’t seem to even care about the last bit “More food for me then.”

Lena started making herself a cup of coffee, trying her best to not look at Starikov while she was eating. Not wanting to seem weird and avoiding to get her attention.

“So, we go now to L-Corp and then what?”

Lena almost knocked the cup out of the counter.

“What?”

“Y’know. Adam and everything.”

“Uh— I thought you were going to Russia like you always do.”

“I wouldn’t leave you with a situation like that alone, darling. You know that.”

Lena felt her blood boil while watching Starikov get up and putting the plate in the dishwasher. She regained her composure.

“I still don’t know, Starikov.” Lena said while she started walking to her studio, planning to gather her stuff “I haven’t thought about it.”

“Really?” Starikov raised an eyebrow at her and followed her steps “Because I thought I heard you telling me you couldn’t sleep while thinking about Adam.”

Lena got nervous as she heard Starikov stop and close the door behind her. Trapping her in her studio.

“So which one is it? Were you or weren’t you thinking about him?”

Lena opened her drawer, pretending to look for some files to take with her. Moving her hand until she felt the tiny box that had the syringes full with Kryptonite that still hadn’t been synthesized for Starikov’s treatment.

Lena looked up at Starikov, who had an evil smirk on her face and when she finally grabbed the box, she felt a strong pull on the shirt before feeling the sharp pain on her back after being tossed to a wall.

Lena curled up on the floor, panting loudly and trying to get air back into her lungs. She didn’t even have time to think. Two syringes had luckily stayed on her hands and she gripped them tight, while trying her best to get up, failing miserably and hitting the ground again.

“And to think that for a second I thought I could get away with this without hurting you this way.” Starikov leaned on Lena’s desk and grabbed a pen to start playing with it before breaking it in half “Guess things never turn out like we want them to.” Starikov laughed dryly and raised an eyebrow “Wouldn’t you know about that, Lena?”

Lena coughed and spat on the floor, seeing blood coming out of her mouth. “Fuck off”

“No, no, no, Lena. We wouldn’t want that, now would we?” Starikov looked up and started shaking her head slowly like she was disappointed on the brunette “You see… few nights ago you were saying something like that. But beneath me. Remember?”

She started walking towards Lena “Begging me not to stop.”

The Luthor gathered all her strength and stood up, pointing a syringe at her and forcing Starikov to stop walking. “Back off, now.”

Starikov raised her hands and swallowed hard “Lena, wait. Calm down.”

The brunette laughed dryly “Really, now you want me to calm down?”

“I’m not planning on killing you, so put that down. Ok?” She kneeled in front of Lena “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I won’t.”

Starikov used her superspeed to grab Lena’s arms and the brunette started struggling with her, not wanting to drop the syringes. She stuck one of them in Starikov’s leg with all the liquid. The alien backed off immediately grunting hard and saw her leg, before falling to her knees.

Lena looked at her, unsure of what to do. She took her phone out of her pocket, ready to call Kara. The dosage was high and it would keep her in check for at least 4 minutes. Enough for Kara to—

“You know? You shouldn’t have done that.”

Lena felt the punch straight on her stomach, merely seconds away from the pain in her back after hitting the wall for the second time and falling to her knees. She started coughing again and gasping for air, not knowing where to put her hands to calm her pain when everything hurt that much.

She looked up crying and confused.

“Oh, want to know why I’m not paralyzed on the floor?” Starikov exaggeratedly touched her forehead with the palm of her hand “Right. Silly me. I was just too in character, faking pain and all that.” Starikov smirked “Uh— what can I say. It worked, Lena, you should have more faith in yourself.”

“But— all, all those times?”

“I think we already established I’m a good liar. I faked it. The howling in pain and the ‘ _oh Lena, please keep trying to make me immune, I’m scared of big bad guys’_.” She sat on the chair and leaned back “It worked on the second try. Still pierces my skin though, I found that out when I started using it to inject myself with tiny portions of Harun-El.”

Lena started whimpering loudly, not able to control her tears.

“Oh no, no. Shhh, stop crying, it’s ok.” Starikov said “I mean. What else could you do? It’s not your fault.”

 _“Kara”_ Lena whispered unable to control her sobbing.

“Kara, Kara, Kara.” Starikov smiled wickedly “Do you know she loves you?” Lena looked up quickly at her and Starikov smiled some more “Yeah, the little whore is whipped. Makes me sick.”

“She loves me?”

“Of course she does, dummy. As I’m sure you figured out, we’re not the same.” Starikov got up the chair and grabbed Lena by the arm to take her to the living room. “She’s all good and kind.” Starikov scoffed “I’m not.”

She threw Lena on the couch again and faced her

“I’m the complete opposite of her true being. I feel what she doesn’t, I am what she’s not. The complete opposite of her wishes and desires. And if I feel this unstopping hate towards you, it only means that my other half is feeling the exact opposite.” She crossed he arms “I have no reasons to hate you, other than Kara loving you and well, I guess we’re stuck with that.”

The Russian put her hair up in a ponytail and went to look for an apple. She started eating it before continuing her talking.

“I knew you wouldn’t come back from yesterday. Lena Luthor is too good to be able to forget a murder like that. It was my fault, really. I should have thought better, but knowing that I had his life on my hands like that…. Rao, if you knew” Starikov took another bite “I just wanted to see him gone.”

“Why?”

“Having power is fun. That’s it.” Starikov frowned “I wish it could have been you. I’ve thought about it.”

“What?”

“You should be thanking me. I was really polite when I didn’t kill you every time we were together. Watching you enjoy yourself because of me made me sick. Wonder how you would’ve looked if I had grabbed you just a little bit harder by the neck or your hips.” Starikov offered a piece of apple to Lena “Would you have begged me to stop? Or would you die before you even knew what was going on?” She exhaled loudly “Sometimes I overthink things.”

“Who do you work for?”

“Don’t you want to let me explain to you about you and me? Rao, have some patience, Lena. Would you?” Starikov rolled her eyes “You’re so smart for some things but such an idiot for others. ‘ _My mom is sick, help me. Supergirl tried to kill me.’_ I mean, I know we look the same and my explanation was kind of convincing, but really? Not even a suspicion until today? I’m disappointed.”

“Who do you work for?”

“Poor Lena, looking for acceptance. Right, darling?” Starikov mocked her “I hope I wasn’t too rough with you yesterday. It was more psychological than physical. Hope you didn’t mind.”

Lena slapped Starikov as hard as she could and heard her bones cracking because of the impact, but she didn’t flinch. Her pride making her stand up and face the alien.

“That’s going to be a fun story to tell Kara.”

“Don’t say her name, you piece of shit! Don’t you ever pronounce that name in your life again.”

“I won’t. You’ll be the one screaming her name when I kill her in front of you. Or would you rather do it while I kill you in front of her? First you try to use Kryptonite on me and then you slap me. What am I going to do with you?” Starikov threw the rest of the apple in the trash can “Get up. We’re going.”

“Where are we—“

“You said you wanted to know who I work for, right? Then move.”

“Starikov, please. I won’t say anything, I swear.”

“Oh, I know you won’t. Move.” She took Lena by the arm “Get yourself together, I don’t want anyone bothering me. We’re going to L-Corp to look for the stuff we need, then we’re flying to Russia.”

“But—“

“Lena. I don’t want to slap you because that leaves ugly marks. Could you please cooperate?”

Lena complied and went to get ready to leave. She cleaned her back to get rid of the blood, put on new clothes and went out.

“Good.” Starikov grabbed her again “Anything you need from here?”

Lena shook her head and they both left. The walk was fast and Starikov kept whispering Lena to keep a nice face so no one knew a thing or, on her own words, s _he’d be pissed._ She always wore sunglasses, to not draw attention to herself while walking and to simply take them off and pretend she was Supergirl in casual clothing as soon as she reached L-Corp’s last floor. Lena had enabled that, that’s what they had done.

They went through the back of the building, where Lena’s private elevator was located, right under Lena’s lab. Lena greeted both Frank and Will with a smile and couldn’t help but flinch when she heard them greeting “Supergirl”.

When they got to the elevator, Lena used her fingerprint to get in and go up to the lab. She started fiddling her fingers, nervous by the minute. If yesterday had been surreal, she had no adjective for today. To say she felt helpless would be an understatement.

She had been kicked and tossed like a rag doll. Starikov was too smart and had studied her perfectly these past months, the opposite of what she had done. She knew that after Adam there was no way she would go after her and do as she wanted, she also took her chance to get away with her that very same night because she understood that everything would go down the next day.

She had kept an eye out on her. She had understood Lena’s actions and motives. While Lena knew absolutely nothing and kept pushing Kara away. They both entered the lab and Starikov commanded her while she stood near the elevator door. “We need the Lexosuit, your files and everything you need for the Harun-El. Move.”

Lena didn’t move and stared at her. She had noticed Adam’s body in the same room she had left it the day before. She knew the body wouldn’t decompose while she kept it there and that made her feel worse. Not only Lena had been responsible for his death, now she didn’t even let the poor kid rest and go away. She felt her eyes burning again while her stomach did a twist. Lena was tired of crying.

“What’s going to happen with Adam?”

Starikov rolled her eyes at Lena “Someday somebody is going to find him.”

“We can’t leave him here!”

“We can and we will. I couldn’t care less for that obnoxious kid.”

“He thought you were going to fly him around the city when he got better.”

“Well, he wasn’t the only one who was fed lies. Now, hurry up.”

Starikov went to retrieve the tiny box that contained the Lexosuit while Lena kept staring. She felt her eyes and looked up and explained “No way I’m going to let you wear this.”

Lena looked away and started searching for the documents where all processes were written, grabbing everything she needed when she felt something harder near the papers and carefully got it out.

The little pager stared back at her. She couldn’t call Kara now, she was at disadvantage. Kryptonite couldn’t hurt her, she had used the Harun-El on herself and she knew that if Kara came here, there’d be three dead bodies on her lab that day.

She couldn’t hurt Kara more, she needed to protect her until she figured how to depower Starikov, if that was even possible. She still needed her. She still needed her knowledge to make these things. She hadn’t use high dosage of the Harun-El because she knew it wasn’t ready and, as long as Starikov needed her, Lena still had a chance.

Would she ever see Kara again? Would she be able to apologize? Would she ever tell her that she was everything and that she had never actually been able to hate her?

“Are you done?”

Starikov startled her and Lena gripped the device and hid it while she handled the papers. “Yes. I’m just organizing these.”

“Clean your face and go up to talk to Eve.”

“Please, don’t—“

“I’m not hurting her. Calm down. I just need you to make sure she doesn’t suspect of your absence. I don’t want anyone looking for you.”

“What am I going to tell her?”

“That your trip to China got rescheduled and you’re going there.”

“Ok.”

“I’m going to be listening, Lena. Don’t try anything stupid.”

“Ok.”

“Go there and make it convincing.”

Lena managed to calm down and went to the elevator. Knowing that, if she messed up, then Eve could end up getting hurt. She didn’t want to have anyone’s suffering on her hands again. She thanked Lillian Luthor for teaching her how to hide her emotions because that was the only reason why her face didn’t show any trace of emotion while she kept fighting the urge to confess and scream and run away.

The doors opened and Eve immediately turned around and gleefully smiled at Lena.

“Hi boss! Here’s your schedule for the day.” Lena returned her happiness with a polite smile and a nod, but Eve didn’t stop talking. “I was going to take it to your office, but Frank let me know that you had gone straight to the lab with Supergirl.”

She wanted to yell at Eve to stop talking and stop wanting to know about everything. It would get them both in trouble.

“Yes. I needed to take some samples about the project to take to China.” Lena stopped trying to arrange her words without making it obvious. “I got called by some business partners. You know, to proceed with the creation of L-Corp’s branch in Asia.”

“Oh really? Finally!” Eve grabbed her hand and Lena took her hand away while hissing from the pain. Few hours ago she had broken some bones with the slap she gave Starikov. Eve noticed the change on Lena right away. “Is everything ok?”

Lena nodded forcefully, dismissing Eve’s worried look. “Yes, yes. I just hit it with my doorknob this morning. I keep telling myself I need to fully wake up before leaving bed.”

Eve laughed and Lena breathed again. Apparently she believed her.

“Anyway, here’s today’s schedule.”

“Uh, Eve, I need you to cancel my meetings. Since everything is going on faster than I expected over China, I bought the tickets for today.”

“Boss, but you said—“

Lena didn’t let her finish.

“I know what I said. And I’m sorry for telling you this late, it took me by surprise as well and you know, we need to work around the unexpected.”

“Yeah, Lena, but the meetings. The meeting you scheduled for—“

“Cancel it, Eve. Everyone will understand.”

“Don’t you think—“

“Eve, I’m your boss. I made my decision and it’s final. Please, jut do as I say. I really need to get going.”

“I’m sorry for inquiring, miss, I didn’t mean to.” She looked confused “Well, be safe and have fun!”

“Thank you, Eve.”

Lena turned around and went to the elevator again. Knowing that some minutes from now, she’d be on the other side of the world.

-

Alex waited until 8:30 am to get going. She intended to get there 10 minutes early. Enough to be punctual but not enough to give away that she was dying to know about everything.

She texted Kara like she did every morning since Kara had flown to her apartment crying in the middle of the night months ago. She needed to make sure daily that Kara was ok.

_“Hey sis, good morning! I’m already getting dress to kick some ass. What about you?”_

She felt horrible about hiding Kara the fact that she was visiting Lena, but she couldn’t betray the Luthor either so, until she knew what was going on, she needed to keep their meeting private. The response arrived in three minutes.

_“Beat you to it by 3 hours. Morning, Al x”_

Alex smiled and put her phone away while grabbing the keys to her motorcycle. She felt her hands sweaty and she took a deep breath. _Calm down, Danvers, everything is fine._

It was a cold morning in National City, the wind was strong and some clouds were covering the sun. She liked these kind of days, because she could feel the breeze embrace her while she was on her bike, but today, she wished she could get some sun to warm her up. It was easier to feel ok when the day was bright.

She got to L-Corp’s door at looked at her watch, 8:50 am. Alex triumphantly smiled to herself, feeling proud about arriving exactly when she said she would. She took her helmet off and went inside the building. She rushed to the elevator to prevent it from closing and pushed the button that’d take her to the third floor. Lena’s office.

When the doors opened, she looked at Eve talking on the phone and when they made eye contact, Eve’s face looked worried. She quickly hanged up and started approaching Alex.

“Hey, Eve. Everything ok?”

“Oh shoot, Alex. I’m sorry! Didn’t you read the e-mail I sent you?”

“No?”

“I apologize, but I won’t take the entire blame. In my defense, Lena let me know like 30 minutes ago and I told her that it was too late, but she insisted and she’s the boss and I need to, you know, do as she says and—“

Alex got lost with all the rambling

“What? Eve, slow down. I barely manage Kara’s rambling and I’m still not able to understand yours.”

“Lena cancelled the meeting, Alex. I’m sorry you came all the way down here.”

“She cancelled?”

She was sure Lena was tempting death and wanted to die, because there was no way in hell that she would wake up Alex in the middle of the night, keep her up to chat through cryptic messages and not let her sleep because of giving her an awful anxiety attack and then dare to cancel on her after she had to make up a god-awful excuse to her boss if she didn’t expect Alex to kill her.

“There must be a mistake. Lena told me to come here because it was urgent. She couldn’t have cancelled.”

“It startled me as well, especially because she said she bought the tickets to China today.” Eve rolled her eyes “I mean if Supergirl came with me to work and I was doing her a favour with my projects, I’d at least ask her to fly me herself.”

“Supergirl?”

“Oh yes, they both came but I didn’t see her today. The project must be really important because I’ve seen her here almost everyday all these months.” Eve opened up her eyes “Oh my god, don’t tell Lena! I keep babbling about her and I can’t let everyone know about it. Only Frank, Will and I know about it. I thought the DEO was informed.”

She had texted Kara and she said she was on patrol in the morning. Lena had specifically told her not to tell Kara, which wouldn’t make any sense if she had been in L-Corp with her.

Kara couldn’t have been going to L-Corp all these months for a project when she was broken-hearted over Lena. It didn’t make sense, was someone using an image inducer? Who had been going with Lena? Why couldn’t Lena call her in the night? Why did she seem so scared?

She needed to get more information about it.

“Yes! Eve, I had totally forgotten about the project.” Alex tried to lighten up her expression “I’m sorry, but still I’m surprised she cancelled the appointment because actually we were going to discuss more about that, you know, The DEO’s budget for it and all, and we agreed on going there after the meeting.”

“Oh, she didn’t say anything about that.”

“Must have forgotten as well, I mean, someone as important as her must have millions of things on her mind.”

“Yes, she seemed off today. That’s why I’m glad that China’s project is advancing. Maybe she can rest a bit after being done there, settle her mind around things.”

“Off? How so? I told her she needs to relax. Poor woman will have a heart attack by the time she hits 30”

“I know, right!? But I swear to you Alex, she never listens! She seemed like she wanted to get out of L-Corp as soon as possible. Really dismissive.”

“Typical signs of work stress. I’ll tell her about it.  And make sure you don’t follow that path!” Alex smiled as genuinely as she could and Eve did the same, not even aware about what was going on “We’ll have to reschedule then. Did she tell you when she’ll be back?”

“Hm, no, she didn’t. I guess she’ll email me all the information for me to do the paperwork needed.”

“Oh, ok. Well, let me know when she’s available so I can talk to her.”

“Sure thing, Alex! See you around.”

Alex nodded and went out of there as fast as she could without drawing attention to herself. She got on the bike and grabbed her phone. Her fingers were shaking, but she managed finding the contact she needed and she waited through the loud ringing on her ear, until she finally heard the familiar voice.

_“Hey sis, everything ok?”_

_“Meet me at the DEO, Kara. There’s something wrong with Lena Luthor.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I'm looking forward to read your comments.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The girl is back and ready to keep on writing. Thanks for the patience I don't deserve. I hope you enjoy this, and there's still story to go, so hang on tight, we're closer now :)

Lena couldn't understand. Well, of course she could, she just felt strange because of the sensation. She knew she had been flying for seconds but she also knew that those seconds were enough for Starikov to take her miles and miles away from her city and, if she was correct, from her country.

The first indicator was the quick glimpse she took while trapped in her arms, where she could see the ocean staring back at her, and the second indicator was the snow falling on her and freezing her as soon as they landed. She was in Russia, there was no doubt.

“Come here.”

She heard Starikov’s voice and a shiver went down her spine again, it was filled with horror and she knew this had nothing to do with the cold weather or her lack of winter clothes. Lena turned back and saw the blonde, she was holding a piece of cloth on her hands and was extending it, asking her to come near.

She looked around on what it seemed was a frozen meadow in the middle of a forest. She took in as much as she could, trying to memorize every detail before covering her eyes. Her surroundings were darker but that meadow had the brightest ray of sun she had ever seen. She focused on it until she heard Starikov clear her throat and commanded her to come closer with her hands.

Lena took cautious steps towards her until she was close enough for Starikov to put the cloth on her eyes and forcefully knot it behind her head, while muttering what she thought were curses in Russian.

“It’s too risky for you to see where I’m taking you.”

Lena nodded after hearing her words and felt Starikov’s arms on the back of her knees before the alien threw her over her shoulder and carried her like she was weightless. She decided to focus on Starikov’s steps. For some reason, the blonde was taking her time walking with a speed that seemed humanlike. Lena could hear and feel the way each foot sank in the snow with every step, the determination that usually made Lena identify Starikov with just listening to her walking was gone, the brunette could sense the insecurity that was clouding her steps and, even if she didn’t know how or why, she felt that Starikov was nervous.

_1, 2, 3, 4…. 1000… 1620._

1620 steps until she felt Starikov stop and vaguely heard other Russian accents and some engines starting to work near her. 1620 steps in a straight line from the meadow, considering her speed, probably 1 kilometre and 200 metres. Lena heard the door closing behind her and squirmed in Starikov’s arms as soon as she felt the place move and go down.

The blonde put her down softly but got her hand around her arm to keep her close. Lena had never been a claustrophobic woman, but the cloth preventing her to see, the strength of Starikov’s hand around her arm and the constant sensation of what it sounded to be an old elevator moving down won the battle. Her breaths became fast and ragged, feeling how the space enclosed her and made her feel trapped.

“Hi, S.”

Lena heard and she paid close attention to the voice. It was deep and raspy, definitely a man. Fear went over her again and she instinctively got closer to Starikov. It was dumb, because she had already discovered who she really was but, even after that, she was the only one known to her. She felt her teeth chattering and her body having soft spasms because of the cold. Starikov put her arm on top of her shoulders and softly covered her with a thin blanket, while rubbing her hand over Lena’s arm, trying to warm her.

The gesture was appreciated, but it made Lena feel disgusted. She didn’t want Starikov to keep on touching her, but she also didn’t want her to leave her alone in a strange place, full of people that could be worse than the alien. More dangerous and wicked.

“Hello, Rez. Please, can you get Lena something better to cover?”

“Of course.”

Lena heard the man go quickly and then felt Starikov’s fingers unknotting the cloth. The sudden brightness blinded her for a second. Everything was illuminated and she could see some guys staring at her that quickly diverted their glance when they caught her eye and kept walking.

They seemed afraid of her, or really, of who was with her. She sensed it was a military facility, but after being in so many after Lex’s madness, she knew that this wasn’t any military camp. This place was filled with an atmosphere of secrecy, Lena had never experienced before, and what usually were places with hundreds of short haired men with impeccable uniforms, now was an empty gigantic space. Lena could barely count 15 people, besides her, Starikov and the man named Rez.

All of the people she saw had baggy military uniforms and all of them were wearing _ushankas_. Where were they exactly?

“Welcome to Kaznia, darling.”

Lena couldn’t help being terrified. _Kaznia,_ she remembered that name. It was written everywhere through Lex’s archives and the evidence the jury had collected when he was found guilty of exchanging military weaponry made in LuthorCorp with the Kaznian regime. This was a dangerous territory.

She saw a tall man approaching her, but he didn’t seem as threatening as the others and, unlike the others, this one managed to stare at Starikov without any hesitation. He calmly extended his hands, trying to hand Lena a black coat that surely looked inviting, considering the coldness she was experiencing.

Lena extended her hand, but then took it back fearfully. Not knowing if it could bring her trouble with Starikov, considering the blonde hadn’t told her to take it. She heard the man’s voice.

“Hey, it’s ok.” He nodded and gave Lena a reassuring smile. “Take it, we don’t want you to freeze.”

Lena wanted to feel calm after that, but, even though the guy didn’t seem ill-intentioned, she reminded herself of where she was and who was with her. She took the coat and exhaled a pleased sigh as soon as the fabric touched her skin, providing her the warmth she needed. She felt the blood slowly move through her body again, giving her a little bit more of life.

“My name is Rez.”

“I’m Lena.”

“I know, Lena. Here” Rez opened up the tiny bag he was carrying “I got this for you.”

Lena saw a metallic bottle and she couldn’t help but shyly smile. She needed this.

“I figured you’re more of a tea kind of woman. Hope you like it, I made it.”

“Thank you, Rez.”

“Cut the crap, Reznikov. We need to get Lena to the lab.”

Starikov’s voice startled them both, and she pulled Lena’s arm a little bit to make the brunette follow her, while Rez got his arms behind his back and walked alongside the alien. Lena saw there was some sort of camaraderie, so she immediately got herself ready for anything. She could expect anything when it came to her and this guy she had just met.

Both of them walked her through big sets of staircases that went on and on until they got through a tiny corridor.  When they reached the end, Lena could see a tiny bed and dirty walls with scrapped painting. The door was open and Lena felt both of the people next to her freeze for a moment. There were papers on the ground and the only colour the room had, came from half torn apart papers glued to the end of the room. Whatever was there before now was a weird mixture of bright colours that could not form any figure. It had been destroyed.

“How—“ Starikov seemed troubled “Why!? Who did that?”

She let go of Lena and the brunette saw them both run. Starikov entered the room and Rez stayed back, watching everything from the door.

She saw Starikov go to the ground and pick up the coloured pieces, desperately running to the wall and trying to glue them back. Her efforts were null. Starikov looked back at Rez, like asking for his help and Lena couldn’t help but to catch a glimpse of her expression. She was furious, but on top of that rage, she felt despaired. Miserable.

She knew that look. She had seen her own face on the mirror for years when she felt those same exact emotions. She recognized Starikov. The man got in as soon as he saw her and went to the floor to collect some of the papers. Lena heard him talk.

“I hadn’t come down here, S. I don’t know who did it.”

Lena heard steps coming down. Strong and loud, but Starikov seemed too focused on what had happened. Because of the familiarity in the way Starikov moved, she knew that was the blonde’s room.

“This was supposed to be closed! Always!”

Starikov was getting more desperate by the second, trying and trying to glue the pieces. Lena, on the other hand, was trying to understand what was going on. She had never seen Starikov this visibly upset, not even when she was doing those _things._ Lena smirked.

Whatever was going on was causing her some sort of pain or sadness, and since Lena couldn’t do anything to make Starikov feel that way, she settled for whichever emotion made the alien feel worse. That’d be her tiny revenge, even if she couldn’t fully comprehend what was the problem.

“Who did this, Reznikov!?”

The steps got closer and she heard Starikov shout and shoot laser beams to one corner until the little desk that was there, melted. Lena opened her eyes, she had never seen it that close, and when she turned around to escape the brightness she got face to face with a woman she didn’t recognize.

Lena almost passed out. She was terrified. The woman looked ok, probably around Lillian’s age, but with eyes that made Lena go to all of her dark places at once. She had never seen someone that exuded that kind of power and terror. She was expecting a fist on her face or something horrible, but the woman just looked at her from head to toes and sent her the most hateful look she had ever received. This woman wasn’t looking at her, she was looking through her, or that’s how she felt.

The short-haired Kaznian took a step back and talked with a strong voice.

“I did.”

Lena blinked after feeling her eyes dry and looked how Rez immediately got up and Starikov froze. Reznikov got his back straight and gave the woman a salute.

“Mother Zuyev.”

“Get out the room, Reznikov.”

The man nodded and stepped out, staying next to Lena.

 _Zuyev._ She was the highest rank officer there, Lena assumed after seeing the look in all of the other men faces. She had gone down with two soldiers, all short haired. They looked like robots, besides the fact they were eyeing Reznikov with disdain and a teasing smile. They didn’t like him.

“Starikov?” Zuyev said, but the blonde had her fists clenched with strength and she was still facing the wall.  “Should I ask why haven’t you turned around to say hello to your mother? With respect?”

“Why?”

“What’s that? My previous question was more of an order than an actual question. Turn around.”

Lena was scared. This woman spoke to Starikov like she hadn’t just shot laser out of her eyes. The brunette tried to focus on the little plate that the woman had on her chest. _V. Zuyev._ Why did they call her mother? Was that the _mother_ Starikov had told her about when they were first meeting each other?

Lena was counting the seconds. Starikov hadn’t moved and Zuyev was firm. Hands behind her back, they were so pale that the contrast between her hands and the black suit was remarkable. If Starikov snapped, she’d kill them all, she was certain. There was no way that she would let disrespect pass.

She couldn’t handle another slap of hers. She couldn’t let Starikov touch her again, she wouldn’t make it. She’d rather die, but if she wanted to take her anger on her? Lena felt like throwing up, mentally blaming the woman for pissing Starikov off. She wouldn’t be there when the blonde tried to kill her so she had no right angering her that way.

Lena didn’t realize she was shaking until she felt Reznikov’s hand on hers with a look that yelled at her to be calm or they’d get in trouble. Lena tried to breathe and she started counting the seconds as she had done before to ease herself.

She saw Starikov slowly moving out the corner of her eye. Turning around until she was facing Zuyev. Her fists were still clenched hard, just like her jaw and her chest went up and down roughly, taking deep breaths like she was trying to control herself.

“Why. Would. You. Do. That?”

“Why would you expose yourself to Lena Luthor?”

Lena quickly looked up at the mention of her name.

“I—“

“You. You failed”

“I didn’t.”

Zuyev laughed sarcastically “Oh really? Had I given you the order to reveal your identity?”

“She figured it out.”

“So a superpowered alien, immune to kryptonite, trained by the military was so dumb that she let herself be discovered by a tiny American girl. Is that what you’re telling me?”

“I am not dumb!”

“I think you are.”

Lena instinctively got closer to Reznikov. Her body had stopped shaking, but her hands were still trembling out of fear. They had done that to Starikov’s room because of her. Lena felt her anxious thoughts fill her mind while some tears escaped her. She’d kill her. It had been her fault, they were blaming her.

“Why did you destroy my drawings?”

“Was it supposed to be artistic, Starikov? That was shit.”

The blonde gulped and a breath caught in her throat before letting the ranting come out forcefully and fast. If Lena didn’t know her better, she seemed like she was going to cry.

“I spent months on them! They were my most important thing!”

“I spent months training you and you still failed. You take away from me, I take away from you.”

Zuyev started slowly walking towards Starikov “You’re pathetic, Starikov.”

Lena couldn’t believe her ears as her anxiety started rising up even more. She saw Starikov lower her head and tighten her fists. “You’re useless, you’re worthless, you’re scum. Do you hear me?”

The alien looked up fast and Lena saw her pupils turn redder and redder. She was waiting for Starikov to burn her, she was waiting for the blonde to kill her, she was certain of it but, when she felt the time had arrived, she heard Zuyev one more time, her confidence intact:

“You’re nothing, _doch.”_

And a scream.

Lena closed her eyes rapidly, not wanting to see another death. The screams were getting louder and she could only focus on Adam’s face while he was contorting on that chair, trying to escape his end. Lena pressed her ears with her hands to try and block the sounds, but the screams were getting louder, sadly, not loud enough to hear someone she presumed dead, again.

“Now, gentlemen.”

Zuyev’s voice made her focus again. She seemed calm. Had she not been screaming before because of Starikov’s heat vision? Weren’t those her shouts after the pain? Lena slowly opened her eyes and what she saw made her belly turn.

The screams weren’t hers. Starikov was scratching furiously the back of her head before adding pressure with her hands, like she was trying to keep her brain from exploding and she wanted to lock it in. She saw the guys approach the alien with electroshock weapons and, within seconds, she saw the alien’s body light up because of the electricity going through her body.

Zuyev got behind the alien and forced her on the ground. “Remember who you are, _doch.”_ She gestured her fingers up to what seemed to indicate higher voltage, because the men quickly did something to the weapon and added more pressure. Starikov’s hands threaded harder while she added more pressure to the back of her head.

“You think you can come here after blowing up your cover like nothing happened?”

She did the same gesture and the men repeated the process. Zuyev started walking towards Lena and her body started shaking more violently than before.

“Did she hurt you, Luthor?” Zuyev said staring into Lena’s eyes. Piercing her and breaking her with a look. Lena looked away rapidly. “I bet you like to be all bad in America, huh? But let Lena see the real you, Starikov.”

Zuyev took Lena by the arm and started pulling her towards the alien.

“Don’t you want to take revenge, Lena?”

Lena started pulling back but Zuyev’s grip got tighter and she started dragging her across the place while speaking to the alien.

“This is what we’ll do, _doch.”_ Lena saw the blonde’s immediate reaction to the word. She was no longer screaming, just drawing very loud muffled breaths to prevent the sounds to come out. “We’re going to give her a weapon and she will do to you whatever you’ve done to her, ok?”

Lena started pulling Zuyev’s clothes to try to make her loosen her grip and get away, she started fighting while she saw Starikov writhing. She had been trying before to tell her mind to enjoy it, because this was Starikov’s punishment. These were the consequences of killing Adam, of hurting her, of taking Kara from her, but she just couldn’t bring herself to enjoy her pain. She wasn’t Lex. She’d never be Lex. She couldn’t hurt her like that, she couldn’t rejoice on anyone’s suffering. That was torture and the knot on her stomach was getting tighter every second she was exposed to the scene.

Lena was aching and her efforts of trying to get out, doubled.  She kicked and tried to punch the woman and do anything to escape. And the screams got higher, a long “STOP” loudly echoing in her mind and, until she felt a sore throat and all eyes on her, Lena didn’t notice that she was joining Starikov’s screams and the last one had been hers. Zuyev let go of her and gestured the men to stop.

Starikov laid still while holding her head and Lena could hear the tiny whimpers leaving her body. The men took her by the arms and made her kneel, while Zuyev took Starikov by the chin and made her look at Lena, who was silently crying and had her eyes fixated on her face.

“Next time you fail, it will be the last time you see light.” Zuyev looked at Lena and then turned her head to stare a Starikov before slapping her. “And Lena will not always be around to tell us to stop”

The men picked her up by the arms and made her walk. Zuyev adjusted her suit again and looked at Rez.

“Reznikov, please, collect yourself. Take Miss Luthor to the lab and give her the instructions. Since your room is the one closest to the lab, she’ll be sleeping there.”

Rez nodded confused.

“Where will I sleep, mother?”

“Take Grankin’s room. It has been empty since the incident.”

“I want men near Lena, by the end of the corridor, everytime. She has free reigns of the room and bathroom, but, when she goes to the lab, you are to always be with her.”

“Just him? Too confident that I will not try to escape?” Lena spat

“We’re 15 floors beneath the ground, darling.” Lena felt a shiver go through, her claustrophobia intensifying. “I would like to see you try.”

Reznikov waited for his boss to go up the stairs to help Lena get up.

“Are you alright?”

“Why do you care?” Lena said while shrugging her arm and freeing herself “Lead the way, I won’t go anywhere else.”

Reznikov nodded and started walking to another elevator, gesturing Lena to get in before pressing the button that’d take them 2 more floors down.

“That’s the end of the facility. No more down from there, promise.”

“Like it makes a difference.”

This part of the place was more illuminated and Lena was thankful for it. The halls were also wider and there were some more people there. She finally saw some women chatting while going to God-knows-where. Rez said hi to them and led Lena through the place.

They stopped at the start of a corridor, in front of a tiny green door and Reznikov opened it for her. There was also a tiny desk and a little bed, but, this room felt more like a home. Rez had pictures and books.

Before entering, Rez pointed at two big white doors and the end of the corridor. That was the lab where she’d be working to give these psychopaths superpowers or face death.

“Get yourself comfortable. I’ll get you your stuff and take the other things to the lab.”

Lena nodded and, as soon as Rez closed the door behind him, Lena got up the chair and started rummaging the place. Carefully to avoid making a mess.

A little smile crept on her face when she saw all books were about languages, finally deciphering why, unlike Starikov, Rez had no accent whatsoever while speaking English. Truly something different, since most Russian speakers had a hard time with it.

Spanish, French, English, Romanian. He was smart, according to his library. Lena looked around and saw the three pictures on top of his bed.

One showed him with flaunting a big fish he caught in his hands in front of a tiny wooden house. Another showed a birthday muffin with a paper that had the name _Nina_ written on it. And the third one showed him with a baby girl on his arms while a woman smiled next to him.

She felt Rez opening the door again and Lena looked at him, unbothered with the fact that he had caught her snooping on his stuff.

“Who is Nina?”

Reznikov slowly put Lena’s things on the floor.

“My daughter.”

“How old is she?”

“She was 4.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

Reznikov offered her another bottle filled with warm tea and Lena quickly took it from him and drank a little bit.

“I thought you were going to take on Zuyev’s offer back there.”

 “I should have.” Lena scoffed and rolled her eyes. “But the exact reason why I’m in this situation is because I’m not a monster.”

“That’s good.”

“Good? Really? I thought you’d like seeing one more of your kind.”

“Human, you mean?”

“If you consider being friends with a psycho, ‘human’. You didn’t look mad being all friendly with her.”

“I’ve also been friendly with you, haven’t I?” Rez sighed “I don’t expect you understand Starikov. Or me, for that matter. It’s complicated.”

“Why are you here?”

“I get paid.”

 Lena looked at the books

“You’re smart. Why are you like my brother? Why don’t you use your intelligence for good?”

“I am using it.”

“So you sold yourself to this? Help a regime do evil?”

“You’d be doing the same, if you were in my position.”

“I’d never do that.”

“Really? So you’ll refuse working on the lab and get yourself killed?”

“I—“ Lena started but closed her mouth shortly after.

“That’s what I thought.” Rez took a sip of the tea and cleared his throat. “Until we’re in a position of disadvantage where our actual survival depends on it, we always say we would never do some things.” Reznikov raised an eyebrow and drank some more tea before speaking “It is easy to say you wouldn’t do anything morally dubious when you haven’t experienced poverty. When you haven’t seen your daughter go to sleep without food in her belly.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Lena said and Rez simply nodded “But, the languages, you could be earning money anywhere.”

“Kaznia is virtually inexistent, Lena. We’re not even in the maps as a sovereign nation.” Reznikov laughed “People think we’re Russian, and we were before the revolution and the birth of the regime, but we’re not Russians anymore, they don’t let us in. We aren’t Kaznian either, no one cares about us.”

Lena saw Reznikov’s eyes become bright because of the tears he was holding in

”Those books are my father’s legacy. He was visiting Moscow when the civil war started. People got trapped, whoever wasn’t in the region at the time, stayed in Russia.” He paused to regain his breath “No one was allowed in, and, since we became Kaznia, we’re two complete separate entities. People got poorer and died in winter time.” Rez started playing with his fingers “My older brother and I survived because my father had taught him to fish, and we lived by the river. Those books were everything I had from him, so I cherished them and taught myself how to read.”

“That’s impressive.”

“Thanks. Coming from the smartest woman alive, according to Starikov, it’s quite a compliment.”

“How did you end up here, then?”

“When Kaznia became the land of nobody, and poverty started becoming more of a problem. The Kaznian regime started earning money the best way they could; making shady deals with corrupt governments or evil people with shit tons of money that allowed them to do things that any other country would consider dangerous or immoral.”

Lena knew about that, she was family of one of Kaznia’s biggest benefactors.

“Creations of nuclear weapons, viruses, weird human experimentation. Anything that’s bad now in the world, probably came from Kaznia.” Rez smiled dryly, his thoughts going to the absurdity of the place they were in “I fed my daughter fish, like I always did. She died 3 days later from poisoning. Fuckers had contaminated the river with their weird shit. They took my house because they needed the space near the river.”

Lena could see that the story was heavy on Rez’s shoulder, and that he falt the need to stop, but the man only continued talking. Loud and clear.

“Food started lacking, radiation made my wife get sick. I had to let her go to Russia, spent all my savings on that, some food smugglers helped her cross. She needs money, I need a house and food, and one day, this alien woman appears out of nowhere, knowing nothing about languages and they had to find the river boy who taught himself how to read to teach her all, so now I’m here.”

Lena felt sorrow for him. She wasn’t the best when it came to discovering lies and she had learned that the hard way, but the tears falling to the floor made her believe he was telling the truth. She was his prisoner, he didn’t need to lie. She thought about Lex’s dark story with Kaznia, and prayed to God that her brother was only involved with weapons and not the other stuff Rez had mentioned.

“Is it cancer?”

Rez nodded while chewing on his lip

“That’s the cancer victim Starikov told you about.”

Lena put her head back, resting it to a wall and took a deep breath. She was angry. Of course, people, even aliens, needed to have more depth to them than just being a villain, and it pissed her off that some people would look at Starikov and not feel utter disgust for her the way Lena felt for her.

“Don’t pity me, Lena Luthor. I hate that, and I don’t deserve it.”

“You’re right on the fact that you’ve been friendly with me, so far.”

Reznikov just shrugged his shoulders

“I try to at least compensate the crime of working for evil trying to be nice.”

“You could still choose to wrong me but you’ve chosen not to.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong to me. You don’t deserve harm.”

Lena held her knees to her chest and buried her face so Reznikov couldn’t see her tears.

“No shame on crying, Lena. Lay down and use the pillow, it has seen many of my tears, too.”

“Why are you her friend? If you truly believe I don’t deserve harm, why do you look at Starikov like she was your savior?” Lena talked without moving her face, not wanting to show weakness to his face.

“Because she is. Look, Starikov… she’s, you know, her. She’s different to say the least, but, she wasn’t always a monster as you call her.”

“She had sex with me—“

“Ok. I don’t need to know—“

“Even after I cried, even after I said no.”

“She what?”

Lena heard the change on Reznikov’s voice. He sounded surprised and, when she gather all the bravery she needed, she looked up at him and confessed another one of Starikov’s crimes.

“She killed a young boy, just for the thrill of it.”

“I know that story. But, abuse you? That seems so unlike her.”

“Is one thing better than the other?”

“I’m not saying that! It’s just _different_ , for her.” Rez sighed and imitated Lena’s position, hugging his knees like she was doing with her own **“** Do you wonder why my room is in the last floor and I’m so far from anyone else?”

Lena shook her head and Reznivos took it as an invitation to continue.

“All of the people you have seen have military training, they’re Russian expatriates, the worse of our society. Strong, heartless, mercenaries. And I’m just the smart teacher of the weird alien.”

Reznikov got up and gently led Lena with a nod to make her walk behind him. Lena quickly followed him and saw they were heading to the laboratory.

“I basically raised Starikov. She came to me with no recollection of anything but two memories and three names. She had been Kara Danvers, or part of her, at least. And she got to fully be herself on a _Red Night_ as she calls it. “

Rez opened the door and Lena got inside. Every part of the facility seemed abandoned or uncared for, but the lab… that was something else. It was four times as big as hers in L-Corp.  And at least twice as big as Lex’s one in his house.

It had modern equipment, and equipment she hadn’t even seen in her life. Probably classified, probably responsible of horrible crimes that obviously had no place in her research.

“Red night?”

“Yes. She says it was when she took over Kara and almost burned a city.”

“Oh, yes. The Red Kryptonite incident.” Lena remembered that night. It was plastered all over the news. “I was in Metropolis.”

“Well, the thing is Starikov is the opposite of Kara and basically, what you saw that night is what Starikov was capable of doing. But what was that?” Reznikov sat on a table and started raising his fingers with each action “She let an alien go because she wanted to piss off the DEO for unappreciating her. She broke her sister’s arm in a fight. She threw Cat Grant off a roof only to catch her and show her what _true power is like”_

Rez looked up to the ceiling while clutching the table.

“Starikov remembers Kara talking about her, her words were _she said she watched all of the bad thoughts she had ever had come to life.”_ Reznikov smiled “And that’s the thing. We’re talking about Supergirl, the beacon of hope and goodness. What could possibly be Kara’s darkest thoughts? Fight? Lie?”

“Kara Danvers would never, ever, do what Starikov did to me.”

“Not this Starikov. But you didn’t know her before, and that’s the root of the problem.” He remembered the moment of her arrival

 **“** When she came to me, Starikov was the most stubborn, rebellious, self-centered little shit I had ever met. As soon as she learned how to speak properly, she wanted to be praised for every action she did. She wanted to be liked by Commander Zuyev, and Sasha, and me.” Lena could see that this man had some love for the alien in his heart. Even if just as a colleague, they seemed close. “She talked back. She got into trouble for getting into fights, and more than once she injured one of the people here for not controlling her strength. Always rebellious, angry. Just a teenager with emotional imbalance.”

“Ok.”

“Did I tell you she remembered only three names?

“Yes.”

“Kara, Alex and Lena. The only people I guarantee she felt hate for.”

“Because Kara loves both Alex and I?”

“Yes. And Kara, because Kara reminds her of everything she could be, but isn’t. Kara has always been a whole person, and Starikov is just a portion of who she was. She was confined to the depths of Kara’s mind for ages. It is like your subconscious coming to life and gaining independence, and realizing that before that she was… I don’t know, thoughts? Energy?

I mean, yes, it would have a different body, but her existence would always be bound to you, because you determined who she was going to be. _Russian_ Lena would be a different person, but her likes, dislikes, or fears, would be all caused by who you are now. Starikov resents the fact that she can’t never be herself, because who she is is directly linked to who Kara is and was. She’s not an independent being when she has no control over the emotions she feels and the people she hates.

Alex and you became recipients of her hate because you’re the people Kara feels closest to. You provided Kara comfort, so for Starikov you’re the opposite. However, although she never particularly liked you, she always respected you, Lena.”

“Yeah. Well, it seems that—“

“I know. And I will never justify that, you have every reason to hate her and, if I were you, I literally would have taken my chance to make her suffer more. But what I’m trying to say is that, although I’m not justifying her actions, I’m trying to find a logical reason to why she’d do that and I can’t.

Starikov’s main goal has been about power and feeling praised. That’s why you represented such an idol for her. She hated the fact that she was made to hate you, because, in her mind, such an intelligent woman should be worshipped, the same way she should be worshipped for her strength. She always said that, if you hadn’t been part of Kara’s life, then she certainly would have been able to like you.” Reznikov crossed his legs and continued with his story.

“She even asked me if I thought that if she got rid of Supergirl, Kara’s feelings would fade away, and she could start truly feeling. Because you’re the best and she could use some of your intelligence for her plans. She confided in me because I knew how to handle her, what words to say… I was her teacher, at the end of the day. The only one that actually had another goal besides creating a monster, I just wanted her to learn. So we kind of grew closer, I guess.”

Although Lena was truly listening to him, every compliment about the blonde felt like a dagger to her chest. Rez hadn’t noticed, so he insisted on talking and Lena sat back and listened.

“Look, I have been put here, apart from everyone because I’m just a village boy. Too weak to take place in any of their activities. But the lab… This? I know this very well.”

Rez gulped and waited some seconds before talking

“Lena, the things that go on in this place are unspeakable of. There are archives, hidden far down the server of this place. Stuff that, if you live, if we both live, if a miracle happens and you can escape, needs to come out to the public. Things that need to be exposed.”

Did Reznikov truly want her to expose the place he lived and the people he worked with? The sequels of failing so miserably with Starikov prevented Lena of being too naïve, but she couldn’t help but feeling that he was being honest.

“I don’t exactly know what goes on when she’s alone with Zuyev. I don’t know what happens to her, but, when she comes out, she’s always worse than she was before. Progressively, it is like Starikov dissociates within herself. And she loses her identity more and more every time that passes. She becomes more violent, cynical. And I know, I know she hated almost everything and was always furious when she arrived, but she wasn’t vengeful evil, or a sadist, or an _abuser._ ”

He waited some time before continuing, wanting Lena to really take in the information

“As I said, she was bound to Kara’s darkest thoughts, but Kara’s darkest thoughts are nothing compared to these people best ideas. Starikov learned to like some things, things that appealed to her, she was a fast learner and she felt empathy for some people, like me, even animals.” Rez smiled “We did trips to the forest and she became fascinated with art, so she spent countless hours drawing murals on papers that she glued to her wall, and then gave them to me as a gift. My wife sent me a picture of the landscape she could see from the hospital, and Starikov drew it, because she wanted to be close to the nature, since Zuyev hadn’t let her go out to the outside much since she arrived.  ”

“That’s what drove her crazy back there?”

“Yes. Zuyev destroyed the only thing Starikov really put effort in to please herself.”

 “When did she change?”

“When the torture started. As I said, I never figured out what they did to her and I don’t know what they’re doing to her right now, but she returned to Russian lessons covered in cuts and burned. I guess they used Kryptonite on her. They made her stand in the first floor, near a window, so she could heal with the sun.” Reznikov frowned and look ar Lena while softly shaking his head “Lena, you saw how she twisted with Zuyev’s words. Right? You saw that.”

“Yes. Like something was going on in her brain.”

“Exactly! Now, how can that happen if she’s immune to practically everything? How can simple humans take her down like that when she could destroy the world if she wanted? How did they let her out trusting that she wouldn’t turn her back on them or run and try to murder Kara whenever she had a chance?”

“I don’t know. Maybe they’re too confident on her loyalty.”

“Starikov isn’t loyal to them. She wants to kill the Commander, but she said that she needed to wait so her plans could go accordingly. However, what if the truth is she can’t kill her? What if somehow they have access to her brain?”

“Mind control?”

“I haven’t seen it on her, but I have seen people here, in this room, killing themselves because of an order. I have seen people mutating and gaining abilities. I have seen people merging with Kryptonite. I have seen people being controlled by Sasha and Zuyev.”

“Sasha?”

“Our main scientist. Another corrupt American. Lena, this is the real deal, everything you can imagine and what you can’t is performed inside these 4 walls. In a way, I wish I was strong so I could be sent up and start killing some people with guns. It is far easier than witnessing this. ”

“So if you’re correct in Starikov’s development or worsening, I don’t know, we’re to expect that she’ll come out more evil than before.”

“Exactly. And if she kills again, if they make her kill again, she’ll go into a frenzy. I know it. Every time she does something like that is like she unlocks a new level. She gets worse, it becomes almost a need.”

 

“ _Reznikov, please, bring Lena Luthor to Area 27.”_

“Look, before we go, I need you to know this. I’ve been waiting for this opportunity, although it sounds selfish, to meet someone that felt horrified for this and that had the means to stop it. That’s you, Lena.” He quickly dried his cheeks and passed his hands through his uniform while getting up the table “I know I can’t help you escape, it is too risky. But, since it will only be you and me in this lab, and sometimes Starikov, I guess, I want you to try and get the files. Try. Do anything you can to unveil the secrets and, if you manage to go, expose them.”

Lena didn’t move. She just stared at him, surprised. There was no way he was asking her this.

“Please, just tear this place apart. Spare the world of all the viciousness that goes on here. Starikov… I used to have faith in her, I hoped her alieness would be superior and could fight on the things Zuyev does, but after everything she has been put through, she’s a lost cause. She will destroy Kara, she will fulfil her plans, she will only get worse and worse.”

 

“ _Reznikov. Bring Lena Luthor to Area 27.”_

“On it” Rez answered the intercommunicator and looked at Lena. “Let’s go, Lena. I think that’s needless to remind you that if you talk about what I told you-”

“I know, I’ll be quiet, Reznikov.”

“Thank you, Lena.”

The two of them went through and endless set of corridors and stairs again, and Lena’s lungs started protesting for all the effort she had gone through these past days. It seemed like her body was now realizing everything and the headache, the muscle pain and the tiredness hit her all at once.

What was hidden there? What had happened to Starikov? Why was, an American, the scientist in charge instead of a Russian? The questions started crowding Lena’s mind and the headache only intensified. Rez could sense her discomfort and her nervous steps, because he held her hand and squeezed softly, a gesture Lena interpreted as Reznikov trying to show her, he was there. She hated feeling so much honesty from him, not wanting to really trust and fall in another trap.

The lab had stuff that seemed taken out of a gore movie Lex used to scare her with when she was young. Starikov had also changed relatively fast, as Rez pointed out. Of course, she had always lied and had double intentions, but she always seemed in control of her impulses and calmed, focused on her goals… until she suddenly wasn’t. She also knew about the corruption going down in Kaznia, through her brother’s files. So, even if Reznikov was exaggerating the truth, he wasn’t completely lying.

The walk ended in front of a grey door.

“This is it for me, I can’t go in there.”

“So do I go alone? I’m going to get lost!”

“I’ll wait for you here, to take you to your room. It’s only one straight line until the Area. I have never been there, but I’ve seen the map.” Reznikov explained and Lena hesitatingly nodded “You’ll be fine, because we need you, so just try not to push Zuyev’s buttons.”

“Got it.”

 

Lena started walking and she could hear every step echoing and filling her ears. It was a long line, but she could see the other door waiting for her at the end of the corridor. She had been close to death, millions of times before, so she just accepted her destiny if it was her moment, and kept walking, gaining her composure back and calming herself down.

Reznikov said they needed her, so she hoped they really believed that. Her mind was telling her it was idiotic to snatch her from National City only to kill her in Kaznia without a complete investigation and a proper formula of the Harun-El synthetized, so as long as she extended her work, she would extend her days alive.

She slowly got her hands near the door but she didn’t have time to push it, before someone else opened it from the inside. She felt the blueish light engulf her and she narrowed her eyes to adjust her sight to the light. She was entering a little room and she could see the two men that had tortured Starikov next to the Commander.

Next to her was a big glass that allowed them to see a pit in front of them, down there. The blonde alien had chains all over her, and she could see the brightness making the chains shine. She was still receiving constant electricity, her hands were still holding the back of her head. She wondered what was going on inside of her brain.

“Brilliant, isn’t it?” The thick Russian accent startled her. “Having the power to reduce a God to nothing, just like that.”

“There’s no power in inflicting pain in people to break them.”

Zuyev laughed and Lena felt humiliated. She was laughing at her, and the men followed.  There was something about that laugh that reminded her of her psycho stepmother and Lex.

“Oh darling, but that’s where power resides. Fear, pain.”

“No, that’s where cowardice resides. Let Starikov participate in a fair fight, where she’s not tortured, and let’s see who wins. You want to be in control because you know you’re all weak. You want my knowledge and the Harun-El because you’re scared of being the less powerful beings on Earth. You’re all scared, wicked, and frail. And you hate that.”

Zuyev had stopped laughing but that evil smirk was still plastered on her face. Lena felt the need to ask for a weapon and be the one to electrocute her. Starikov may have been forced to become a monster, but Lena was sure that this woman had been born a monster. Her mean-spirited persona was tangible, she was pure evil.

“I want you to look at Starikov. See to what she’s been reduced after you giving her power.” Lena refused to look down and one of the man went towards her. Lena backed up, but the guy had already grabbed her by the chin and force her to look. Zuyev went next to her. “Imagine what can happen to you if you decide to do anything stupid. Or your precious Kara, way weaker than Starikov, still victim of the green rock.

Do you want to see the way Kryptonite works in a Kryptonian body? The horrors it can cause? Because Starikov has experience with that, we can show you our best pictures of her when we first started.”

“Fuck you.”

“That, what you see down there, is a war machine. She’s my _doch,_ my daughter. I created that, and I will be honest with you, the thing I’ve created will not hesitate on killing you if I tell her to. She’s mine”

The man let her go.

“Take her down, Ivanovich.”

“What!?”

Lena was dragged to the only other door in the room, and forced to go down the stairs. She hated feeling like a rag doll, being thrown around by people stronger than her. The man left her there and went up.

Starikov had lowered her hands from her head and she was now holding the chair she was on. Her hair was blocking Lena from seeing her face but there was something dark there, she just couldn’t figure out what.

“Hello, Lena.”

Starikov looked up and the brunette saw the thick grey layer that was covering her eyes. These were lead glasses or something like that. They were depriving her of her sight, perhaps so she couldn’t attack, but Lena felt it had more to do with the fact of trying to take her senses away to gain better control of her.

“Hello, Starikov.”

The blonde smirked

“Why are you here? To laugh at me?”

“No. Why would I do that?”

“Because you can. Because I look ridiculous.”

“The fact that I can doesn’t mean I want to.”

“Can you stop being so fucking idyllic?”

“So what do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know! Slap the hell out of me. Hit me square on the chest like we practiced. Break my skin. Burn me. Do something!”

“No.”

“Why didn’t you hit me before? Why did you yell at them to stop!? After all I did to you, why don’t you hate me!? You should. You should’ve hit me. You should’ve taken your chance.”

“Why?”

“Because, if it had been me, I wouldn’t have hesitated. If it had been me, I would have personally raised the voltage just to see you suffer more.”

“I’m not going to fall into your little game, Starikov. You want me to hurt you to somehow justify yourself. You want me to hate you to feed your ego, it would make it all worthy in your eyes. But you know what? In order to hate you, I would need to care about you first and, after all, you hold no significance in my life.”

“I could kill you, Lena Luthor. I will dream about it tonight, and the other one after that, just to prepare myself when I have the chance.”

“I’m a Luthor, Starikov. If you believe I’ll suffer because of you, trust me, I have been hurt far worse before.”

“I’m powerful, you fucking hear me? I’m truly powerful.”

“And yet, you’re here, bounded to a chair while having electricity throughout your body, with lead in your eyes. Pathetic. Alone.”

“You don’t get to mock me! You’re also trapped here, in the middle of Kaznia, away from everything you know.”

“Yes. But even being trapped, I can walk and see. And, most of all, I get to be me. Entirely me. Can you say that about yourself?”

“Fuck you! Fuck you and fuck Kara Danvers! You’re both burning, I swear to Rao. You and every person inside this fucking thing.”

“I pity you, Starikov. You see, I could’ve helped you before. Find a way to free you from this hellhole. I cared about you, I won’t lie. But you chose to stay here and you chose to do all those horrible things, and really, I should feel sorry for your upbringing, but now I just feel joy in the fact that, after hearing you, you deserve what you’re getting now.

You hate Kara Danvers, because you can’t be her. Because she gets to experience love. Because she gets to be praised every single day. Because she’s stronger than you—“

Lena saw how some tears fell down Starikov’s burning cheeks. She was agitated, she was humiliated, but her pride didn’t let her back off.

“She’s weak! She’s worthless!”

“No beating, no electricity would have made Kara bend her steel to her captors. No Starikov could ever beat her. You were already on her mind, and managed to escape one night, but how long could you control her until she came to her senses? How long were you trapped inside her until the Harun-El?

You don’t realize she already defeated you once and that she will do it again, do you?”

“I’ll ask you that after I take what’s mine. After I get to finally live, my soul is divided in two, but when she’s gone, I won’t have to share it with anyone. I’ll be whole. I will destroy Kara and anyone that gets on my way towards her. I swear it. She’ll regret ever coming back to her senses. She will regret being alive. And you’ll see everything, you’ll see and then you’ll come next.”

“I grieve for you, Starikov. Spending your only year of existence trying to be something you can’t be. Controlled by a government made of criminals. Wasting every precious minute of trying to make a new life, hating someone that doesn’t even know you exist. What a miserable life. What a pathetic being you have been.”

“You’ll see. You’ll regret it! I swear you will—“

“Regret it, ok. Have fun there.”

 

Lena got up the stairs and heard the three people talking to her, but she just went past them after facing the scariest situation in her life. She honestly didn’t care about Zuyev and her minions, they didn’t follow her, so she guessed she was safe.

The talk had been cathartic, to say the least. She felt lighter but cold hearted and angry. Not at Starikov, but at the psychopaths handling her, and, if Reznikov was telling the truth, the ones that had made Starikov who she is now.

She tried to think of the old riddle about nature vs nurture and, deep deep inside her body, she felt a tiny bit of sorrow and an apologetic thought in the back of her mind because of the alien’s situation. If Rez was honest, then she tried to imagine what would Starikov had been like if she hadn’t landed in Kaznia.

If she had been loved and taught how to be good, and not moulded into this dark creature. If she had gone to her faster. If only she had her eyes open to notice something was wrong with the blonde since the moment she laid eyes on her. Perhaps it could’ve been different. But, as Reznikov said, she was beyond salvation now. She needed to be stopped, and if Lena was the one to do it, she’d try, even if it meant dying.

There wouldn’t be better retribution than turning into ashes, if that meant taking Kaznia and Starikov with her.

 

Alex saw Kara walking from side to side. She had taken her to the training room so they could speak privately, this was dangerous information and no one besides her and her sister needed to know it. She had to trust Lena. That’s everything she had left, and, if everything truly was as horrible as she was picturing it, it was possible that Lena’s life depended on it.

Kara was clenching her fists and, after dropping the bomb on her, she hadn’t been able to see Alex. The older Danvers understood, she was upset, she was afraid as well. That’s why she had chosen this room. The red sun lamps providing a steady environment, but mostly, a safe environment for Alex. She didn’t believe Kara would hurt her, she would never do that, but she knew that, if she had had her powers when she heard the news, the blonde would’ve gone out the window flying and risking everything. She couldn’t let that happen, Lena couldn’t afford that.

Kara stopped, finally breathing regularly. She was staring at a wall and mere seconds after, Alex saw the steel fist punching it full force. Her powers were dampened, but she still managed to make the wall crack a little bit because of her strength, after turning around and letting it all out.

“And you didn’t think about telling me!?”

Alex didn’t back off. She stood straight and tried to look as calm as she could, talk with tranquillity, trying to get Kara to cool off.

“Lena specifically asked me not to, Kara.”

“Oh fuck off, really?” Kara blurted out trying to cover her rage with annoyance. She had that sarcastic tone on her voice that Alex hated since they were kids “And you go off and protect her honour… when she’s endangered” The blonde added casually before losing her train of thought again and letting her emotions control her “Are you fucking kidding me right now!?”

“We’re wasting time instead of looking for her”

“This is the thing, Alex.” Kara chuckled with disdain, while walking slowly towards Alex “I don’t even know where to start looking. Do. You. Understand. That?”

“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid, Kara!” Alex retorted while exploding on her little sister “I understand, I’m also worried. She’s my friend and I care dearly about her”

“I flew around National City, through Metropolis… I flew through all of the US. There’s no heartbeat, no voice.” Kara was trying to get her point across with strength but her voice faltered and broke little by little. “Do you hear me? None. She’s gone abroad.”

“You should go to China, Eve said Lena told her she’d go there.” Alex tried to give Kara some answers but, as soon as she let the words come out, she mentally slapped herself. That was the dumbest idea ever and Kara wasted no time letting her know that.

“And obviously, Lena and her kidnapper would tell Eve the country they’d be in.”

Kara’s words were already mixing with some whimpers. She couldn’t blame the Kryptonian, frustration was getting the best of her, and she thought about her being in the exact same situation with Maggie, and realized she would act the same. So she just shrugged and softly responded.

“Well Kara, I don’t know.”

The blonde started crying without making any sound, just tears escaping her eyes and flowing freely on her cheeks. Alex wanted to hug her, but she knew it was best to stay away.

“We could have solved this yesterday if you had just—“

 “Why did she contact me and not you?” Alex asked.

“She doesn’t want to see me, that’s why.”

“Are you listening to yourself, Kara?” Alex’s sarcastic laugh found its way out “You’re saying she didn’t text you when she needed help because she doesn’t want to see you? Ok, so in your mind, Lena would rather die than contact you. I thought you were smart.”

“Then why would it be?”

“Because you don’t think straight when you’re mad!” Alex snapped “You’re a mess, look at you. We need to focus, Kara. Every second that passes is important.”

“I just need one signal to get this over with.” Kara was already going to the door, probably to take the suit Lena had made her but when she opened the door, Alex quickly got behind her and closed it.

“We get the signal, and then what?”

“I’m going to kill whoever hurt her, Alex. So let me go. I just need one signal and I’ll go there, bring her home.”

Alex rolled her eyes

“This is exactly why she didn’t tell you.  Exactly why she asked me not to say anything before we spoke. We get the signal, we make a plan and you go.”

“I’m Supergirl, Alex!” Kara slapped her sister’s arm out of the way with enough force to sting but not enough to actually harm her and turned around to face her “The only plan I need is to focus on the kidnapper and, if for some reason that person has hurt her in any way, I’ll kill them!”

“I’m sorry, did you miss the part where Eve said _Supergirl_ was with her?” Alex scoffed “Kara, focus.”

“A mistake. Someone that looked like me.”

“Get down of your fucking cloud and listen to me!” Alex shook Kara by the shoulders and made her look at her in the face ”Someone out there forced Lena, the most capable woman I know, to fake a trip to China hours after Lena begged me for help through text and told me not to call her because she couldn’t answer.” Alex let Kara go after watching her reaction, she was finally listening to her. “Eve said Frank, Will and her were the only ones that knew about Supergirl and that she had been going there with Lena for months.”

“So Lena also believed it or made them believe it?” Kara asked while drying her tears and Alex settled by holding her hand tightly.

“Whoever is with her is not human. We don’t know what you’d be facing, Kara. Lena was either being lied to as well or she was feeding her employees the lie.”

“Alex. She said something about a sister. Someone I had tried to kill in the past or something like that.”

“A what?”

“We need to go.” Kara tried to dismiss the question by pulling Alex’s arm “Remember, when I asked you if I had ever killed?”

“Yes.”

Both girls started walking out of the room, Kara was leading Alex to the closest elevator.

“Lena, uh… when we talked, she said that someone had told her I was Supergirl and that that someone had also said something about a sister.”

“Me?” Alex questioned

“No. A Kryptonian sister.”

“Hold on, what?”

“Sounds crazy, right?” Kara got in the elevator and pressed the basement floor “That’s why I thought. I thought that her new girlfriend was just filling her mind with ideas to take her, you know, from me.”

“I don’t think I’m following.”

“Alex, why did she text you?”

Alex rolled her eyes

“I already told you, you act crazy when you—“

“Alex, where is her girlfriend and why didn’t she text her? What excuse could she have not to talk to you on the phone other than having company? And why would her girlfriend not be able to hear, unless Lena had to hide something from her?”

The finally got to the basement floor and entered right into the parking lot. Alex looked confused but Kara immediately threw her the keys to her bike.

“So, are you saying that Lena’s girlfriend is your sister?”

“There’s no sister, Alex. It was all a lie.” She saw Alex get on the bike “What I’m saying is that that woman has something to do with it, that she’s not human and whoever is impersonating me at L-Corp has something to do with that blonde.”

“Lena found something. Something that is important, and that woman took her out of here.” Alex said and got her helmet on “The best clue to find Lena is going directly to her company.”

“And where do you think we’re going?”

 

When they arrive at L-Corp, Kara is the one that has to hold Alex by the arm before entering. They’re both frantic and they’re both desperate, but everyone in the company is calm, as usual. Her landing brought less attention than she expected, gladly National City was already used to her presence, and that calmed her down. No one suspected a thing, and having a DEO agent storm in asking questions would really alert everyone else and be problematic for them. Most importantly for Lena.

They both walked normally to the elevator and Alex just pressed the button she had used in the morning. Some people stared at them, and, although Alex was sure they were looking at Supergirl, she felt like everyone knew they were hiding something. Her hands were sweating cold, so she fixed her leather jacket and started fiddling her fingers to try to release the anxiety that was clouding her.

When the doors open, Alex thanked God that Eve was busy so she had some time to calm down and try to show her best face. When they got to the desk Eve flashed them a bright smile.

“Alex! Supergirl!” The assistant got up from the chair and started rambling as soon as she stood up “I didn’t think I’d see you girls around so soon. What brings you here?”

“Hi, Eve!” Alex was really surprised with Kara’s controlled voice when she heard her speak “I got sent by Ms. Luthor herself to continue the project at the DEO. Get some work done before she comes back to China”

“Oh, sure! I knew that going to China so soon would slow down the big project here. Luckily she has you both” Eve muffled a cheeky smile and looked at them suspiciously excited “Since the boss isn’t around, may I please have something to look forward to? Pretty please!”

“Uhm, sorry, Eve.” Alex chuckled lightly “Top secret.”

“Secret agents and Superheroes, always trying to surprise people at the end” Eve gave them the sensor that took them to the lab floor “Anyway, go on and quicken everything so I can finally know!”

“Thanks, Eve!”

Kara took the tiny metal circle in her hands and pressed it in the elevator’s panel to get down to the lab. She prayed to Rao she would get the answers she needed because she couldn’t spare one more second not knowing where Lena was. If she was alive and well, or if she was being victim of something horrible.

The hallway was pretty short and the door had a panel with a spot for Lena’s fingerprint. Alex cursed under her breath, of course Lena would secure her lab with something like that, but, before she could try and make a plan, she jumped three steps back when she saw the red laser passing mere millimetres away from her head.

Kara was melting the lower part of the door to get them in. It was too late for Alex to say something. When Kara was done, she sensed Alex’s fear and just stared at her.

“Don’t worry” Kara got in and turned on the lights, gesturing Alex to go inside “No one else is allowed to come down here. And Eve is too afraid of Lena being disappointed with her, she wouldn’t dare to come and invade her privacy.”

“Well, since you melted the door, I can only trust you.”

Alex stared in awe the place in front of her. Not even the DEO had this kind of technology in their base, well, after all, they were funded by a government that didn’t care much about them, and Lena… There’s nothing Lena wouldn’t do to achieve greatness in her lab, discounting the billions of dollars the youngest Luthor managed with her companies.

It was definitely impressive.

 

The first thing both of them did was get to the first computer they saw. Maybe it could have the answers they were looking for. The first feeling Kara had was disappointment when she saw Lena had her laptop blocked, but, it faded away rather quickly with Alex’s hacking skills. “DEO abilities.” Alex said proudly, and Kara softly smiled with a little bit of worry. _Lena, you need to be ok. Only for me to tell you how easy was to go in and how you need to upgrade your security system._

“Done.”

“Files, pictures, what are we looking for?”

“Surveillance footage.”

Alex nodded and started looking. Kara decided to start wandering. See if she could find something that could help them, so she decided to scan the room while walking. Anything suspicious that could lead them to Lena.

The brunette focused on finding the footage. If they were lucky, probably she had been able to get to L-Corp before she had been abducted or decided to leave. Hopefully they could get a face, Alex crossed her fingers and also hoped for a name.

Everything went dark on the screen and she focused, patiently waiting, and when the lights went on she muttered a little victory _yes_ , for her success. Lena spent more than half of her time in here, or that’s what Kara had told her some months ago, so she knew that getting videos of the things she did was going to be easy.

“Kara! I’m in, come here.” Alex said excitedly, but a loud gasp took all of her attention and made her shot her eyes up to see what had surprised the blonde. “Kara?”

The youngest Danvers was covering her mouth with as much strength as she could to keep the screams in. Not daring to let everyone know about her presence. Alex ran to where she was and followed her line of sight only to find herself gasping, too. 

“Is that—?” Alex got a little bit closer to the glass “Is that a boy?”

The scene was horrific. There were black stains all over the floor, and the boy, whoever he was, was certainly dead. Had Lena killed him? Kara felt the need to throw up and the world around her spinning around. She almost fell to her knees, but Alex secured her hand on the blonde’s waist and held her, she had seen far worse in her life

“Everything has an explanation, Kara. That’s why we’re here, remember? To find answers”

Kara nodded, swallowing hard and closing her mouth. She didn’t speak, fearing she would stutter or start crying again. So she held Alex’s arms and grounded herself, trying to take deep breaths.

“Kara, look.” Alex started pointing at a corner and Kara followed her direction. Her sister was pointing at a discarded phone. She softly let Alex go and the brunette walked straight to it, trying her best not to look next to her and study the scene there “It’s unlocked” she said as she picked up the phone and took Kara’s hand to take her back where the computer was, from a place where the boy couldn’t be seen.

Alex wasted no time trying to go through every folder she could find. She was almost going to shout out of frustration for finding no hidden notes, or e-mails, but seeing the boy and how young he was, she figured that, as all the kids from this generation, probably he had recorded something.

The gallery didn’t fail her because the first video, almost 15 minutes long, had the title _Lena Luthor 4 President_.

“Play it” Kara commanded her and Alex nodded before opening the video. The boy was smiling since the beginning of the video, trying to settle his phone on a surface without it falling, while muttering at least three _okay, don’t move_ and finally sitting down in front of the camera.

 _Hi mom! It’s me, Adam, as you can see, your most handsome son._ Adam laughed and passed his hand through his hair to fix it. _I finally got the call we were waiting for. After all the trials, Lena finally said we’re testing the formula! I suggest you start getting ready to vote, because after she cures your boy from this horrible cancer, we’re going together to get her in the Oval Office. I mean it._

“Cancer? She was working on a cure?” Alex asked but Kara shushed her and kept her eyes on the video. The boy was marvelled and he kept going on for minutes about Lena and the way she had acted as a second mother all these months. The advances they had made together, and the sincere hope that he would walk out a cancer-free person.

By the end of the video Adam was tearing up. _I know you told me that crying should never be embarrassing, but it still feels weird letting go of my feelings like this. Anyway, I hope that when you see this, you’ve already gotten the news from me, because, until then it’s TOP SECRET._ He said that sentence loudly and then laughed, but quickly cleared his throat and whispered at the camera _I can only say there’s some black weird rock involved and that Supergirl approves, and she even promised to fly me around National City if everything goes accordingly!_

 _This is something big, momma, and I’m so glad to be a part of it. Lena Luthor for president._ He crossed his arms and made a serious expression before saying _I mean it_ and then laugh again. He finished blowing a kiss and telling his mom how much he loved her.

“Ok, so that was—“  Alex started just to see herself get quieted by Kara

“Black rock?”

“It could explain the black stains. You know something about that?” Kara shrugged at Alex’s question “Let’s see the footage. It probably would tell us what we need to now.”

 

The first videos they could find were only Lena working with Eve at the lab. They didn’t move much throughout the lab, both of the staying near the microscopes and having some black liquid in front of them

“Wait, pause it.” Kara said “Rewind it. Yes, right there.”

“What?”

“That’s the rock of Yuda-Kal.”

“The what now?”

“Harun-El.”

“Shit.”

Alex’s first thought went to Sam and her daughter. How much they had suffered and how the rock had saved them.

“Ok, so apparently that rock doesn’t only ends Worldkillers, but can also cure cancer?”

“What is Lena doing with that rock?”

“She was the one that made the antidote.”

“Still. She said she had given everything back.”

Alex grabbed Kara’s shoulder

“It’s Lena Luthor we’re talking about, Kara.” The brunette continued the videos “The same woman that figured out how to make Kryptonite. I supposed this was something like that.”

“Alex, it’s not  a precious stone in Argo for a reason. It’s hard to find, and it’s really dangerous.” Kara started chewing her lip and narrowing her eyes to catch every detail of the images “Used for good, it can have many benefits, but, one mistake and the consequences could be disastrous.” She got closer “Lena shouldn’t be working with something so— Wait! Pause it. Pause it” Kara pointed at the screen “Right there.”

“I only see blonde hair”

“That’s the girlfriend. That’s the woman I saw.” Alex played the video again and saw the blonde woman approaching Lena from behind. Lena spun around laughing and Kara wanted to stop watching but there was something that forced her to keep on looking at them.

“Do you think the doppelganger will appear soon?” Alex looked at Kara, the blonde still had her eyes glued to the screen “Kara?”

Alex turned to look again and watched the images. The woman was kissing Lena, and she was guiding her to the other side of the table. The oldest Danvers just got to see Lena’s back and a tiny portion of the blonde’s forehead, her face covered by the image of Lena’s hair.

_Move, Lena, come on._

The brunette saw the woman raising Lena from the ground and settle in between her legs while kissing her. She almost turned to Kara again, to see her reaction or to give her some reassurance words. In the end, even though they were facing a far worse situation, she knew Kara was hurting. But she couldn’t do it, not in the moment where Lena leaned back and the camera finally filmed the blonde’s face.

“Kara.” She slowly raised her finger and touched the face on the screen “Kara, that’s you.”

“They kissed.”

“Kara, that’s you.” Alex continued “The doppelganger… She has been with Lena this whole time.”

“That’s not an image inducer, that’s not an impersonation.”

“What?”

“Keep the video going.”

Alex was startled, she wanted to find out but, at the same time, she didn’t want to know if something else happened.  Kara was adamant of continuing with the footage, so she kept watching. How was it possible? That was really Supergirl.

Did the impostor trick Lena into thinking she was the girl of steel? Or was she trying to let everyone else believe that? What had happened?

Alex’s mind was going miles per hour and Kara’s frown only indicated she was trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle, while, at the same time, trying not to go on rampage after watching them both. After watching someone just like her have what she had always wanted. The blonde grunted when she saw her double putting on her glasses while seemingly yelling at Lena, before the brunette was seen storming off and the blonde was left smirking darkly. Her maliciousness could be seen through the laptop.

“Pause it.”

“Did she just reveal your secret?”

“Alex. She’s me.” Kara muttered and then started shaking nervously “That’s me, Alex. Well, my twin. That’s my twin.”

“How? You told me you didn’t have a sister.”

“I don’t.” Kara looked worried “That’s the creation of the Yuda-Kal, Alex. That’s— We need to find Lena.”

“Is it a Wordlkiller?”

Kara started crying softly while playing the video again. Evading Alex’s question, turning the footage to max speed. Watching how the blonde had been there, the trial, the kisses, the boy, his death, Lena’s training. She saw an entire life worth of images in seconds and her thoughts didn’t stop. Her anxiousness rose up and before she knew, Alex had her arms around her.

“It’s ok, Kara.”

“ _As long as one lives, the other can’t die.”_ Kara mumbled quietly and her expression contorted until she was blank “The other can’t die. Alex, I touched that rock.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My mom, Alura, she used to tell me the story of Roh-Dak, a Kryptonian warrior.” She smiled while thinking of her mother but the terror she felt inside quickly erased every trace of nostalgia “He— uh, he was obsessed with power and justice and wanted to be Krypton’s greatest warrior. He searched everywhere for the magic rock of Yuda-Kal after hearing all the stories about the forbidden stone.”

Alex paid close attention to Kara’s words trying to solve the riddle that this whole situation was presenting her.

“Every 200 years, yellow sun would bathe Krypton for a period of three hours. People said that Kryptonians got powers, and Roh-Dak, counting the days for the event to happen thought that, under the yellow sun, he could extract more power from the Harun-El.” Kara swallowed hard “Alex. Roh-Dak didn’t get more powers, he weakened himself, the rock had worked, but instead of making him the greatest, it had given him someone just like him. Someone that was filled with Roh-Dak’s worst thoughts, the thoughts that would create chaos.”

“What happened with them?”

“Kruzxh-Dak wasn’t a good person. He started slaughtering thousands and no one could stop him. People went to Roh-Dak, the strongest warrior, but he was weaker and couldn’t help them.” Kara’s voice started cracking as she continued the story “One night, Roh-Dak got so drunk he fell in a river and lost his consciousness. When his wife found him, he had been underwater for hours, no one would survive that, but the woman pulled him out and some hours after that, Roh-Dak breathed. He wasn’t dead, and, the interesting part was that, when he was down, Kruzxh-Dak had stopped the killings. He was unconscious too.”

“I don’t want to hear the rest, Kara. We’ll find a way.”

“Roh-Dak understood, Alex—“

“No. You’re not doing that.”

“ _As long as one lives the other can’t die_ , he said. So he went to the highest mountain and after confessing to his wife, she brought a knife and went looking for Kruzxh-Dak.”

Alex was sobbing and Kara smiled, the surrendered smile of someone who knew the sad ending of the story that had had little Kara praying to Rao for the warrior’s soul. Her mother helping her keep her hands steady as she prayed that Roh-Dak had found Rao’s light.

“When Roh-Dak touched the ground, his double fell as well. His wife stabbed him and, since then, neither of them came back.”

Alex dried her tears and hugged Kara with all the strength she had in her

“Kara, you can’t do that. We find Lena, and we will have a plan for that moment. You’re not—

You’re not sacrificing yourself.”

Kara looked at her sternly. Determination in her voice.

“We will find Lena, Alex. And, after that, I’ll do what needs to be done.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so there's that... I hope you liked it and, as always, please, let me know what you think.
> 
> Hearing your thoughts is the best reward.
> 
> If you're on tumblr, here's something for you to yell at me https://ellie-aird.tumblr.com/. I will write there from time to time some ficlets, or tiny drabbles :)
> 
> See you next chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to hear your thoughts :) Hope you enjoyed it!


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